How do you make friends at school?
07/28/25 4:36pm
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This post was sourced from submitted reader questions and posted by wikiHow Editorial Staff, based on our article: How to Make Friends at School: For Middle or High School!
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To make friends at school, try this strategy that I developed:
First, find something idle to do, like scrolling your phone or examining a sheet of paper. While you do that, scan the people in the area, whether you’re standing in the hall, outside of school, the cafeteria, or the classroom. If there's a group of people that makes you think, “Ooh, they look they might be for me,” whether it's what they're wearing, the instruments they're carrying, if they're representing a sports team, or something else, find a place to eavesdrop while doing your idle activity to check the vibe. Once you have decided, “Yeah, they seem like people who might be appealing to me,” keep your ears peeled for something in the conversation that lets you jump in and ask a question. For example, you might say, “I'm sorry. Are you guys talking about the Taylor Swift show?” By asking a question related to what they're saying, you're suddenly in the conversation.
Of course, wait for a pause to insert that question. And presumably, people are going to respond. No one's going to just ignore you. Show some sort of enthusiasm. Going back to that Taylor Swift example, you could say, “Cool. Are you going to the show?” And if they respond, then suddenly you're in. Trust your gut and see if it feels right to move in a little bit and join the conversation. So, you observe, identify who's appealing and feels safe, eavesdrop, wait for a pause, ask a question about the relevant conversation, express enthusiasm, and then ask another question. Then you can ask permission to join the group by saying something like, “Will you tell me more?” or, “Do you know where you get the tickets?”
The next step is to find something about someone in the group to compliment. For instance, you might notice someone’s hoop earrings, something they chose for themselves and that represents how they want people to see them. If you can find a reason to say, “Hey, I love your earrings” or “Those shoes are so cool,” that helps you connect even more.
Use this same strategy to start a conversation with an individual if approaching a group feels overwhelming. If there's someone standing alone looking at their phone, come and lean on the wall six feet away—not too close so that it’s awkward—and just kind of stand and see if you get a vibe. And then you turn to that person and say something like, “You have fluorescent pink Converse! I love them.” Everybody wants to feel seen and included, so when you compliment something they chose, you're giving them a hit of positive brain chemicals and connection, and they suddenly have a reason to like you. And then you can pivot, showing interest and asking questions to draw out more information. That could be, “You got them at the mall? Oh my gosh! There's a shoe store at the mall that sells shoes like that?” or even just, “Tell me more.”
So, if you’re not automatically comfortable putting yourself out there or making friends, an easy way to make people like you is to be interested in them. And you show that by showing appreciation for something about them and then asking questions, which allows them to keep talking.
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First, find something idle to do, like scrolling your phone or examining a sheet of paper. While you do that, scan the people in the area, whether you’re standing in the hall, outside of school, the cafeteria, or the classroom. If there's a group of people that makes you think, “Ooh, they look they might be for me,” whether it's what they're wearing, the instruments they're carrying, if they're representing a sports team, or something else, find a place to eavesdrop while doing your idle activity to check the vibe. Once you have decided, “Yeah, they seem like people who might be appealing to me,” keep your ears peeled for something in the conversation that lets you jump in and ask a question. For example, you might say, “I'm sorry. Are you guys talking about the Taylor Swift show?” By asking a question related to what they're saying, you're suddenly in the conversation.
Of course, wait for a pause to insert that question. And presumably, people are going to respond. No one's going to just ignore you. Show some sort of enthusiasm. Going back to that Taylor Swift example, you could say, “Cool. Are you going to the show?” And if they respond, then suddenly you're in. Trust your gut and see if it feels right to move in a little bit and join the conversation. So, you observe, identify who's appealing and feels safe, eavesdrop, wait for a pause, ask a question about the relevant conversation, express enthusiasm, and then ask another question. Then you can ask permission to join the group by saying something like, “Will you tell me more?” or, “Do you know where you get the tickets?”
The next step is to find something about someone in the group to compliment. For instance, you might notice someone’s hoop earrings, something they chose for themselves and that represents how they want people to see them. If you can find a reason to say, “Hey, I love your earrings” or “Those shoes are so cool,” that helps you connect even more.
Use this same strategy to start a conversation with an individual if approaching a group feels overwhelming. If there's someone standing alone looking at their phone, come and lean on the wall six feet away—not too close so that it’s awkward—and just kind of stand and see if you get a vibe. And then you turn to that person and say something like, “You have fluorescent pink Converse! I love them.” Everybody wants to feel seen and included, so when you compliment something they chose, you're giving them a hit of positive brain chemicals and connection, and they suddenly have a reason to like you. And then you can pivot, showing interest and asking questions to draw out more information. That could be, “You got them at the mall? Oh my gosh! There's a shoe store at the mall that sells shoes like that?” or even just, “Tell me more.”
So, if you’re not automatically comfortable putting yourself out there or making friends, an easy way to make people like you is to be interested in them. And you show that by showing appreciation for something about them and then asking questions, which allows them to keep talking.
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