What to Do When Someone Curses at You (Plus, How to Defuse the Situation)

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Keep your cool with a cursing customer, coworker, or child
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You may have experienced times when you’d had to deal with someone using inappropriate language. The right way to respond to cursing depends on the situation, but one thing never changes—you don't deserve to have hurtful or aggressive swearing directed at you, period. Ahead, we'll give you tips on how to deal with a cursing person, whether it's a rude customer , a loud coworker , a swearing child , or others. We’ll also include expert advice from life coach Ese Sanchez and image consultant Sheila A. Anderson on things to consider when someone is cursing at you, and whether cursing is disrespectful .

How to Deal With a Cursing Person

For a cursing customer or coworker, remain calm, let them know they need to stop cursing, and escalate the situation to HR as needed. If they ask why, tell them it's because they won't stop cursing, and you find it disrespectful. When your child curses, find out where they heard it and explain why it’s inappropriate.

Section 1 of 5:

How to Deal With a Cursing Customer

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  1. Do not reply with anger just because the customer is working through their anger in an unhealthy way. For instance, if you’re on the phone with a customer, do not hang up on them as soon as they start cursing. If you react angrily, you might escalate the situation, and both you and the customer could end up even more aggravated than you already are.
    • Pay attention to your volume and tone of voice. Use a gentle, even tone when replying to angry customers.
    • Remain aware of your emotions. If you don’t think you can handle a certain call, tell the person that you’ll transfer them to a manager or another 3rd party, even if it’s just your coworker. Say something like, “I’m going to transfer you to someone who can help you better than I can.”
    • It’s easier to tune out or forgive swearing against a product, company, or service than it is to forgive someone swearing at you personally. Keep this in mind when dealing with the customer.
    • Remember, the irate customer does not know you, and you did not personally cause whatever misfortune they are experiencing. Don’t let their foul language rattle you or make you feel personally guilty, angry, or incompetent.
  2. Sometimes, an angry customer feels unheard or ignored, and so they act out in desperation. You can alleviate this by showing that you care about their situation. Validating their feelings can calm them down by making them feel understood. Here are some examples of validating things to say:
    • "I can tell that you're upset."
    • "That sounds frustrating to deal with."
    • "Yes, that definitely sounds like a problem. What do you need to have done to fix it?"
    • "I'm sorry to hear about that. It sounds difficult to deal with."
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  3. Sometimes, when a customer is extremely frustrated, they forget their manners. Remind that customer that while you are sorry, no amount of cursing will solve the problem they're experiencing.
    • "I understand you're upset. Cursing at me will not help me fix your problem."
    • "I know this is frustrating. I am on your team here, and profanity isn't going to help me help you."
    • "I have a hard time focusing when people are yelling at me. If you want my help, please lower your volume or come back later once you've calmed down."
  4. Give a clear, unambiguous warning that specifically mentions their cursing.
    • “I’m sorry, but I cannot help you if you curse at me.”
    • "I am sorry, but you are frightening people, and we cannot help you today. Please lower your voice or leave the building."
  5. If you're dealing with a customer over the phone, hang up on them. This is a last resort that should only be utilized in extreme cases. The foul-mouthed customer is likely to call back even angrier than before. However, if you have a customer who does not relax after repeated attempts to calm them, ending the call is the best option. Sometimes ending a call can give angry people the time they need to calm down.
    • Always be polite as you end your call. Let your customer know you’re hanging up. A goodbye like, “I’m going to hang up now because I do not want to be cursed at. I hope your day improves,” is appropriate. Be succinct.
    • Follow through on your warnings to your customer that you’re going to hang up.
  6. If one of your customers continues to curse at and threaten you, inform them that you’ll contact the police. Leave the immediate area to do so. Explain the situation to the police and, assuming the customer has fled before the police arrive, give them as much information as possible about the customer. Allow the threatening customer to leave and do not antagonize them. [1]
    • Do not shout, threaten, or scream when dealing with a customer who threatens you. This might panic them and escalate the situation.
    • If you believe the customer is armed, do not announce, “I’m calling the police.” This will only agitate them.
    • Flee from an armed customer at the first opportunity. If the exit is blocked, look for safe spaces to hide within your workplace, like under or behind a bar counter. Contact the police when you have a chance.
  7. The protocol concerning cursing customers varies with each place of employment. You may want to write down everything that happened to help you recall the facts or to make an official report. You could also tell your boss about what happened and ask for advice on dealing with similar situations in the future.
    • If you work at a call center, you can record an entry in their account describing the exchange and how you handled it.
    • At an in-person workplace, you can tell your coworkers about what happened and give them a heads-up in case the customer comes back and curses at them, too.
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Section 2 of 5:

