75+ Hilarious Pirate Jokes, Puns, & One Liners

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The best pirate jokes to make you laugh your booty off
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Need a pirate joke funny enough to make them shiver their timbers? Or maybe you want to have the perfect joke ready for International Talk Like A Pirate Day. Either way, you’ve come to the right place! We’ve put together a list of over 75 hilarious pirate jokes to share with your friends, family, co-workers, or any other scurvy scalawag you run into. Plus, we threw in a few long jokes to help you keep those buccaneers laughing so hard they’ll forget to make you walk the plank.

Section 1 of 8:

Best Pirate Jokes

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  1. Because once you lose a hand, you get hooked.
  2. 2
    How much did the pirate pay for their piercings? A buccaneer.
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  3. 3
    What kind of sweaters to pirates wear? Arrrrgyle.
  4. 4
    What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in the freezer? Shiver me timbers!
  5. He wanted a better booty.
  6. 6
    What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes? 8 pirates.
  7. 7
    What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate? One has a rumbling tummy, and the other’s a tumbling rummy.
  8. 8
    Why can you never call a pirate on the phone? Because he left it off the hook.
  9. 9
    Why did the pirate become a chef? Because he mastered the arrrrh-t of cooking.
  10. They don’t want to get a hook in the ring.
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Section 2 of 8:

Pirate Jokes for Kids

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  1. Because they spend most of their lives at C.
  2. 2
    Where do you go to the bathroom on a ship with no toilet? The poop deck.
  3. 3
    Where did Captain Hook get his hook? At a second-hand store.
  4. 4
    Why couldn’t the kid go to the pirate movie? Because it was rated ARRRH!
  5. Because the captain was standing on the deck.
  6. 6
    What do you call a pirate with three eyes? A pi-i-irate.
  7. 7
    What’s a pirate’s favorite vegetable? An arrrrr-tichoke.
  8. 8
    What does a pirate’s dog say? Arrrrrr-f.
  9. 9
    What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school? Captain Hook-y.
  10. Arrrr-t.
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Section 3 of 8:

Pirate Jokes for Adults

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  1. Under his buccan hat.
  2. 2
    What do you call a pirate with both eyes and 2 legs? A rookie.
  3. 3
    What is a pirate’s favorite lobbying organization? A.A.R.P.
  4. 4
    How do pirates know they exist? They think therefore they arrrrrh.
  5. 5
    Where can you find a pirate who lost his wooden leg? Right where you left him.
  6. I-HOP.
  7. 7
    What’s a pirate’s favorite musical instrument? A guit-arrrrh.
  8. 8
    Why did the pirate put on a suit and tie? He had a cor-pirate meeting.
  9. 9
    What’s a pirate’s least favorite exercise? The plank.
  10. 10
    Why were the pirate’s eyes red? He had too much seaweed.
  11. He was getting too salty.
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Section 4 of 8:

Pirate Dad Jokes

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  1. It gave him the cold shoulder.
  2. 2
    What do you call a pirate obsessed with drinking seawater? An aqua-holic.
  3. 3
    What’s a pirate’s favorite fast-food restaurant? Arrrrrh-by’s.
  4. 4
    Where does a pirate part his car? In the parrrrrh-king lot.
  5. 5
    Why can’t pirates say the alphabet? Because they insist there are 7 seas.
  6. The kind that be rated ARRRRH.
  7. 7
    How much did the pirate pay for his peg leg and hook? An arm and a leg.
  8. 8
    What do you call a pirate mutiny? A conspira-sea.
  9. 9
    How did the pirate get such a good price on his ship? He bought it on sail.
  10. 10
    What do pirates wear in the winter? Long johns.
  11. 11
    What did the pirate wear on Halloween? A pumpkin patch.
  12. Pier pressure.
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Section 5 of 8:

Dirty Pirate Jokes

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  1. The captain's log.
  2. 2
    Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs? Because they already have all the booty.
  3. 3
    Why was the pirate movie rated R? Too much booty.
  4. Booty calls.
  5. 5
    Why did Captain Hook die? He had jock itch.
  6. 6
    How does a pirate tell his wench he’s in the mood? Drop yer sails and prepare to be boarded!
  7. 7
    Why do pirates make bad husbands? They’re always after someone else’s booty.
  8. A sunken chest and no booty.
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Section 6 of 8:

Punny Pirate Jokes

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  1. Aye matey!
  2. 2
    What did the sea say to the pirate? Nothing. It just waved.
  3. 3
    Why are they called pirates? Because they arrrrh!
  4. 4
    Why do pirates bury their treasure 18 inches under the ground? Because booty is only shin deep.
  5. He took an aye exam.
  6. 6
    Why did the pirate put a chicken on top of his treasure chest? Because eggs marks the spot.
  7. 7
    Why wouldn’t the pirate fight the octopus? It was too well-armed.
  8. 8
    Why can’t pirates fire their weapons on Saturdays? They only cannon Sundays.
  9. 9
    What’s a pirate’s favorite music genre? Arrrrrh & B.
  10. He got marooned.
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Section 7 of 8:

Short Pirate Jokes

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  1. Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
  2. 2
    How do you make a pirate mad? Take away the “p.”
  3. 3
    How do pirates like to communicate? Aye to aye.
  4. 4
    What kind of phone does a pirate have? An aye phone.
  5. 5
    Why are pirates so healthy? A high dose of vitamin sea.
  6. They get hooked.
  7. 7
    What do you call a selfish pirate? Extremely arrrrh-ogant.
  8. 8
    Why are pirates the best singers? They hit the high seas.
  9. 9
    Why did the pirate go on vacation? He needed a little arrrrh and arrrrh.
  10. 10
    Why are pirates able to live life to the fullest? They know how to seas the day.
  11. 11
    Why did the pirate’s ship sink? Because he couldn’t sea the problem.
  12. They said he didn’t have the guts.
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Section 8 of 8:

"A Pirate Walks into a Bar" Jokes

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  1. The barkeeper looks at him and says, “Where did you get that peg leg, hook hand, and eye patch? The pirate says, “T’was a run of bad luck, for certain. First, I fell overboard, and a shark bit off me leg. After I got me peg leg, I fell onto me bottle of rum and cut off me hand. Then, I looked up when I was walking on the deck, and a gull pooped in me eye.” The barkeeper says, “Gull poop took out your eye?” The pirate shakes his head. “T’was me first day with the hook.”
  2. 2
    A pirate walks into a bar with a big ship’s wheel down his pants. The bartender says, “Excuse me, sir. Do you know you have a ship’s wheel in your pants?” The pirate replies, “Aye, it’s drivin’ me nuts.”
  3. 3
    A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The barkeeper takes one look at him and says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate replies, “I’ve got a bounty on me head!”
  4. The barkeeper says, “You really shouldn’t bring that disgusting thing in here.” The pirate says, “He’s had his shots!” The barkeeper says, “I was talking to the parrot.”
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      Tips

      • Pause just before you deliver your joke’s punchline to give people a second to think. This makes the joke even funnier. [1]
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      • Don’t worry if people don’t laugh. Not everyone likes pirate jokes or maybe they’ve heard it before. It’s not necessarily a criticism of your joke-telling skills. [2]
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      • Tell the setup in your normal voice, but lean into the “pirate voice” for the punchline to give it more punch. Varying your tone and committing to the joke sells the humor to your audience. [3]
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/jun/19/how-tell-jokes-like-pro-leah-green
      2. ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/jun/19/how-tell-jokes-like-pro-leah-green
      3. ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/jun/19/how-tell-jokes-like-pro-leah-green

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