How do I come out as bi?

WikiEagleRunner809
07/10/24 2:21pm
I want to tell my parents that I'm bi but I'm highkey scared about how they'll react. How do I come out to them? It's been really stressing me out I wonder if I should just not saying anything until I move out :')

wikiHow Expert
Inge Hansen, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist
07/10/24 4:51pm
Parents show a wide range in terms of their ability and willingness to accept their kids' sexual orientation, so some will need a lot more time and education to help them adjust than others. It's always a good idea to plan a conversation for when your parents are in a fairly calm and receptive frame of mind and to let them know you have something important to share with them. Let them know that you're bisexual and tell them how you've come to learn that this is your authentic identity. Help them to see that you are taking a risk by having this conversation with them and that it's an act of trust.

If your parents have a negative reaction to your news, you may want to give them some space and get yourself some support from a friend or someone else who already knows and accepts your identity. Remember that their initial reaction is not their forever reaction, and that they may need space, time, and education to catch up and be more ready to embrace you for your full authentic self. However, sometimes you may be happily surprised at how welcoming your parents turn out to be right from the start. Good luck!
Anonymous WikiBird
Anonymous WikiBird
11/08/24 1:18am
This had really helped me a lot, first, it helped me come out as non-binary and bisexual in two multiple years, (one apart from the other) me and my friends ( already knew) created this plan and well, it work fantastically and they had support and when I thought they didn't have, this really helped my self confidence and my esteem too as well as coming out!

Thanks a lot,
Someone
wikiHow Expert
Jin S. Kim, MA
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
07/10/24 7:52pm
Everyone experiences their coming out journey in a different way, and one important thing to realize is that coming out is not a one-time event, but a lifetime experience that an LBGTQ person repeatedly does in their lifetime due to our heteronormative world. You should examine some key factors when deciding to come out to your parents such as whether coming out potentially puts you at risk to be kicked out of your household. Are your parents very religious? What are the cultural nuances that may impact how your parents respond? Do you have adequate resources to support yourself in the likelihood your parents respond extremely negatively to you coming out?
WikiLorisWatcher831
07/12/24 10:56pm
I was scared to come out to my parents as bi too because they are a little more on the conservative side so I knew they weren't going to be super happy about it. But I hated hiding who I was and knew that if they really kicked me out of the house I had a supportive friend whose family would let me stay with them. I just told them that I had something to tell them and said I was bisexual, and that it didn't change anything about who I was as a person. My parents were upset and kind of blew me off but at least they didn't disown me or anything. For a while they just kinda swept me being bi under the rug and kept acting like I was straight, which was especially easy to do when I had a girlfriend (I'm a guy). It was annoying but better than being kicked out.

But eventually my girlfriend and I broke up and I got a boyfriend. At first I just sort of tried to keep him out of sight but eventually I decided to be brave and bring him around the house, and then my parents couldn't really ignore the fact that I was gay. They were kind of jerks at first, ignoring him or only referring to him as my 'friend." But we stuck it out. I kept having open conversations with them about how they were making me feel, and over time they came to accept me being bi and are even friendly with my boyfriend. It was a really long and hard process but I'm so much happier now. I can't guarantee that your parents will react and change the same way but I wish you the best of luck.
WikiLionReader433
07/13/24 8:52pm
I feel like so many people still don't understand what it means to be bi, and i definitely experienced bi erasure when I first came out. I'd never dated anyone at that point and lots of my so-called friends said it was just a phase :/ so anyways then when I started dating a boy everyone took that as confirmation that I had actually been straight all along, but being in a straight relationship doesn't make me less bi!! I found that so frustrating, and then I didn't even feel welcome in queer spaces when with my boyfriend because we were a straight-passing couple (even though my bf at the time was also queer).


Then when I started dating my current girlfriend, everyone would just assume I'm a lesbian. I try not to let it bother me so much now, but these things were really hard when I was first coming out and trying to figure out my identity. on the bright side (i guess) is that I got to see a lot of people's true colors. it'll definitely hurt at first to lose people you thought would support you, but at the end of the day you'll be happier surrounded by people who love you for who you are :)
Anonymous WikiKoala
Anonymous WikiKoala
12/09/24 5:30am
us panapples(its a pun if you didn't know.) have the same problem.
WikiCassowaryTamer765
07/13/24 11:52pm
I don't know if this will be helpful to anyone but I wanted to share my experience as someone who was super lucky to have supportive family and friends when I came out as bi. My parents were happy for me and said they were happy that I felt safe enough with them to share who I was with them. They even put up a pride flag outside teh house and we went to pride as a family that year