How to React to a Cursing Coworker

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  1. Most people don't want to cause tension in the workplace, and will listen if you let them know that their cursing bothers you. Be assertive, polite, and clear. [2]
    • “Peggy, I’m uncomfortable with the language that you’re using. Could you please ease up on the cursing? I’d really appreciate it.”
  2. Cursing at anyone, especially a coworker, is an act of profound disrespect. Verbal abuse is very inappropriate in the workplace (and in general). Relax your face, even if you feel angry or scared. Breathe deeply to calm your nerves and assert yourself. [3]
    • "Don't speak to me like that. I don't talk to you that way, and I don't deserve this."
    • "I need you to stop cursing at me."
    • "I have asked you 3 times to stop cursing at me now. It's creating a stressful environment, and I will go to HR for help if I need to."
  3. Workplace friends may use profanity during conversations with each other more than they would with other coworkers. For instance, if you have worked in a place for a long time, you might begin to hear someone speak to you more informally and use more curse words. This could mean that the coworker considers you a friend.
    • If it makes you uncomfortable, just say so. "Cursing makes me uncomfortable. I prefer that you don’t do it around me." If they consider you a friend, then they won't want to make you feel bad.
  4. If you tell your manager that a certain coworker is making you uncomfortable by using curse words, the coworker could be dismissed or disciplined for creating a hostile work environment. Individuals affected by a hostile or intimidating person (such as a cursing coworker) can be proactive by informing management about their feelings. [4]
    • Try keeping a log of your coworker's behavior, with each entry dated and with a full description of what happened and how you handled it. This can be useful evidence if needed.
    • If your immediate supervisor is unresponsive, contact the human resources department where you work. Sometimes you have to go over your direct manager’s head to get results.
    • If your company as a whole is unresponsive, talk to a lawyer. Lawsuits involving hostile work environments are taken very seriously.
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Section 3 of 5:

