Things to say to my transphobic bully
If you could, please think of some sarcastic ones. Thanks, I really need some help.
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Expert Comments
We're sorry to hear that you're dealing with a bully—that's a really difficult situation and we feel for you. If someone is being transphobic toward you, then it's typically best to ignore what they're saying so they don't get a reaction out of you. Pretend like you didn't hear them and go about your day like normal. Even if what they said bothered you, journal your feelings about it or talk to a trusted friend for additional support.
If the bullying doesn't stop and they keep up their behavior, then talk to an authority figure like a teacher, parent, work supervisor, or even law enforcement to let them know what's happening. They will do what they can to help you feel safe and comfortable again.
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If the bullying doesn't stop and they keep up their behavior, then talk to an authority figure like a teacher, parent, work supervisor, or even law enforcement to let them know what's happening. They will do what they can to help you feel safe and comfortable again.
If you know the bully well, have a private conversation with them and make it clear that you expect more respectful behavior from them. Ask why they engaged in the bullying and offer suggestions for more respectful behavior in the future for their own sake.
If you don't know the bully well, express surprise and disappointment that they are bullying you. If they continue their behavior, then it may be time to talk to another person about the issue.
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If you don't know the bully well, express surprise and disappointment that they are bullying you. If they continue their behavior, then it may be time to talk to another person about the issue.
When you want to say something to a transphobic bully, it's worth considering what type of response you can give, because you don't want to let a bully push you over and walk over you and insult you. You want to push back where you can, but you also need to think about your own safety while doing so. If the bully is alone, for instance, it might be worth just being around some friends as you're going out, people you know you can trust. When you're in a group, the bully is probably not going to try anything.
But if the bully is with a bunch of people and is antagonizing you, don’t push back on them directly. Instead, try to document everything that's going on. A lot of times, either in a workplace or in an educational setting, people have an issue with reporting bullies to the authorities, but it’s essential. If the bully is sending any written texts, emails, letters, or anything that's antagonizing, save all of them. Compile the evidence. If it's all just verbal, try to report what is going on. Of course, keep in mind whatever laws are in your state or municipality, but try to report everything and be ready to present it to an authority figure, HR representative, or whoever has the power to remove that bully from your space.
If you're in a situation where you can't get anyone to help you, like it's one-on-one, then do whatever you can to remove yourself from the situation with the bully. Don't get into a big fight, because especially as a queer person, that could backfire on you if someone claims you were the antagonizer. I recommend looking into self-defense classes for queer people. A lot of them focus on how you can leave an escalated situation safely and without anyone getting hurt. But if you’re in a situation where you can't even get out, that’s when I would resort to full-on recording everything happening. Make sure that no matter what happens, there is proof that you're being antagonized, and you can show that whoever this person is, they are coming at you with intent to harm you. They are verbally insulting you.
Ultimately, do whatever you need to do for your safety. Talk to authority figures around you so they can remove the bully from the situation, gather proof and evidence, and look into self-defense classes oriented towards queer people around you that focus on helping you get out of the situation safely.
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But if the bully is with a bunch of people and is antagonizing you, don’t push back on them directly. Instead, try to document everything that's going on. A lot of times, either in a workplace or in an educational setting, people have an issue with reporting bullies to the authorities, but it’s essential. If the bully is sending any written texts, emails, letters, or anything that's antagonizing, save all of them. Compile the evidence. If it's all just verbal, try to report what is going on. Of course, keep in mind whatever laws are in your state or municipality, but try to report everything and be ready to present it to an authority figure, HR representative, or whoever has the power to remove that bully from your space.
If you're in a situation where you can't get anyone to help you, like it's one-on-one, then do whatever you can to remove yourself from the situation with the bully. Don't get into a big fight, because especially as a queer person, that could backfire on you if someone claims you were the antagonizer. I recommend looking into self-defense classes for queer people. A lot of them focus on how you can leave an escalated situation safely and without anyone getting hurt. But if you’re in a situation where you can't even get out, that’s when I would resort to full-on recording everything happening. Make sure that no matter what happens, there is proof that you're being antagonized, and you can show that whoever this person is, they are coming at you with intent to harm you. They are verbally insulting you.
Ultimately, do whatever you need to do for your safety. Talk to authority figures around you so they can remove the bully from the situation, gather proof and evidence, and look into self-defense classes oriented towards queer people around you that focus on helping you get out of the situation safely.
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