Q&A for How to End a Friendship with Your Best Friend

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  • Question
    I feel really bad about ending the friendship. How can I cope with ending a friendship?
    Lena Dicken, Psy.D
    Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Lena Dicken is a Clinical Psychologist based in Santa Monica, California. With over eight years of experience, Dr. Dicken specializes in therapy for anxiety, depression, life transitions, and relationship difficulties. She utilizes an integrative approach combining Psychodynamic, Cognitive Behavioral, and Mindfulness-based therapies. Dr. Dicken holds a BS in Integrative Medicine from the University of Hawaii at Manoa, an MA in Counseling Psychology from Argosy University Los Angeles, and a Doctor of Psychology (Psy.D) in Clinical Psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology at Westwood. Dr. Dicken’s work has been featured in GOOP, The Chalkboard Magazine, and in numerous other articles and podcasts. She is a licensed psychologist with the state of California.
    Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    Remind yourself that you're a different person than when you met your friend, and they're a different person, too. It wouldn't actually be beneficial for us to stay who we were for our whole lives. Rewrite the narrative of your friendship to focus on the positive memories, and accept that it's okay to move on now, because you've grown.
  • Question
    My best friend is friends with someone who slapped me and called me swear words. I've asked her to not be friends with the other person, but she still is. I'm scared of not being her friend because we have mutual friends. What do I do?
    Vo Ngoc Anh Thu
    Community Answer
    You have to think carefully before ending this friendship. And ask yourself about your life without your best friend one day. Happier? Or worse? You have to explain your feelings carefully and slowly. If you are not good at talking like that, you have to take note your feelings and the reasons behind them. Be wise and try everything to maintain your friendship as much as you can.
  • Question
    My friend is more like my twin, but she can be very defensive and I do not want to hurt her feelings. How can I break the bond?
    Community Answer
    She sounds like a tough friend. But she is there for you, so she sounds like a really good friend, too. To break a bond, you can't stretch the truth. You have to be very honest, but very sympathetic because she might not see it coming. You know what's right and how to do it. Be true to yourself and be concerned about her feelings and the future.
  • Question
    My friend sometimes lies to me or excludes me. I want to end our friendship, but I sit next to her in every single class at school. What can I do?
    Community Answer
    Express your concerns and let her know that you think it would be best if you two went your separate ways. Make sure it's clear that you don't hate her and there is no need to be mad, but that you don't like what she was doing. If you want to, give her a second chance now that she knows what she did wrong. After that, you can go to work asking teachers if you can switch seats.
  • Question
    One of my two very close friends makes fun of me behind my back. I want to break the friendship off, but she's in most of my classes and I can't just drift away. What should I do?
    TheDailyBay
    Community Answer
    Tell her she is upsetting you and ask her to stop. If she does not stop, be direct. Tell her, "I'm sorry, but this friendship is not working out. I'm sorry that we can't be friends anymore, but I wish you the best."
  • Question
    My friend keeps annoying and hurting me. I want to end our friendship, but I do not want to hurt her feelings. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Tell her you need a little space from her right now; or tell her what she is doing to annoy you, and maybe she will try to stop.
  • Question
    My best friend is still nice to me, but I feel like the friendship fading away. What is happening?
    Community Answer
    It is completely normal for girls to drift apart, especially when you are young. You and your friend are most likely changing as people. If you are really concerned, however, you can ask your friend if you did something wrong, or try to spend more time with her. Otherwise, you could let the friendship end naturally and peacefully; never force a friendship.
  • Question
    My 'friend' does nothing to maintain our friendship. I am the one talking, I am the one doing everything. She doesn't seem to realize that I'm done with the friendship. What do I say to her?
    Community Answer
    Tell her honestly you want to take a break from your friendship. If you want to end it permanently, tell her that's what you're thinking needs to happen and why. You could also completely stop making an effort yourself. Stop texting her, calling her and talking to her. If she's a caring friend she will in this way start initiating communication more, so you'll know she cares about your friendship. If she's doesn't, however, the friendship will just naturally end of itself.
  • Question
    I have a friend that is annoying and I don't want to be friends with him anymore. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Just be honest. Tell him that you don't want to be friends anymore and give him the reasons why.
  • Question
    I have a friend that is not getting that I do not want to be her friend anymore. She always tries to sit with me on the bus home from school. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Just tell her. Be open and honest. Otherwise the situation isn't fair to either one of you. If she's done something wrong, tell her that, but if she hasn't, just politely tell her you need some space from the friendship.
