Why Do I Cry When I Share My Feelings?

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Explore the science of crying and how it helps you process emotions
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It’s your party, and you’ll cry if you want to…and sometimes even if you don’t! Crying whenever you talk about your feelings isn’t uncommon—it can happen for a number of reasons, and it’s usually nothing to worry about. In fact, it’s often healthy! Keep reading to learn about the science behind crying: why we do it, how you can learn to manage your emotions, and what’s really happening in our bodies when we shed a tear.

Things You Should Know

  • You might cry when you talk about your emotions because you’re feeling vulnerable and raw—especially if you were discouraged from showing emotion as a child.
  • It’s also just cathartic to shed tears sometimes. If you’ve been holding back your emotions, crying can be a healthy release.
  • You can promote good mental health by practicing self-care, working to manage your stress, and maybe by seeing a therapist.
Section 1 of 3:

Reasons You Might Cry When Talking about Your Feelings

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  1. Sharing emotions is tough stuff. It can leave you feeling raw, exposed, and insecure, all of which may make you more prone to crying. And it makes sense that sharing your emotions would feel risky: you may worry about not being understood or accepted by the person you're speaking to. By opening up to someone, you're opening yourself up to the possibility of rejection. [1]
    • You may feel more vulnerable if you're discussing your feelings in an unfamiliar or public space. Talking through your feelings in your house or somewhere else you feel safe may make you less prone to crying.
  2. If you grew up in an environment where discussing your feelings was discouraged, you may have internalized that you shouldn’t share your emotions as an adult. Babies are born without the ability to regulate their emotions, but a household in which certain emotions were discouraged may have taught you from a young age that you need to bottle up your feelings. When you do share your feelings, it may feel extra vulnerable and possibly dangerous. [2]
    • Maybe your caregivers ignored you, berated you, or ridiculed you for showing emotion or crying. It's possible they were unsure how to handle emotions themselves, and may have been also been conditioned to view emotional expression as "bad."
    • You may feel especially stressed if the emotions you’re sharing are confrontational: if you’re not used to telling someone how you feel when it’s not something they want to hear, it may take practice to express yourself without crying.
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  3. Crying is an effective way to release pent-up emotions, but it's also a physiological response to stress. Talking about your feelings can raise your heartrate and anxiety levels, which causes your body to produce certain hormones, such as cortisol, which can cause emotional distress and discomfort. Crying is the body's way of reducing cortisol levels and replacing them with endorphins, which promote relaxation and peace—which is why crying can feel so good sometimes. [3]
    • If you’re voicing your emotions to someone who isn’t safe or whom you don’t trust, crying could be your body’s response to that feeling of insecurity.
  4. Many of us were conditioned to believe it was bad to cry or discuss emotions (especially boys), but it can actually be very healing! If you cry when you express your emotions, it could just be a cathartic release. [4]
    • Crying is often how we connect to deeper emotions like sadness, so it makes sense that many of us try to avoid it! However, it’s by connecting with and addressing those deeper emotions that we can work through them. [5]
    • You may have some built-up emotions you’ve been trying to ignore, and voicing them aloud makes it hard to pretend they’re not there. You may not even realize how stressed you are until you begin talking about it.
  5. Sometimes crying is a result of an unaddressed mental health issue like depression or anxiety. [6] If you find that you cry a lot or that even “minor” events leave you feeling overwhelmed or tearful, it may be worth it to speak to a therapist about what’s going on.
    • These underlying concerns could be chronic or temporary: for instance, if you’re going through a particularly difficult time, you may deal with depression that presents as difficulty regulating your emotions.
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Section 2 of 3:

