What Does "Stem Girl" Mean in the Queer Community?

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Learn the meanings and nuances of different lesbian identities
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Butch, femme, futch, soft butch. If you identify as a lesbian, there are lots of words you can use to get more specific about your identity, and “stem” is one of the most recent. It’s a word for Black or Latina lesbians who show a mix of masculine and feminine qualities, and has recently picked up steam on social media like TikTok. We’ll tell you more about what it means, its history, how it differs from similar and related terms, and how to decide if you’re a stem girl, yourself.

What does “stem girl” mean?

A “stem girl” is a Black or Latina lesbian with both masculine and feminine qualities or traits. The word is a combination of the queer slang words “stud,” which describes masculine Black lesbians, and “femme,” which describes a feminine queer person.

Section 1 of 6:

Stem Girl Meaning

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  1. This word is reserved for Black and Latina lesbians, and is a combination of 2 other queer terms: stud + femme. A lesbian who calls themself a “stem” has both masculine and feminine qualities in their gender expression—For example, they might wear lots of feminine makeup but dress in masculine clothing, have traditionally masculine interests, or take a more masculine role in relationships. [1]
    • Stem lesbians often use the pronouns she/her , but may use other pronouns like she/him .
    • Stems don’t currently have an official flag, but they may feel represented by the futch horizon flag, which is used by lesbians who identify as both “femme” and “butch.”
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Section 2 of 6:

History of “Stem”

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  1. “Stud” became a popular term among Black lesbians in the 1960s, at the height of the civil rights movement, and is similar to the term “butch.” [2] “Butch” is a term for masculine lesbians, and has been used since the 1940s. [3] “Stem” has recently become popular on social media, especially TikTok, as a way for users to describe their identity as both masculine and feminine.
    • “Femme,” the other half of “stem,” has also been in use since the 1940s, and describes a lesbian who’s more traditionally feminine.
Section 3 of 6:

Difference Between Stem and Other Identities

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  1. A stud is a masculine Black lesbian. “Masculine” typically means they dress in menswear and adopt traditionally masculine behaviors and roles in relationships. As a term, it’s been around since at least the 60s. [4]
    • While many Black masculine lesbians use the term “stud,” not all of them do, and some prefer the term “butch,” if they use these sorts of terms at all.
    • Latina lesbians also sometimes use the term “stud,” but otherwise the term refers exclusively to Black lesbians.
  2. “Femme” describes any lesbian (or queer person) who behaves or dresses in a more traditionally feminine way, regardless of race. It’s often used in contrast to “butch,” and has been around since at least the 1940s. [5]
  3. “ Butch ” is a word for any lesbian who identifies as, acts, or dresses in traditionally masculine ways. Unlike “stud,” it’s used by lesbians of any race or ethnicity, and has been used since at least the 1940s. [6]
  4. This is short for “femme butch,” and is used by any lesbian who identifies as any mix of feminine and masculine qualities. [7] Unlike “stem,” which refers to Black lesbians, “futch” is used by lesbians of any race or ethnicity.
  5. Similar to “futch,” a soft butch is any lesbian who identifies as a mix of masculine and feminine. Often, though, they identify as more masculine, or butch, accented by smaller feminine qualities, like minor aesthetic choices.
    • Soft butches are also sometimes called “Chapstick femmes.”
  6. A stone femme, stone butch, or any other “stone” identity refers to a lesbian who doesn’t like to be touched, or often even to take their clothes off, during sex, and who prefers to be a more active sexual partner. [8]
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Section 4 of 6:

Am I a stem girl?

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  1. The only “requirements” for calling yourself “stem” are that you’re Black or Latina, are a lesbian , and like to play fast and loose with gender roles and presentation. Labels are just labels, and you’ll always be more than just a slang word, but it’s a handy way to describe your identity to yourself and others.
    • “Stem” and “stud are terms reserved for Black and Latina lesbians partly because stems and studs draw lots of inspiration from specifically Black, and sometimes Latino, men.
    • It’s a little awkward for a white lesbian to call themselves “stud” or “stem,” since these terms draw so heavily from Black and Latino culture.
Section 5 of 6:

Expressing Yourself as a Stem Girl

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  1. As a stem girl, you might dress masculine but prefer to be courted like a more feminine woman. Or, you might dress feminine but pursue other lesbians like a more masculine woman. There’s no right or wrong way to be stem—it’s a very personal word that means different things to different people! [9]
    • Instead of thinking about stem as a box that you check, think about it more like a word that generically describes you, but doesn’t limit you to any rigid behaviors or aesthetics.
  2. You might have a full face of makeup with bright red lipstick and flashy eyeshadow, then wear a flannel and jeans to stem it up. Or, you might combine a cute dress with a close-cropped haircut to go femme in the clothing department but masc in the hair department. The possibilities truly are endless, and there are no rules, so have fun!
  3. One day, you might leave the house and feel a little masculine bravado . Another day, you might choose to be more “feminine” and fancy. In relationships, you might take a more butch role and pursue your partner, or you might encourage your partner to pursue you if you’re feeling femme. Gender roles and presentation are always in flux, so play around!
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Section 6 of 6:

Supporting Stem Girls

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  1. Many people who identify as lesbian use their own preferred pronouns. For example, many butches go be “he,” while many femmes stick to “she.” This varies by person, so if a stem girl tells you their pronouns, be sure to stick to them. [10]
    • If they use multiple pronouns, like “she/him,” make sure to mix it up and use both. Sticking to just one can make it seem like you don’t acknowledge or accept the other half of their identity.
  2. Stem lesbians are often very visible in public, and they do good work making other people familiar and comfortable with all sorts of queer aesthetics. If you know or meet a stem girl, compliment their wardrobe or appearance to let them know you appreciate the effort they take to live the life they choose.
    • For example, you might say, “I love your eyeliner today,” or, “That’s a handsome suit you’re wearing.”
  3. Lots of people, even many queer people, don’t quite understand many things about lesbian identity. Now that you’re informed, stand up for stem girls and educate others about gender expression whenever the opportunity arises. Be patient and understanding, but make it clear that stem girls are just like anyone else.
  4. Some stem girls make their gender expression clear and visible, while others keep it on the down low. Some identify as more femme than butch, while others more butch than femme. There’s no right or wrong way to be a stem lesbian, so keep an open mind and be respectfully curious about people’s identities. [11]
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      • “STEM girl” is sometimes used as a fun way for women in STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math) to identify themselves, but it’s unrelated to “stem” in a queer context.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.thepinknews.com/2024/02/11/lesbian-slang-stud-and-stem/
      2. ↑ https://www.thepinknews.com/2024/02/11/lesbian-slang-stud-and-stem/
      3. ↑ https://www.them.us/story/inqueery-butch
      4. ↑ https://www.thepinknews.com/2024/02/11/lesbian-slang-stud-and-stem/
      5. ↑ https://www.them.us/story/inqueery-butch
      6. ↑ https://www.them.us/story/inqueery-butch
      7. ↑ https://www.them.us/story/what-does-butch-mean
      8. ↑ https://www.mic.com/identity/touch-me-not-queer-tiktok
      9. ↑ https://www.thepinknews.com/2024/02/11/lesbian-slang-stud-and-stem/
      1. ↑ https://pronouns.org/what-and-why
      2. ↑ https://pflag.org/resource/parents-comingout/

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