Alison Wellington
Certified Dating Coach
Alison Wellington is a Certified Dating and Relationship Coach and the founder of Align with Alison, a coaching company dedicated to helping women find the partner they deserve. With a certification in relationship coaching and a proven track record of success, she has helped over 300 women enter happy, healthy relationships, get engaged, and marry. Alison works with clients one-on-one, in small groups, and through self-paced courses, providing expert guidance tailored to successful professional women. She has built a thriving online community, with 102K Instagram followers, 10K on TikTok, and 3.4K YouTube subscribers, where she shares actionable relationship advice, dating insights, and commentary on modern dating trends.
Education
- MS in Guidance and Counseling, MS extension in Mental Health Counseling
- BS in Education
Professional Achievements
- Featured in Essence Magazine, Washington Post & Fox Soul’s “The Black Report”
Certifications & Organizations
- Certified life coach, dating & relationship coach
Favorite Piece of Advice
I advise my clients to always start their dating process by being clear on exactly what they want in a partner and a partnership. I call them the “non-negotiables". From there, they’re going to generate questions that they should be asking and behaviors they should be looking for in people they date. They should always be paying attention to assess whether or not the person in front of them is an appropriate match.
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Forum Comments (4)
What do I actually ask someone about on the first date?
First, I would identify what your "non-negotiables" are that you're looking for in a relationship: these are the behaviors and traits that a potential partner must have for you to want to be with them. Some examples are: hardworking, affectionate, spiritual, or family-oriented. Then, you can think of questions that might help you subtly assess whether or not this person is hardworking, or whatever the important trait is. You create questions to help you with this in dating, but then ask them lightly and maybe only ask one question like this on your first date. Everything else that you talk about can be light-hearted, easy, not too heavy, not too serious. Why? Because we don't want this person to feel like they're in a job interview.
I also recommend thinking about some other things that you want to talk about in advance! I like thinking of pop culture topics and also just being prepared in knowing what's going on in current events and the pop culture realm. I'd also recommend staying away from talking explicitly about politics. However, if you want to get a feel for a person's views, what I would do is hold conversations around some "political hot topics" but not bring up politics explicitly. You could ask them questions about their thoughts on some hot topics and then gather that information more artfully on dates.
I also recommend thinking about some other things that you want to talk about in advance! I like thinking of pop culture topics and also just being prepared in knowing what's going on in current events and the pop culture realm. I'd also recommend staying away from talking explicitly about politics. However, if you want to get a feel for a person's views, what I would do is hold conversations around some "political hot topics" but not bring up politics explicitly. You could ask them questions about their thoughts on some hot topics and then gather that information more artfully on dates.
What's it like dating a younger man?
Here's what I would say: I wouldn't be concerned about an age gap if the older person (in this case, you, the woman) has deemed that this guy is mature and established enough for her. What you shouldn't do, which would be unfair, would be to start dating him and then end up blaming him for being immature or not as established as you are ("I had to foot the bill", "He's not ready for marriage", "He's not ready for commitment"). If you're 32 and he's 24, you are likely to be further in your career or more ready for commitment. So in my mind it's most about making sure that you, as the older individual, are comfortable with where the younger is at in life (both in terms of how established you are and in what you both want romantically). If you align, then it's all good! However, if you determined that this person is not where you would require a man to be financially, emotionally, and all the other things, then it may not work for you.
What are the best hinge prompts in your personal experience?
I advise people to stick to three prompts. The reason? People do not want to read a lot of content–they skim! Think about how if you open up your laptop and have a thousand unread emails, you slam it back down and feel overwhelmed, like “I'm not reading all this". You don't want to overwhelm people and write too much on your profile. So, choose three prompts.