How to Respond to a Swearing Child

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  1. Try not to overreact by yelling at or scaring your child. If your child knows that a certain word makes you angry, they may use it to push your buttons later. Similarly, it’s best not to laugh when your child curses. This could make them think the behavior is acceptable, and they might use it again to be funny. [5]
    • Sanchez notes that, “It depends on the parents. Some may try not to laugh when their child curses, because they don't want to encourage their behavior and they don't want to provoke that dialogue in their child.”
  2. Kids curse for many reasons. They might be seeking attention, expressing anger, or bullying another child. Find out why the child cursed by asking, “Why did you use that word?” after you’ve heard or received word of the child swearing. Be patient if they need to explain that they heard the curse word from someone they know. Other possible reasons a child curses follow: [6]
    • They heard the curse word somewhere, but didn't know it was inappropriate.
    • They feel ignored, and don't know how to get your attention.
    • They're angry and trying to express it.
    • They're copying another person.
    • Children also hear new words from listening to music and watching TV or movies. Find out what they think is appropriate about cursing and explain the difference between good and bad role models; having an open dialogue can help.
    • Talk to them about what they can do the next time other people curse around them (or at them).
  3. Children aren't always as emotionally intelligent as adults are, and they might look to you for guidance. You can teach them more constructive ways to handle what they're dealing with.
    • If the child didn't know it was a curse, explain that it's a curse word and it's inappropriate. If they get embarrassed or upset, reassure them that they didn't know it was inappropriate, so you aren't upset with them. Now they do know, and don't have to use it again.
    • If they feel lonely or ignored, talk to them about better ways to get your attention. Maybe you'd like your child to tell you, "I'm lonely," or to invite you to hang out with them. Then, be sure to pay attention when they do this in the future, so they know it works better than cursing.
    • If they're angry, talk about other ways to handle anger. Maybe you'd prefer that your child says "I'm angry,” or does something like punch a pillow, draw an angry picture, rip it up, or get some exercise. Talk about ways to handle anger, and be a good role model by using healthy coping mechanisms when you feel angry.
    • If they're copying someone, have a conversation about how curse words might make others feel. Ask the child if they've ever been scared or upset by being cursed at. Talk about people who might be better role models, and things that are better to do than cursing.
  4. Along with typically vulgar words, explain to your child that name-calling, yelling, and a sharp tone are also unacceptable. Invite your child to ask questions so that they are clear on your policy, what kind of language you tolerate, and what kind you don’t. Outline the various types of discipline your child will face when they utilize foul language in the future.
    • Be clear when explaining why certain types of speech are inappropriate. For instance, you could explain to your child that “bad words” offend many people. If you are religious, you might also inform them that certain words are forbidden by your faith.
  5. When you're the only one talking, and the child feels that you won't listen to their side, they may just tune you out. This isn't helpful or constructive. Instead of lecturing, work on having an open dialogue. Let the child talk about their feelings and ideas, without them feeling that they’re being judged right away.
  6. Jumping to punishment may make a child feel like you aren't willing to listen to them, or that you don't care about their feelings. Use your words first to explain the rules and have a dialogue about why they cursed and what they could do next time. If they come around, then no punishment is needed. [7]
    • Try talking to the child about how they could make amends if they upset somebody. This is a positive form of discipline that can help them feel better about themselves. Ask the child for ideas on how to make amends to someone they upset (e.g., drawing them a picture, singing them an "I'm sorry" song, or doing something nice for them) and let the child choose which way they think is best.
    • Time-outs, grounding, and suspension of privileges may make a child feel "naughty." Limit this type of discipline as much as you can.
    • Do not use physical force against your child, such as slapping or spanking. This will harm your relationship with them and may worsen behavior problems, including making them more likely to hit others.
  7. It’s important to keep your focus on them in ways that aren’t related to their cursing. Sometimes, kids act out because they just need more attention. If they get more quality time from you and other caregivers, they may stop swearing or avoid saying bad words all on their own.
  8. When a child acts out, they may be communicating that they're scared, lonely, overwhelmed, or otherwise unable to handle something constructively. Ask them why they do this (if they don't know, keep talking about it.) Try to figure out what's wrong.
    • Sometimes, a child needs to "have a good cry" if they're dealing with a lot of emotions. You can help by staying and listening. Sit next to them, or hold them while they cry. Being there for them makes a difference.
    • Consider getting a good therapist involved if your child is really struggling.
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Section 4 of 5:

Things to Remember When Someone Swears at You

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  1. Even though it is deemed inappropriate in polite society, swearing can make people feel empowered and provide a needed catharsis. If someone is swearing for emphasis or swearing to express general frustration, there is usually no reason to be upset. Sometimes, in a moment of anger, people utilize curse words. Whatever the case, try to empathize with the person’s situation and learn to accept non-aggressive swearing as a normal part of human speech.
  2. Tourette’s syndrome (TS) is a neurological disability that causes a person to make involuntary sounds or movements. A person with TS may say curse words because they cannot control their mouth. In this case, it's best to just ignore it and know that they aren't doing it on purpose. [8]
    • People with TS may have other tics such as grimacing, touching a part of the face, sniffing, shrugging, or blinking unusually. The movements may be repeated again and again.
    • Recognize that the person with TS may be embarrassed by the swearing tic. They may try to control it, but be unable to. It's best to ignore the cursing and keep on having a pleasant conversation.
    • About 1 in 162 children in the US have TS.
  3. If you hear someone cursing in public, call your local police department’s non-emergency number or get the attention of a police officer to let them know about the foul language being spoken. [9]
    • Usually, there will be a ticket and a fine for the individual who was cursing. The amount of the fine varies by locality, but some can range up to $500. [10]
  4. The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) is the government agency tasked with keeping various communications media free of profanity. If you hear inappropriate language on TV or hear profanity over the phone, you can submit your complaint by mail, email, fax, or phone. All you need to file the complaint is the call sign of the station or name of the individual, the city and state where the phone call or broadcast originated, and the date and time of the offending broadcast or phone call.
    • The quickest way to file a complaint is to visit the FCC Complaints Page and click on “File Complaint” under either TV or radio.
    • You do not need to provide a recording or transcript of the program or call. However, you can send one, though it will not be returned.
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Section 5 of 5:

Is cursing a form of disrespect?