The only problem is now they make jokes like "You can date both boys and girls and you're STILL single?" haha. I like to say I'm all "bi" myself :')
Anonymous WikiDugong
Anonymous WikiDugong
11/03/24 12:26pm
I would never accpet myself as BI cause I am a muslim in an unsupportive family and I took a quiz but it said I am but I will not say I am and I will not tell myself I am
Anonymous WikiKoala
Anonymous WikiKoala
12/09/24 5:32am
the quizzes are mostly for fun.
Anonymous WikiValley
Anonymous WikiValley
11/07/24 1:49am
i think thats a good idea
Bryce_Almeida
11/07/24 5:15am
Honestly, that's my plan too lmao...
Anonymous WikiLynx
Anonymous WikiLynx
11/07/24 7:30pm
take as much time as you need
Anonymous WikiDolphin
Anonymous WikiDolphin
11/08/24 3:46pm
You should tell them! It will be okay. I promise.
Anonymous WikiDugong
Anonymous WikiDugong
11/08/24 7:27pm
a lot of people are scared to come out, but they really shouldn't be. my parents accepted that I was bi and even had a little celebration, in the end though, it's up to you. I like to say that it's like a bandaid, take it off slowly and it just hurts more. you gotta be decisive and just, y'know, do it, but like I said, in the end, it's up to the individual, and it depends on the parents, some react well, but I've also seen parents who react rashly.
Anonymous WikiLemur
Anonymous WikiLemur
11/08/24 8:48pm
My parents are Muslim and I think I'm lesbian my parents don't even know what being gay is what should I do?
Anonymous WikiKoala
Anonymous WikiKoala
11/20/24 4:28am
Talk to them about why you're feeling that way and they might understand. Or wait until you're completely sure before because they could get upset.
Anonymous WikiWombat
Anonymous WikiWombat
11/09/24 2:47pm
Its ok
Anonymous WikiSalamander
Anonymous WikiSalamander
11/10/24 10:45am
I just came out as bi to my parents and it felt really good. Maby you can try just writing it down on a piece of paper and let them read it (that’s what I did)
Anonymous WikiStoat
Anonymous WikiStoat
12/06/24 3:09am
That's a really good idea ...
Anonymous WikiKoala
Anonymous WikiKoala
11/10/24 5:41pm
Hey there! sorry that this is a few months late, but I totally get how you feel, I came out to my parents as pan a few years ago and was totally scared about how they would take it. I’m not sure how old you are but let’s say your somewhere between the ages of 10-17 if thats not right, I’m sorry :( I would start by talking to some close friends about it, they can hopefully at least give you some support in school. As for your parents, the most important thing is to have enough faith in yourself, because even if they take it well, they are going to have questions and they might be upset. You need to know this is not your fault and has nothing to do with you!! you are loved and supported no matter what. If they really care about you as their child, they will love and support you no matter what! In the hopefully unlikely case they don’t support this, it’s important to have backup plans… perhaps a close friend who you could stay with, or a cool aunt/uncle. I ended up moving in with my friend’s family for a month after coming out because my parents ‘needed time to process’ I’m back at home with them now. Also… practice what you will say in the mirror so you know what your face will look like. You can do this! I believe in you!! Please take care of your self first, be kind to your body and mind and get help if you need it! There are so many of us out here who will support you! I know this is a long rant, but hopefully you can find this somewhat helpful.
Anonymous WikiPanda
Anonymous WikiPanda
11/10/24 7:52pm
i want to tell my parents but when i told them my friend was one they seemed like kinda disgusted, i dont know what to do!
Anonymous WikiChinchilla
Anonymous WikiChinchilla
11/11/24 9:54am
Why do 50’somethings men like me suddenly become sexually obsessed with men and men only?
Anonymous WikiFawn
Anonymous WikiFawn
11/12/24 2:37am
I'm Bi, I'm really scared to tell anyone, I plan on telling my friend soon. I'm still really scared though. I'm leaning a bit more on the straight side but I'm still attracted to all genders. I'm not sure how my parents are going to react, I think they will react well though. My aunt is Lesbian if I need to I can come out to her before my parents.
Anonymous WikiSalamander
Anonymous WikiSalamander
11/12/24 11:15am
I'm Muslim but I have a feeling I'm bi, but I'm really scared what my parents will think and I think it's harambee but cannot find anything written in the Quran about it so tried searching online but s9me say yes, and some say no
Anonymous WikiKoala
Anonymous WikiKoala
11/13/24 7:56pm
Maybe try hinting that your bi to your parent because I struggle the same way idk what to tell them but just hint to them then slowly build up the courage to tell them
Anonymous WikiStoat
Anonymous WikiStoat
12/06/24 3:11am
Tbh I've just been making heaps of bracelets in the pansexual colours and hoping that my mom will eventually notice. Lol
Anonymous WikiKoala
Anonymous WikiKoala
11/13/24 8:00pm
I’m American and here in America we are on both side we are not very kind to bi and gay people but it’s not about the outside that matters it’s the inside and I am saying this from personal moment the schools are especially rude to gay and bisexual people and I also say this because I am bisexual.
WikiLemurReader410
11/13/24 10:09pm
im not sure i feel but parents are a concern if i did come out
Anonymous WikiLion
Anonymous WikiLion
11/14/24 7:47pm
At 4yrs old my dad came into the enclosed back porch of our 4th floor Chicago apartment and sees me wearing my sisters red sequins leotard with an attached little red sequins fringe skirt. He picked me up, put me on his shoulders and carried me into the kitchen where my mom and an aunt and another neighbor woman were chatting and drinking coffee. He set me down on the floor and said “dance my lovely boy” and as I twirled and giggled and laughed like crazy, my mom, dad and the rest of the ladies laughed and giggled, whistled etc. I felt so fantastic and was having so much fun I didn’t want to stop. My mom & dad let me wear the dress the rest of the day. Our neighbor Mrs.Louise zipped up the rear zipper and I heard her say tights or something like that to my mom. But for the rest of my childhood and until today I wear my sister’s old skating tights and dresses, so everyone in my neighborhood probably thinks that I am at least gay if not bi.
