Q&A for How to Repel Your Unwanted Crushes

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How do I act when I know someone likes me but I don't like them?

Erika Kaplan
Matchmaker
Erika Kaplan is a Dating Coach and Matchmaker for Three Day Rule, an exclusive matchmaking company across nine cities in the United States. With over six years of experience, Erika specializes in helping singles find quality matches through date coaching and premium matchmaking services. Erika graduated from Penn State with a Bachelor’s degree in Public Relations. She worked for Rolling Stone, Us Weekly, and Men’s Journal before leaving publishing to pursue her passion for connecting people. Erika has been featured on Lifetime, the Philadelphia Inquirer, and CBS as well as in Thrillist, Elite Daily, Men’s Health, Fast Company, and Refinery29.

Erika Kaplan

Matchmaker

Expert Answer

There's a way to be subtle without hurting their feelings. Make sure you're not sending mixed messages by holding their hand, touching them on the shoulder, or anything like that. If need be, you can make it more clear by saying things like, "I'm so happy to have you as a friend in my life." If they don't respect your boundaries, however, you may need to be more direct.

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Question

What if they kiss me when they tell me their feelings?

Karley Snyder

Community Answer

If you aren't interested in them and they kiss you, immediately pull back and say stop. Explain that this is inappropriate, and tell them that you are not interested in them. This could be considered sexual harassment, as the kiss was not something you expected or desired.

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Question

What do I do if my friend is helplessly in love with me but I like someone else instead?

Karley Snyder

Community Answer

Know that it's okay if you don't like your friend. You can't force who you like and dislike. However, consider if you are flirty or if you are leading on your friend at all, and be sure not to do this. Keep your interactions friendly. If you want to clear the air, bring it up with them. Say something like, "I know you really like me. I'm sorry, but I like someone else instead. It's nothing personal."

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Question

What if your unwanted crush is in a relationship?

Karley Snyder

Community Answer

If your unwanted crush is flirting with you but committed to someone else, recognize that they likely won't be a faithful partner at all. You can say something like, "Don't you have a relationship?" and see if that gets them to back off.

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Question

If my best friend has a crush on me and I don't want to be friends with them, can I have my friends confront them if I am too shy?

Karley Snyder

Community Answer

While your friends can help you with this, it is best to tell your friend how you truly feel yourself. Who knows, by telling them how you feel, they may get the hint and just want to be your friend. This way, you can be honest and open with each other. However, if your mind is made up and you don't want to be friends with them, that's okay too.

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Question

What do I do if I am afraid my unwanted crush will hurt me if I reject them?

Karley Snyder

Community Answer

This is a serious concern and you should seek help from a teacher, adult, boss, HR department, parent, and/or the police. Do not spend time alone with this person, and get help ASAP.

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Question

What do I do if I can't tell if I like someone but they ask me out?

Karley Snyder

Community Answer

It's okay to not know how you feel. Consider the pros and cons of going out with them. Does it hurt to spend some time to get to know each other better? It could be worth a shot to go for it and see what happens. Maybe after you go out you really start to like them! Ponder your true feelings and then make a decision.

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What if I think I like the person crushing on me but we don't see each other often?

Karley Snyder

Community Answer

If you think you may like this person, consider going out with them once to get to know each other better.

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Question

What do I do if I am a lesbian and I know that a male likes me?

Karley Snyder

Community Answer

How you handle the situation partly depends on who the person is. If you are close enough to them that you are comfortable mentioning your sexuality, you can simply say, "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in men." Or, if you don't want to share much personal information, simply tell him that you are not interested.

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