How do you know if you're gay?

This post was sourced from submitted reader questions and posted by wikiHow Editorial Staff, based on our article: How to Know if You Are Gay .

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wikiHow Editorial Team

03/04/25 2:35pm

Discovering your sexuality is such a personal journey, and one that's oftentimes confusing. To hopefully help you find some clarity, here are some common signs that you might be gay:

You feel sexually aroused when you see attractive people of the same gender as you.
You've had crushes on people of the same gender as you in the past.
Your past opposite-sex relationships have felt "off," uncomfortable, or not romantic or sexual.
You have sexual fantasies about people of the same gender as you.

Remember that sexuality is a spectrum, and it's completely up to you how you want to identify. Even if you've experienced one or more of the signs above, it doesn't necessarily mean you're gay (although it could!), but it might be a sign that you may want to further explore your sexuality to find out what makes you happiest.

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Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist

03/04/25 2:37pm

First and foremost, know that it's okay to be confused about your sexuality. Think of sexuality as very fluid—it's not so black and white. Are you 100% straight? Are you 100% homosexual? Sometimes you can be in the gray. And sometimes you can have fantasies about another gender but never want to actually pursue it. So sexuality is one of those things that we need to have a little bit more leeway around and be okay with that. There may not be a direct answer.

Second, it's okay to explore and see if you're ready to take that next step and just see how you feel in that situation. Does it feel right to you? Was it okay? Do you want to try that? And maybe it's not really for you, or you might have built this up in your head, but it's not really what you want. Or it’s the opposite and now you know this is the sexuality that you want to pursue.

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