Next, what I advise is what I call the "prompt sandwich". You start with something light and easy, so a question like “How do you enjoy a Sunday?” or “Two truths and a lie” or “My fifth grade teacher would say this about me,” something lighthearted, easy, potentially comedic, and nothing romantic. This prompt should tell someone a little bit about you, because they can then decide if you are like-minded, and use it to decide what kind of date might be fun with you, giving them some insight into you. That's your first prompt in the prompt sandwich. Your second prompt in the prompt sandwich is the truth of what you want to say. People are on dating apps because they want to date– potentially to get in a committed relationship, potentially to get married. So now that you've captured someone's interest, go for a romantic prompt next. It's going to be something like “The fastest way to my heart is...”, "A green flag for me is...", and anything else that's positive. Don't write anything about red flags, dealbreakers, or negative topics. And then you end with another "piece of bread" in your sandwich, something else light, easy, and not romantic. For example, “If I could have a superpower, it would be....” or something else that gives someone a bit more insight into who you are as a person that's not romantic in nature. That's the sandwich that I recommend!
Next, what I advise is what I call the "prompt sandwich". You start with something light and easy, so a question like “How do you enjoy a Sunday?” or “Two truths and a lie” or “My fifth grade teacher would say this about me,” something lighthearted, easy, potentially comedic, and nothing romantic. This prompt should tell someone a little bit about you, because they can then decide if you are like-minded, and use it to decide what kind of date might be fun with you, giving them some insight into you. That's your first prompt in the prompt sandwich. Your second prompt in the prompt sandwich is the truth of what you want to say. People are on dating apps because they want to date– potentially to get in a committed relationship, potentially to get married. So now that you've captured someone's interest, go for a romantic prompt next. It's going to be something like “The fastest way to my heart is...”, "A green flag for me is...", and anything else that's positive. Don't write anything about red flags, dealbreakers, or negative topics. And then you end with another "piece of bread" in your sandwich, something else light, easy, and not romantic. For example, “If I could have a superpower, it would be....” or something else that gives someone a bit more insight into who you are as a person that's not romantic in nature. That's the sandwich that I recommend!
What do I wear on a first date?
What you wear on a first date is really going to depend on where you're going. So start with, “Where are we going? Is it a sporting event? Is it a physical event? Is it dinner?” And then you dress for the activity. We have Chat GPT. There's no reason why we shouldn't be leaning on technology to kind of get us some ideas. So look online and ask, “What should I wear to blah, blah, blah? What should I wear to golf? What should I wear to this? What should I wear to that?” And then that would give you some ideas as to what's most appropriate, because what you don't want to do is end up wearing heels and the occasion doesn't call for it. There's no hard and fast answer, but I do recommend, for a first date, wear something that you like that is also appropriate for the setting.
As far as best practices or what a first date should be like, I really recommend choosing an activity! You shouldn't be going to a movie because you want to have the opportunity to speak to each other. The first thing I would advise is to choose an activity for your first date that the two of you like. The reason why an activity is a great idea is that it gives you some time to think before you speak. Many times, people are nervous on a first date. They don't know what to say. They don't know what to talk about. Sitting across from a stranger at dinner really puts the pressure on you to be in constant engagement versus if you choose an activity that both of you will like, then a major part of the date is the activity. If I am rolling a bowling ball down an alley, if I'm physically climbing up one of those indoor walls, mountain climbing type things, if I'm putting a ball at mini golf, it allows me the space for you to be able to think and process and kind of plan what you want to say next, and you're not feeling as much pressure to be performative.
As far as best practices or what a first date should be like, I really recommend choosing an activity! You shouldn't be going to a movie because you want to have the opportunity to speak to each other. The first thing I would advise is to choose an activity for your first date that the two of you like. The reason why an activity is a great idea is that it gives you some time to think before you speak. Many times, people are nervous on a first date. They don't know what to say. They don't know what to talk about. Sitting across from a stranger at dinner really puts the pressure on you to be in constant engagement versus if you choose an activity that both of you will like, then a major part of the date is the activity. If I am rolling a bowling ball down an alley, if I'm physically climbing up one of those indoor walls, mountain climbing type things, if I'm putting a ball at mini golf, it allows me the space for you to be able to think and process and kind of plan what you want to say next, and you're not feeling as much pressure to be performative.
