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Plus, learn what might be holding him back from saying “I love you”
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If your man is more comfortable talking about work, sports, or anything else besides his feelings, you might be frustrated and wondering if he really loves you. The good news is you don’t have to be a mind reader to know if your guy is crazy about you. All men are different, but guys who are in love usually behave in predictable ways. Keep reading to learn what signs to look for , including expert insights from professional dating coach John Keegan, so you can get a good sense of how truly in love your beau really is.
How will you know if he really loves you?
Dating coach John Keegan explains that he’ll spend lots of quality time with you, bring you into his life, and introduce you to his friends and family if he really loves you. Other good signs include he's fully engaged in the relationship, willing to compromise, and making plans for the future with you.
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Section 1 of 2:
Signs He Really Loves You
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He treats you with kindness and respect. If your boyfriend loves you, he will treat you with respect. That means that he listens to you and cares about what's going on in your life. He notices the little things that you like and goes out of his way to give them to you. He values you as a person, and he genuinely listens to your opinions. Doing these things shows he honestly cares about you .
- If your boyfriend always treats you with kindness, empathy, and understanding, then you likely have a deep emotional bond. Usually, this signifies that you’re in a committed relationship based on mutual love.
- Reader Poll: We asked 991 wikiHow readers which signs in a relationship would make them feel like their partner was committed to them, and 56% of them agreed on a strong emotional connection and understanding . [Take Poll]
Meet the wikiHow Expert
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker with over 15 years of professional experience.
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He spends tons of quality time with you. A guy who loves you is going to want to spend time with you. If he makes time for you on a regular basis and goes out of his way to see you, he's likely in love with you. If your guy doesn't really care, he's more likely to blow you off. That means he won't make time for you as often as you'd like, and when he does, he may cancel at the last minute. If he's not consistently making time for you, then his love for you may be in question. [1] X Research source
- Of course, sometimes, a guy is going to have a legitimate reason to cancel on you. However, he should try to give you as much notice as possible. He should also be interested in rescheduling. If he's not, he may not be that into you. [2] X Research source
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He plans dates. You shouldn’t be the only one coming up with plans and dates— he should want to do the same. You shouldn't have to schedule everything yourself. If he's willing to take the lead at least part of the time, he probably cares for you. One way to make sure he's willing is to not plan everything. Give your guy a chance to plan dates for you. He should be willing to take the initiative if he cares about you.
- Keegan says that it’s a “red flag” if you “want to set up a date with him throughout the week and he'd rather be with his friends.” [3]
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John Keegan
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- Keegan says that it’s a “red flag” if you “want to set up a date with him throughout the week and he'd rather be with his friends.” [3]
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He's willing to compromise. Being in a relationship means making sacrifices sometimes by compromising with another person. That means sometimes he gives a little more, and sometimes you give a little more. For instance, it may mean he's willing to go see a movie that he knows he's not going to like, while you're willing to go to the sports bar sometimes, even if it's not your thing. If he's willing to participate in some give and take, then he's probably starting to fall in love with you.
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He notices and cares about the small things. For instance, does he ask you if you want water when he goes to the kitchen? Does he plug in your phone when he notices it's low? If he anticipates what you need and does little things to make your life better, then he probably loves you. [4] X Research source
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He introduces you to friends and family. If a guy loves you and wants to be with you, then he likely wants to show you off and introduce you to friends and family. If he doesn't want to introduce you, that may mean he's not sure about you yet. Though he could have other reasons not to want to introduce you (such as your religious differences), his being reluctant to bring you around important people in his life can be a red flag.
- Keegan adds, “Make sure that he wants to meet your friends and your family and that he's not just like, ‘Hey, I want to come over at midnight and hang out.’ Make sure he brings you into his life.” [5]
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John Keegan
Dating Coach Expert Interview
EXPERT TIPDating CoachJohn Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.Commitment issues could also be to blame. If he's not ready for a serious relationship just yet, he might put off introducing you to his family and friends.
- Keegan adds, “Make sure that he wants to meet your friends and your family and that he's not just like, ‘Hey, I want to come over at midnight and hang out.’ Make sure he brings you into his life.” [5]
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He shows you affection in public. If he likes to pull you close in public for a kiss or if he likes to publicly display his affection by holding your hand or giving you a hug, then that’s a great sign that he’s super into you. If he doesn't, then his feelings toward you might be a bit wishy washy, though it could also just be that he's shy in public. [6] X Research source
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He reaches out to you consistently. If he only calls once a week and barely has anything to say, that's probably not a good sign. However, if he spontaneously texts, emails, and calls on a regular basis, then he probably can't get you out of his mind, meaning he loves you. Yay! [7] X Research source
- However, every guy is different. Maybe he's an introvert, and he doesn't like to spend every minute with another person, even someone he loves.