Anonymous WikiCassowary
Anonymous WikiCassowary
11/14/24 9:50pm
show them this quiz
Anonymous WikiFerret
Anonymous WikiFerret
11/16/24 9:16pm
My parents knows I’m bi but my friend dont, and they joke alot about gay and pueer stuff and use it as insults. So I don’t really know how they would react but it makes me really uncomfortable and sad when they joke about that stuff and says it’s weird. So I don’t really know if I Should tell them.
Anonymous WikiDesert
Anonymous WikiDesert
11/16/24 10:17pm
I think girls are pretty and I might be open to dating one but what I’m not sure about is the intimate stuff? Like would I be into that or not? I don’t know
TheTimido13
11/18/24 6:54pm
I don’t know what i am but i feel people will no longer think they can trust me
Anonymous WikiGibbon
Anonymous WikiGibbon
11/18/24 7:23pm
Hi, I’m not like a professional or anything but I’ve only come out to my mum because I knew she would be supportive of me and I’m waiting until I’ve told a few more friends to tell the rest of my family :)
TheTimido13
11/19/24 2:17pm
Do you guys think ill be judged for maybe being BI its just so many people are so nice and i can imagine the rest of my life with them maybe i just bhaver a good friendship but i really love them
Anonymous WikiFlamingo
Anonymous WikiFlamingo
11/19/24 4:34pm
It is up to you it is hard to come out but they are your parents they probably will be fine with it
Anonymous WikiIbis
Anonymous WikiIbis
11/20/24 4:03pm
I'm thinking the same thing I'm a guy and I totally like men but idk what to do and I have really bad anxiety cuz of it
WikiIbisSlinger353
11/21/24 4:14am
I would tell my parents.. but I’m just so afraid to tell them I’m very Lowkey scared XD cuz of how they’ll react- I really need to tell then sooner! But im afraid of wondering how they will react to that im a bisexual It’s Getting my Stressed Out, and I don’t know what to do! Really- How should I tell them this?.. im very stressed Out- But some of my friends know im bisexual it’s just that I haven’t told my parents yet!
Anonymous WikiWombat
Anonymous WikiWombat
11/21/24 6:06am
How do I tell ny parents I am bisexual because they think I am way to young to know my sexuality and to like people but I am a girl and the person i like is a girl but i also like boys so I am pretty positive I am bisexual but I am worried because I am worried I will get bullied at school.
WikiCatTamer4851
12/13/24 6:47pm
I have the same problem as you! I'm not sure either.
Anonymous WikiRiver
Anonymous WikiRiver
11/21/24 7:34pm
I think it depends if your comfortable telling them know or not like if you feel like you should then you should but if your scared and don't want to yet wait until You know it's the right time ,
WikiNarwhalDiver893
11/22/24 11:16am
I enjoy being bi sexual it just happened about 5years ago started out as being curious went to an adult video store where they have private booths after about 4trips finally got the courage to say yes to some guy who asked me what I wanted to do
WikiMountainWhisperer170
11/29/24 8:15am
I have known for a while that I am bi, but I don’t want to tell my parents yet because I’m not sure how they will react. I keep thinking they’ll say ‘you’re too young to know that no, come back to us when you’re older and know for real then’. I’m planning on telling my closest friend, but I’m not sure how she’ll take it, if I tell her I have a crush on a girl (I’m female). What should I do?
Anonymous WikiGlade
Anonymous WikiGlade
12/04/24 7:05am
If you know for sure that you have a friend that won't judge you, I think it's safe to tell them. I haven't told my parents either, but I've talked to my friends about it. This probably sounds cliché, talking about it really did make me feel good afterwards
Anonymous WikiGiraffe
Anonymous WikiGiraffe
11/30/24 7:12am
I think you should tell them, and if they don’t except you then that’s their problem, not yours
Anonymous WikiFlamingo
Anonymous WikiFlamingo
12/01/24 11:48pm
I just told my mum on the car ride to school “mum I’m pansexual” so in case she disowned me I could stay at my friends house
Anonymous WikiCapybara
Anonymous WikiCapybara
12/03/24 11:22pm
It really depends on your parents, if they are strict and like a certain way of life, I wouldn’t. If they are laid back I’d do it. But if they are in between I’m not sure. Because I told my mom and she said if I was sure she was support me but my dad would freak. And I know advice is good, but honestly? Go with your gut girl. We are all right behind you!!❤️❤️❤️
Anonymous WikiStoat
Anonymous WikiStoat
12/06/24 3:19am
I'm still waiting to tell my parents. (They're divorced) I know that my mum would be really accepting because she actually dated a girl for a while. But my dad isn't as accepting, and he thinks that it's gross, and always tells me this whenever we see a girl with short hair, like bro, she just has short hair, CHILL OUT. does anyone have any ideas on how I could tell my dad? Like, I know that he would love me no matter what, but it's still REALLY SCARY.
Anonymous WikiTiger
Anonymous WikiTiger
12/08/24 6:38am
I am so nerves to tell my parents because
I was tot that being LGBT + is a sin what do I do
Anonymous WikiKoala
Anonymous WikiKoala
12/09/24 5:28am
I just recently came out as pan, I suggest telling one parent first, then the other. also, have an escape plan in case things go south. Good luck❤
Anonymous WikiEmu
Anonymous WikiEmu
12/11/24 7:01am
I don’t know what my Sexuality is but I think I’m Pansexual but I don’t know how to tell my parents either-
Anonymous WikiCassowary
Anonymous WikiCassowary
12/14/24 2:48pm
I want to tell my family I'm bi but I'm scared. My sister is out to them (as lesbian) but I'm just scared and I don't know why. I'm already out to some friends but they know that I'm not out to my family yet. It's really stressing me out and I don't know when to tell them.
Anonymous WikiFox
Anonymous WikiFox
12/20/24 9:59pm
It's awkward and idk how to come out as bi and demigirl I don't think it will be an issue with my parents but I'm also scared to come out as a therian and a furry any tips????