  • Question
    My friend starts drama for attention, she's clingy, gets mad when someone's being nice to me or for no reason, then acts like everything is fine the next day. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    Having friends like this can be very toxic, it's irritating and emotionally draining. You can tell her how you feel honestly, or you can just drop her. If you want to try to salvage the friendship, you might want to ask a guidance counselor or teacher at school for help. Oftentimes they're very good at helping with these types of conversations and resolving these issues.
  • Question
    I saw my friend in public and ignored her because I was in a bad mood. I apologized, but she said that she didn't care and acted like I wasn't important to her. Should I end our friendship?
    Community Answer
    Girls can be moody. If she is mad, try to make it right with her. Give her some time to calm down and try again. If she still doesn't respond favorably, then you may have to end the friendship. After all, you're allowed to have bad days, and she should be willing to accept a genuine apology for that.
  • Question
    We were friends for 8 years, but she never called me her BFF. When she had her 14th birthday party she didn't invite me. Now she never calls me. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    You have a few options. You can call her and ask her what's going on and try to find out if she wants to keep being friends or if something else is going on. You can just let her drift away, as it seems like that's what she's doing right now. Or you can tell her directly that you don't like the way she's been treating you and that you're ending the friendship. It depends on how you feel about the situation and whether or not you want to try to save the friendship.
  • Question
    I have a friend who is very rude to me completely. She gets jealous a lot and causes a lot of drama, she curses and is mean to others and I don’t want that type of friend. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    She's not friend material while she's behaving this badly. Tell her you've had enough of the drama and cursing and that you're off to find people who will be reliable, kind and thoughtful friends instead. She will likely make a drama out the falling out but so what, you'll be long gone. She'll find something else gripe about soon enough and you'll be free of it.
  • Question
    I have this "best friend" but she's clingy, and I tried drifting but she's oblivious. How do I end this fast and peacefully without looking like a horrible person?
    Community Answer
    You could try saying that you need space, but she is a great person. If she is oblivious, say something like "Please stop following me. I need space and don't like clingy people." Do this in private if you're worried about looking like a bad person.
  • Question
    My friend is really nice to me, but I think she is becoming friends with someone who talks about me behind my back and lies about me. I don't want to tell her that it is over. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Try talking to your friend about how your relationship with her new friend is difficult and dramatic. Explain how her new friend's constantly talking about you behind your back. If she really is your friend, then she'll understand how hard it is for you to deal with her new friend. Make a compromise stating that she can still hang out with this girl, as long as it doesn't get in the way of the two of you still being friends.
  • Question
    My new friend acts like she is helping me with my homework but she gets in the way, acts stupid and doesn't help at all. It's like she wants me to not get it done. Any advice?
    Community Answer
    Tell your new friend you don't want help with your homework anymore. If needed you can lie and say your teacher wants you to try it on your own. If she won't stop, just firmly say "I don't want any more help, okay? I want to do it on my own".
  • Question
    My best friend snitched on some of my other friends for vaping, and accused some when they didn't do it, and I don't want to be her friend anymore because of it. What should I do?
    Lucky K
    Community Answer
    First, have a talk with all of them. (You can talk privately with your best friend first if you want.) When you find out why your best friend falsely accused others, see if it is a good idea to keep being her friend. Talk out any misunderstandings between the whole group and see if anything could be changed/solved. If you truly don't want to be her friend anymore, take the direct approach. Tell your friend what you feel and that you have decided to end the friendship. Tell her you wish her the best regardless.
  • Question
    My best friend changed when we got to middle school. She would force me to do things I didn't want to do, like drinking and smoking. Do you think our friendship should end?
    Community Answer
    Yes, definitely. Anybody that tries to force you to do something you don't want to do is not a good friend. Tell them you're not comfortable with their behavior and you don't want to be friends anymore.
  • Question
    Both of my best friends are in relationships, and I feel that I am not that important to them anymore. I want a break from them. What should I do?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Hang in there! It hurts, sure, but it's also normal. They are now also lovers, in addition to friends to each other and to you, but they still have the same 24 hours in a day as before in which to do everything. Their love is new, fresh, exciting and they want to enjoy it. It's OK if they spend a little less time with you; let them have it and be happy for them. But assume they are still your friends (because they are), just take some time to let them enjoy things. Suggest a plan to hang out together in two weeks; that'll give them time to first enjoy their partners, then come hang out with you like old times. Don't drop them - there's no reason, and you'll all just be sad.
  • Question
    My best friends can sometimes be annoying, what should I do?
