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What should I do if my partner acts clingy?

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Erika Kaplan
Matchmaker

03/17/25 6:47pm

Set boundaries for what you're comfortable with, but try to compromise to ensure you both feel secure in the relationship. If you feel like someone is clinging, it’s usually possible to meet in the middle.

On the one hand, you can give them the reinforcement they need to feel secure in the relationship by being there when you say you will and following through on your word. On the other hand, it’s also okay to express that you need a little bit more space and independence sometimes, especially if you’re an independent person, which many of us are.

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Renee Slansky
Dating Coach

04/10/25 7:38pm

I think the first thing you need to do is put a little bit of space between them and you because if you lash out and verbally say, “Oh, you're too clingy with me,” it could have the wrong effect. Having some physical space or being extra busy will give them a moment to focus on themselves rather than on you.

Communicating now by saying, “Oh, you're too clingy,” might be a little bit hard depending on the person that you're with. You could say it in an alternate method that I came up with, which is Affirm, Explain, Example, Ask.

First, Affirm would be, “I love having our time together. I love when we do things together,” so it’s starting on a positive note, and you're not dissing the whole relationship or the amount of attention and time that they're giving you. The last thing you want them to do is completely pull back from you and just have this void between you.

Then, Explain by giving an example of the sort of behavior they're doing now and why you're not loving it as much . “I noticed the other day that you called me 15 times when I was out with the girls, and I really felt that it was too much because it made me feel that you didn't trust me. If you do call me, don't call me 15 times because it makes me want to stay out a little longer.”

Finally, Ask , “Is that something that you can understand?”. You're posing the question to them instead of attacking them or pointing the finger at them and putting them down. That's probably the easiest way to handle any conflict in any relationship.

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Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist

04/08/25 6:00pm

When you decide your partner is acting clingy, reflect and ask yourself: have you been pulling away; needing to spend less time together; or has anything in your circumstances changed? Life events such as a move, new job, death in your community, new friends, or new activities can be activating insecurity in your relationship.

Once you determine that there is nothing too new in each other’s life, you can begin to gently communicate to your partner that you’ve noticed that something in you has shifted. Ask them if they are open to talking about it. You may realize that one or both of your needs have changed in the relationship. Be curious and ask: are they/you feeling cared for, attended to; and like the two of you are on the same page?

Clinginess can be a sign that one or both people’s needs are not being met. If you approach it with curiosity and as a team acknowledging that insecurity is an opportunity to reevaluate how each other’s needs are being met, it can really move things forward.

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