How to Be a Great Auntie

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   Listen to them. Sometimes parents are too busy to listen to their children, especially if they have multiple children and busy careers. In situations such as these, as an auntie you can give more time to all the stories and news that your nieces and nephews want to share. In this way, you are almost acting as a supplemental parent by offering your niece or nephew your attention when they need it.

   • Practice active listening with your nieces and nephews. Listen to closely to what they are saying to you, and then repeat it back to them in their own words to make sure that you understood what they told you. Now, your niece or nephew will either confirm that you understood what they said, or they will correct you and explain what they meant. This helps to avoid misunderstandings.
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   Act as a role model. In addition to listening to your niece or nephew, you can offer them advice, teach them how to do things, and set a good example for them. This will allow you to help mold your niece or nephew’s behaviors through your own example or counsel. For example, you might offer advice on how your niece or nephew should treat their siblings or how they should maintain a relationship with their parents. Or you might offer relationship advice or counsel your niece or nephew on school or career paths as they get older.

   • If you do not believe that you would be a good role model for your nieces and nephews, ask yourself why not. Is this something that you can change about yourself? If so, consider making the change. If not, consider the impact this will have on the children. Ask yourself if this is something that you could hide from your nieces and nephews, if you cannot change it. If so, consider hiding it.
   • For example, perhaps you are a young adult and you like to drink alcohol with your friends in the evening. You know that drinking alcohol in excess in front of your nieces and nephews could have a lasting negative impact upon them and that it wouldn’t make you a good role model. You might decide to stop drinking so much in order to be a better role model for the children. Or you might decide to continue drinking with your friends, but choose to remain sober when you are around your nieces and nephews. If you feel like you need to get drunk around your nieces and nephews, return them to their parents immediately. Getting drunk in front of them is irresponsible, and sets a bad example for them.
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   Be available to your niece and nephew
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. Babysit your nieces and nephews when they are young. As they get older, let them know that they can drop by to see you whenever they wish. Take them on outings with you or arrange scheduled visits with them. ^[1] The more time that you spend together, the stronger your bond will become. You will also show them that you are dependable and that they can trust you by making time for them.

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   Spend time cultivating your relationship with them through phone calls, text messages, and emails. ^[2] This is especially important if you can't visit with your niece or nephew or if you live far away. By incorporating mediated communication into your relationship with your niece or nephew, you are teaching them that you are always available to them and that you can be reached in a multitude of ways.
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   Share stories with your nieces and nephews. If you know that your niece or nephew is going through something that you experienced as a child, share the story of your experience with your niece or nephew. ^[3] Children like hearing stories, especially when they are relatable or if they contain stories that include people they know such as their parents, grandparents, or other aunts and uncles. These stories inform your nieces and nephews of their family history, while also letting them know that they are not alone in their experiences.
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   Remain on good terms with your siblings. Your brother or sister is likely the parent of your nieces and nephews, and you want to make sure that you don’t go against their wishes when you are spending time with your nieces and nephews. Your relationship with your nieces and nephews depends upon the strength of your relationship with their parents. The closer you are with their parents, the more likely that you will be close with your nieces and nephews.

   • As an aunt, you also want to make sure that you back up your siblings in the values, lessons, and rules that they are imposing upon their children. Respecting your siblings, shows your nieces and nephews that they should respect their parents and the family unit as a whole.
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