Q&A for How to Plan a Memorial Service

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  • Question
    What happens at a memorial service?
    David I. Jacobson
    Funeral Home Director
    David I. Jacobson is the founder of Chicago Jewish Funerals, an independent Jewish owned funeral provider that evolved into two funeral homes in the Chicagoland area. With over 30 years of experience serving families, David is a leading expert on Kavod Hamet, the Jewish traditions of honoring and respecting the dead. David is an active funeral director that serves people planning and in need of funerals, lecturing to congregations, community groups, and schools extensively about the values of the Jewish funeral as well as the dying process and the value of one’s legacy. 
    Funeral Home Director
    Expert Answer
    Talk to a professional funeral director for help in understanding what needs to be done. This can help you better design how to delegate tasks, as well. If you'll be playing music or sharing photos and video, make sure there is a sound system and video capabilities.
  • Question
    What do you do at a memorial service?
    David I. Jacobson
    Funeral Home Director
    David I. Jacobson is the founder of Chicago Jewish Funerals, an independent Jewish owned funeral provider that evolved into two funeral homes in the Chicagoland area. With over 30 years of experience serving families, David is a leading expert on Kavod Hamet, the Jewish traditions of honoring and respecting the dead. David is an active funeral director that serves people planning and in need of funerals, lecturing to congregations, community groups, and schools extensively about the values of the Jewish funeral as well as the dying process and the value of one’s legacy. 
    Funeral Home Director
    Expert Answer
    A memorial service is a service without the body present. That can be helpful if your loved one was buried somewhere else, but you'd still like to gather friends and family together to remember their life. Right now, during COVID, a lot of people are having to plan simple burials, then they're planning memorial services later on when it's safe to get together again.
  • Question
    How to cancel a memorial service?
    Community Answer
    If for some reason the memorial must be cancelled, contact the newspaper agency and ask them to remove your ads and replace them with cancellation information. Then contact the attendees and inform them of the cancellation. To help you save time and reach more people, ask others to inform their own family members and friend circles on your behalf. In the case of not reaching someone, it could be useful to leave a sign at the place of the memorial stating that the service has been cancelled, and when it has been rescheduled for (if relevant).
  • Question
    What if you are a child?
    Community Answer
    If you are a child, the same guidance as provided in this article applies. You can help honour the deceased's memory in whatever way you wish to and you can also make a speech. You will need to speak to the adults doing the planning though, to let them know what you'd like to do or have included.
  • Question
    What if someone dies at the service?
    Community Answer
    If someone suddenly passes away at the memorial service, contact the emergency number of the country you are in and alert them of the passing. They will come, investigate the death and remove the body. After this, the memorial service will continue like nothing happened and the officiant may step in to reassure everyone.
  • Question
    What about food and drink for the memorial service?
    Community Answer
    Try to find out what food the deceased liked and serve that at the service, it is a great way to honor their memory, keeping with the event's theme. Other than that, standard fare includes finger food, small sandwiches, some sweet baked items and simple fare.
  • Question
    What colors should I wear at a memorial?
    Community Answer
    Black, grey, navy blue and dark red are the usually funeral colors. However, the deceased may have requested a different color be worn. If so, be respectful and follow their wishes.
  • Question
    If the person requested not to have anything done in their memory, should I have a memorial?
    FrostyGayle
    Community Answer
    A small, private gathering, not in a funeral home, is appropriate with loved ones. However, you shouldn't hold any kind of service if the deceased didn't want one.
  • Question
    I'm a kid. How can I help my mom with this?
    Flutasmoradas
    Community Answer
    It depends on your age and your relationship with the person who recently passed away. I think the best thing to do is to try and make things easier for her. Maybe do the dishes or the laundry, the small things that take everyday stress off her back, because she has a lot more stress now helping plan a memorial service.
  • Question
    What will happen if someone curses during a speech at the memorial?
    Community Answer
    It would be hoped that they would have the good manners to immediately apologize for the sake of the deceased. If they curse repeatedly with no remorse, then they should be removed from the service out of respect for the deceased. There may be exceptions, such as a person with Tourette's Syndrome, in which case friends and family would be well aware of the issue and simply ignore it.
  • Question
    Should I bring a handbag to my late cousin's memorial?
    Community Answer
    Yes, if it is dark in color. A bright pink fluffy handbag might not be the best choice for a memorial.
  • Question
    How long should a memorial service be?
    Flutasmoradas
    Community Answer
    Memorial services don't have to last a specific length of time. It depends on the family and who wants to speak.
  • Question
    Should I put out envelopes for money contributions at an outside memorial?
    Flutasmoradas
    Community Answer
    I wouldn't recommend putting them out for an outside memorial because they could blow away. Instead, you could have a basket somewhere for donations.
  • Question
    Is a picture necessary? What about flowers? The relationship was not good.
    Flutasmoradas
    Community Answer
    Pictures and flowers are not necessary. Some people send them to the deceased's family just to show that they feel their grief and as a small form of comfort, but it's by no means obligatory.
  • Question
    What if it's been 50 years since the deceased was killed in war?
    Flutasmoradas
    Community Answer
    That is perfectly fine. You could have a memorial service on their birthday, if you wish. Or, if you want, just make it a family and close friends' gathering to remember them.
  • Question
    Should I play music at a cremation memorial service?
    Community Answer
    You can if you want to, or if the person had specifically requested that music be played at their memorial service.
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