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  1. 1
    Using curse words is considered generally offensive. Cursing is traditionally seen as a violation of agreed-upon social norms like politeness. Others often view cursing as a verbal behavior that is antisocial in some form. Using profanity is thought of as taboo in many societies or social situations, whether the person is angry or not. If you’re offended when someone curses at you, keep the following tips in mind: [11]
    • Anderson suggests that, “When someone says something and you find it offensive, pause and ask them to repeat what they said. Doing so gives the other person an opportunity to hear what they said. Tell them how the words they spoke make you feel. Remain genuine and courteous, and non-confrontational. Keep your language and tone of voice respectful. You may also want to limit your time in the future with this person.”
    • Anderson goes on to note that it’s important to also “pay attention to your body language and maintain eye contact. Keep your torso pointed towards them so they know you are interested in trying to resolve the situation.”
  2. 2
    Some think of profanity as a sign of honesty. It can also have positive associations when others use curse words to express exactly how they’re feeling. Despite having a possible link to authenticity or honesty, when others curse to show how they feel, it doesn’t always come across that way to the person they’re speaking to. [12]
    • Studies done in 2005 by Rassin & Heijden reveal that the majority of people felt that cursing made a testimonial more credible, despite them saying that they consider swear words a sign of deceit.
    • Other studies suggest that people who are generally dishonest tend to curse more.
  3. 3
    Using curse words can be abusive when said in anger. Knowing how to respond to verbal abuse depends on whether the words are used to manipulate, intimidate, or help maintain power over you. In addition to angry cursing, certain types of insults, humiliation, or ridicule are also considered verbal abuse. Making someone else feel this way by cursing or with other verbal attacks often indicates a threat of physical abuse to come. [13]
    • It’s possible to try and stop your partner from swearing if you believe their words are used to control, manipulate, or humiliate you in a relationship.
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    What happens if it's a random guy biking past me?
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    Then just ignore it. Crazy people are everywhere, but a random cyclist cursing at you isn't even worth getting upset over.
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    What should I do if the person will not stop cursing?
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    Distance yourself from that person. If they ask you why, tell them it is because they won't stop cursing and you find it disrespectful. If they keep bothering you, or they're cursing in an inappropriate environment like at school, tell a teacher/adult.
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    How do I deal with a friend who is cursing me?
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    Explain to your friend that when he curses at you, he is disrespecting you. Why would a friend do that?
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.dm.usda.gov/physicalsecurity/violentwp.htm
      2. ↑ https://www.askamanager.org/2011/11/coworker-constantly-swears-and-uses-angry-language.html
      3. ↑ https://www.huffingtonpost.com/diane-gottsman/office-etiquette-oh-did-i_b_5715465.html
      4. ↑ https://www.eeoc.gov/laws/types/harassment.cfm
      5. ↑ https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/how-to-be-a-parent/angry_child/kids-swearing-cursing/
      6. ↑ https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/how-to-be-a-parent/angry_child/kids-swearing-cursing/
      7. ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking.aspx
      8. ↑ https://www.cdc.gov/tourette-syndrome/data/index.html
      9. ↑ https://gondolaproject.com/2012/08/29/swearing-on-a-gondola-and-public-transit-in-hong-kong/
      1. ↑ https://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/swearing-public-punishable-20-fine-middleborough-massachusetts-article-1.1094028
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/unique-like-everybody-else/201703/is-using-profanity-a-sign-of-honesty
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/unique-like-everybody-else/201703/is-using-profanity-a-sign-of-honesty
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/unique-like-everybody-else/201703/is-using-profanity-a-sign-of-honesty

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