- Make sure you try to figure out what kind of person he is before jumping to conclusions.
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He cares about your life. That is when you get together, does he ask questions about you and your day? Does he seem to genuinely care about what's going on in your life? If he's truly interested in what you're doing, he likely cares about you. [8] X Research source
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He remembers things about you. Of course, guys (and people) in general are going to forget things, including important dates and past conversations. But if he makes an effort to remember important dates, and he is paying attention to the conversations you have by bringing them up later, then he is likely in love with you. [9] X Research source
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He seeks to resolve conflicts with you. A certain degree of conflict in a relationship is normal, but in order to address it and grow from it, many couples need to fight it out in a healthy manner. In order to reach a resolution and compromise, you need to care about that person and then find a way to make amends. If he's not willing to fight or if he just brushes off arguments with a shrug, he may not care that deeply about you.
- You don't necessarily need to have knock-down, drag-out fights. But you both need to be able to express your opinions and thoughts, even if it leads to an argument. If he doesn't seem willing to engage, he may not be in it for the long haul.
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He holds space for you. If he starts using "we" on a regular basis, rather than just "I," that could be a sign he loves you. "We" indicates he's started thinking of you as a unit, a couple, which means he's starting to commit to you being together. [10] X Research source
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He’s fully engaged in the relationship. If you have your own language, including pet names and inside jokes, that's a good sign. It means that he cares enough about you to fully engage in the relationship. If he has a pet name for you (and only you), it likely means he's at least falling for you.
- Try having a good, honest conversation about what you want to do in the future together. If he keeps trying to delay it, it could mean he is not into you, or it's just not an important topic for him.
- If he tends to talk about the future with you and asks you questions about what you envision, he probably loves you.
- Keegan says that if you’re trying to plan something 3 months into the future, and he seems unsure about it, that’s “a sign that he's not all the way in, that he's not there yet.” [11]
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14He trusts you. Trust in any relationship is huge and often a sign that deep, intense feelings are developing. If he trusts you enough to share his problems and insecurities with you and seeks advice from you, it means that what you think matters a lot to him. This could translate to love! [12] X Research source
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Examples to Ask if Someone Loves You
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QuestionHow do you test a guy to see if he really loves you?John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.Ask yourself these questions to tell if he loves you: Does he do the little things that you like? Is he leading his own life in the direction you need him to? Is he thoughtful and conscientious toward you? Is he there when you need him? Does he show up in your life in healthy ways?
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Tips
- Don't assume he doesn't love you if you aren't willing to ask.Thanks
- Talk to him and tell him how you feel. His response should tell you everything you need to know.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Some guys show their love by being protective. He might ask you to call him when you get home so he knows you made it safely or take the street side when you're walking down the sidewalk together. Just make sure his protectiveness doesn't cross over into possessiveness. If he's possessive, it doesn't mean he loves you. It means he has control issues.
- A guy who really loves you will always make an effort to make you smile because his happiness is your happiness.
- Usually, when a guy smiles a lot around you, it means you make him happy.
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-at-any-age/201403/11-ways-to-tell-if-your-lover-loves-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-at-any-age/201403/11-ways-to-tell-if-your-lover-loves-you
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
- ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/love/does-he-love-me-heres-how-you-know-for-sure/
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
- ↑ https://flo.health/menstrual-cycle/health/emotions/love-and-affection
- ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/signs-he-cares-more-than-he-says/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-at-any-age/201403/11-ways-to-tell-if-your-lover-loves-you
- ↑ https://care-clinics.com/remember-the-date-and-celebrate/
- ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-tips-for-success
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
- ↑ https://www.erikalabuzanlopeztherapy.com/blog-psychotherapy-marriage-counseling-infertility-postpartum-depression-minimalism-leaguecity-houston-tx/2024/3/4/the-foundation-of-trust-why-it-matters-in-a-relationship
- ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/love/confessing-your-feelings-how-to-tell-a-girl-you-love-her/
- ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/love/want-to-know-how-he-feels-signs-a-man-is-falling-in-love/
- ↑ https://sbtreatment.com/blog/men-and-emotions-the-importance-of-becoming-vulnerable/
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you’re not sure whether your special guy really loves you, pat attention to his actions. A guy who loves you should treat you with kindness and respect. He’ll also go out of his way to spend quality time with you. Pay attention to whether he puts work into the relationship and is willing to compromise when you don’t agree on something. You might also notice that he does little things for you, like bringing you a favorite snack without being asked. Make note of how he communicates with you, too. If he takes a genuine interest in you and the things you care about, says kind and supportive things to you, and talks a lot about your life and future together, those are all great signs that he loves you. To learn more about how to paying attention to how you communicate with him, keep reading!
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