    Community Answer
    Talk to them and gently tell them ways they can improve. Make the conversation light and open, giving everyone a chance to speak and agree on actions that will benefit everyone involved.
  • Question
    I have a clingy friend, she likes to invade me and my friend's privacy. She gets defensive and will blame/insult me and my friends for leaving her. What should i do?
    Community Answer
    You should sit down with her in a private place and explain why you do not want to be her friend anymore. Be polite and do not argue, if things get heated, say a polite goodbye and leave.
  • Question
    My friend doesn't want me to hang out with my other friends and it annoys me. Is it a fair reason to end our friendship? If so, how I end it and avoid a falling out between our two families ?
    Community Answer
    Try talking to them first. Tell them they're being too possessive, and you have the right to hang out with your other friends whenever you want (don't be rude about it, but be firm). Tell her that if she can't accept this, you're going to have to take a break from this friendship. Also, tell your parents what's going on so that they're aware. Even if you decide you don't really want to be her friend anymore, you can still be polite to her if your two families are hanging out together.
  • Question
    How can I leave a friend who knows my secrets?
    Community Answer
    if you have told secrets to a friend before, that means you must have trusted him or her. If they have never told anyone your secrets when you were with them, they probably won't open your secrets when you are away.
  • Question
    I have 3 best friends. We used to hang out together, but lately they treat me like I'm invisible, and sometimes they shame me in front of people. I'm very sad. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    Tell them your feelings. Tell them that they're hurting you by ignoring you and shaming you in front of people, and that you need things to change if you're going to continue being friends with you. If they don't apologize and promise to change, tell them the friendship is over and find some new friends that are nicer.
  • Question
    When my best friends go to eat lunch, they always exclude me. I feel like they don't want me to be in their group. I'm starting to get anxious and it hurts. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Talk to them about this. Either get them together in a group or just approach whichever one you feel most comfortable talking to and ask why you're being excluded. Maybe there's a reasonable explanation, or maybe they're trying to end the friendship. Either way, at least you'll know what's going on. If they don't want to be your friend anymore, that will hurt, but you can find new friends.
  • Question
    I have a friend who tries to steal my life and friends and acts like bad stuff happened to her when I know it didn't. What do I do?
    Otterly Badgerific
    Top Answerer
    It seems that your friend is very insecure and feels unwanted or unloved, or maybe both. Is her family life not very fulfilling? Maybe she feels neglected, unattended to, or lonely. It could be that she perceives your life as the kind she wishes she could have, so she tries to emulate it, only she doesn't realize it seems like she's trying to "steal" your friends and activities you care about. And acting like bad stuff happens when it doesn't is a cry for attention. Try talking to her about what is motivating her behavior; let her know you care what happens to her, and you're there to listen (and help if you can) but you'd like her to stop trying to take over your life and friends.
  • Question
    Me and my best friend have been continually arguing these past 2 months. It always starts because she said something that I think is rude and she just says its her sarcasm. What do I do?
    Otterly Badgerific
    Top Answerer
    Ask her to see it from your point of view, and explain that her saying "it's just sarcasm" is being defensive and is a way of shutting down the conversation rather than being open to talking things through. Try to explain the reasons why specific things she says are rude, as giving examples plus reasons can be more effective than general statements. Ask her how she'd feel being on the receiving end of such comments, to get her to really think about it. And suggest that around you, at least, she tries a different approach in future. If it doesn't stop and you can't bear it, you might need to consider spending less time around her until she overcomes this bad new habit.
  • Question
    My friend is growing more and more distant, like she hangs out with others and when I'm alone, she never comes to me and asks what's wrong/comfort me. Help?
    Gia
    Community Answer
    Try asking her "Why are you avoiding me all of the the time and you barely spend time with me?". If they keep avoiding you or even talking to you, just try to give her space first and try to get your friend to have a conversation with you after giving her space for a while.
  • Question
    Is it okay to end a friendship over text?
    Drew Hawkins1
    Community Answer
    It depends on the situation and how close you are to them. If they really, really hurt you and you don't want to see them again, even to tell them that you're done being their friend, then a text could work. For instance, you could say something like, "Hey, look I'm really angry and I don't want to make a big thing of it. But I want you to know that I'm done being your friend." If you've drifted apart from an old friend, a text isn't a super appropriate way to end a friendship, especially if you were once really close. Try meeting up at a coffee shop or a park and talking about why you don't want to be friends with them anymore. Then, you can end it on a relatively positive note by saying something like, "We did have some good times, and I wish you good luck."
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