What’s on your mind? Ask anything.

Get advice and feedback from experts and wikiHow readers just like you.

Ask a Question

What do other wikiHow readers have to say?

Other wikiHow readers have submitted their own tips on topics similar to this one.

Reader Tips from How to Come Out
Anonymous Reader
Anonymous Reader
It's very likely that you aren't actually going to come out just once. You might come out to your parents, then come out to your friends, then come out to future coworkers and so on. That might seem scary to you right now, but it means that you don't actually have to worry about "screwing up." You'll have plenty of opportunities to come out so you'll have plenty of chances to refine and perfect what you say! Don't sweat it if you feel like you don't get everything perfect the first time.
Anonymous Reader
Anonymous Reader
If you happen to be coming out as trans or nonbinary and your parents are Christian, it might help to remind them that the Bible actually never says anything about not being cisgender being a bad fact. In fact, Galatians 3:28 specifically talks about "man" and "woman" being pointless categories under God's love!
Anonymous Reader
Anonymous Reader
Coming out is a hard thing to do but I've learned that if they truly are friends, they won't care. I was very nervous to come out to my friends, but it actually turns out that 2 of them are bi and just never shared it with people.
Anonymous Reader
Anonymous Reader
If you need to get it out but don't want to tell a person, try telling a pet or writing it in your journal. It can help get the weight of the secret off your chest!
Anonymous Reader
Anonymous Reader
If people joke or make fun that they're worried you're attracted to them, you can come back with, "Don't flatter yourself" to shut down their teasing.
Anonymous Reader
Anonymous Reader
If you're not sure how your parents will react, I'd recommend starting out with a question like, "What's your opinion on LGBTQ people?" to test the waters and see how they respond. Or, if you have an LGBTQIA relative, "How did the family react to (relative) when they came out?" This way you can figure out if they're safe to tell or not.
Anonymous Reader
Anonymous Reader
It's totally up to you, but I wouldn't recommend coming out to outwardly homophobic parents if you rely on them for anything. You can always come out after you've left the house and you're safe, but if there's any chance they'll kick you out or hurt you, it's not worth the risk.
Anonymous Reader
Anonymous Reader
If you have any queer relatives, think about how your parents reacted to them before coming out. They'll likely feel similar about your situation.