How to Prioritize Your Mental Health

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  1. Staying well-fed, well-rested, hydrated, and physically active will elevate your mood. [7] Does this mean you won’t ever cry? No—nor should it! Crying is a natural part of human expression and it can be healthy for many people. However, if you’re crying regularly due to stress or poor mental health, practicing self-care can help you feel more grounded and regulate your emotions.
    • Try to get 7-9 hours of uninterrupted sleep each night. Being well-rested and alert can boost your energy and mental health. [8]
    • Enjoy a diet rich in whole grains, lean proteins, and plenty of fruits and vegetables.
  2. If stress is behind your tears, taking steps to curb that stress could leave you feeling more in control of your emotions and less prone to tearing up. Practicing self-care can help you stay grounded, but there are plenty of “hacks” to help you destress in the moment when it arises:
    • Identify your triggers. Nobody can avoid stress entirely, but if you’re feeling continually on edge, it may be worth reflecting on potential causes that you can address and perhaps eliminate.
      • For example, if visiting your parents causes you regular stress, consider reducing your time spent together—maybe make a point to always leave an hour sooner than you think you should.
    • Manage stress in the moment by taking deep breaths . Try the 3-7-8 breathing method: breathe in through your nose for 3 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, and breathe out through your mouth for 8 seconds. Do this until you feel better.
    • Take a break from social media or the news. While they can be beneficial in small doses, cutting back on your usage may help eliminate some stress and anxiety.
  3. Being social with others can boost your mood by making you feel more connected and loved as well as by distracting you from potential stressors. Make a point to spend time with friends regularly. [9]
    • For some people, “regularly” might mean hanging out 3 or more times a week, while others may feel satisfied with biweekly hangouts and weekly phone calls—do what feels fulfilling to you.
  4. When our boundaries are undefined—or when they’re defined but disrespected—our mental health can take a hit. Think about any areas in your life where you feel you may need to initiate firmer boundaries , whether it’s with certain friends or family members, work, or a romantic partner.
    • If work is causing you unnecessary stress, consider setting boundaries with your boss: “Laura, I really like working here, but I need to draw a line between my work life and personal life. I won’t be checking my email or taking calls after 5 p.m.” [10]
    • If you’re dealing with a friend or family member who consistently crosses your boundaries, gently but firmly let them know what you expect from them and that you won’t tolerate them pushing your limits: “Mom, I love you, but I need you to stop critiquing my parenting skills. The next time you do, I’m just going to walk away.”
  5. Carve out regular time to do the things that give your life purpose. Whether it’s volunteering in your local community or dedicating time to your personal hobbies, we all need to engage in meaningful activities to feel purposeful and at peace.
    • Getting involved in volunteer activities can boost your spirits because it helps you feel like you’re making a difference—and you are! [11]
    • Putting effort into something you value—like art or a particular sport—can help you feel accomplished, as well as give you time to “zen” out and relax.
  6. Nobody can do this life alone. Sometimes that means you can rely on friends and family for emotional support, and sometimes you need a little extra help—that’s OK! A licensed therapist can help you navigate complex emotions and unpack them with you. [12]
    • In some cases, you may benefit from medication. Speak to your therapist or a psychiatrist about what medication may be right for you.
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Section 3 of 3:

Why do we cry?

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  1. Tears are formed by the lacrimal glands. When we experience big emotions, like sadness or rage, our autonomic nervous system triggers our lacrimal glands, causing us to cry. Emotional tears contain stress hormones, which act as painkillers—this may be our body’s way of trying to make us feel better. [13]
    • We often cry from strong emotions, but not exclusively—there are actually 3 types of tears: emotional , reflexive —the tears you get from chopping an onion or getting something in your eye—and basal —which are in your eyes at all times to lubricate and protect them. [14]


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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-well-when-your-body-doesnt-cooperate/202305/embracing-vulnerability
      2. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1513625/
      3. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4035568/
      4. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4934120/
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/culture-shrink/202003/when-crying-is-good-you
      6. ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17437260/
      7. ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/boosting-your-mood
      8. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6456824/
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hope-relationships/202107/6-strategies-managing-stress
      1. ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/healthy-workplaces/work-stress
      2. ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/boosting-your-mood
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/therapy/the-decision-to-begin-therapy
      4. ↑ https://www.aao.org/eye-health/tips-prevention/all-about-emotional-tears
      5. ↑ https://www.aao.org/eye-health/tips-prevention/facts-about-tears

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