How to Be a Successful Muslim Wife

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To be a successful Muslim wife, show your spouse love, respect, and affection, and ask that they treat you similarly. Share responsibility for your daily life and enjoy one another's company. Together you can strengthen each other's faith and live a pious and loving life in the service of Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa.

Part 1
Part 1 of 3:

Investing in Your Relationship

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  1. Build trust by sharing your thoughts and feelings freely with them. Ask the same of them. Your relationship will grow in strength and health if you are honest with one another. [1]
    • Communicate your expectations with your spouse. Tell them what you need from them, and ask them to tell you the same.
    • Understand that men and women have been created to be different, physically and emotionally. Each has a distinct role within a Muslim marriage but both should be mindful of Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa and remain focused on the Afterlife.
    • Study the Qur'an and Sunnah to better understand your and your spouse's rights and responsibilities under the Shariah to each other and to Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa.
  2. You don't both have to do all the same tasks, but make sure that you both take on the responsibility of making your home a clean and pleasant place. [2] The Prophet ﷺ used to help with chores and all Muslim husbands should follow his example. [3]
    • Some partners may need to be reminded to help around the house. If your spouse does not notice when things are messy, consider asking them to be in charge of particular chores.
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  3. Get out and enjoy life in the service of Allah Subhaha wa Ta'alaa! A good friendship makes for a happy marriage. Share what you like doing with your spouse, and explore what he enjoys as well. Find things you both like, and make regular dates to do those activities. [4]
    • Try new things together. You probably both have games, trips, sports or adventures you've wanted to do but haven't yet done.
    • Take turns leading expeditions and organizing new activities. Try to prioritize Sunnah activities like horse riding and archery over activities that have no Islamic benefit.
    • Have fun at home. If you have kids, play with them and read the Qur'an and stories of the Prophets of Islam together. Think up new ways to entertain them with your spouse.
    • Teach your kids about Islam. Help them to understand that developing their relationship with Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa is the key to success in this life and the next. Teach them to pray, study the Qur'an and practice the religion.
  4. All couples occasionally have disagreements. Try not to let them escalate into yelling or name-calling as this is unIslamic. Take deep breaths, stay calm, and use "I" statements when you are in an argument. [5]
    • For instance, if you are angry, say "I feel upset that…" instead of saying "You're mean and you make me angry!"
    • The Prophet ﷺ said to his wife Hazrat Ayesha, "Show gentleness, for if gentleness is found in anything, it beautifies it and when it is taken out from anything it damages it.” [6]
    • Break rising tension by reminding yourself (and your spouse) to avoid the influence of the Shaytan. Say something like, "Love, let's not give in to the Shaytan. Can we discuss this when we are both calm?"
    • Pick your battles. Not everything that annoys you is worth a confrontation.
  5. Discuss children . Develop a shared understanding with your partner about the desired size of your family and how they will be raised. Procreation is strongly encouraged in order to help build the Muslim population and spread Islam, but if you do not want children, you are not obliged by Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala to have them. [7]
    • When you decide your are ready to have children, discuss with your spouse how best to raise your children in the love and service of Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa.
    • Remember that Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa has entrusted the raising of future generation of Muslims with us, so we will be asked about it on the Day of Judgement and it will play a major part in determining our destiny in the Afterlife.
    • One of the most important decisions is how your children will received their Islamic education. Madrassa after secular school, full-time Islamic school and homeschooling are all good options.
    • Whichever way, make sure that they are brought up in a Shariah-compliant home, practice what they learn from the Qur'an and learn to focus on the Afterlife.
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Part 2
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Showing Your Love

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  1. Show your affection . Everyone needs tenderness from others. Express your affection to your spouse in the ways that come naturally to you. Find out what your loved one responds to, and show them love in this way. [8]
    • If your spouse likes physical affection, kiss and hug them when you greet them.
    • If they like to be told that you love them, tell them freely. If your spouse responds to compliments, look for something to compliment them about every day.
    • Some spouses love gifts. Arrange treats that are special to them.
  2. Show your gratitude for everything good they do for you. Express your pleasure in their company. When they accomplish something they are proud of, congratulate them and tell him that he made you proud too. Affirm their feelings. [9]
    • Leave them love notes and thank-you notes, but remember that all blessings come from Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa, so say "Alhamdulillah" when you see something that makes you feel grateful.
    • Consider other ways of showing appreciation, such as helping them out with a task they are stuck on or offering to make dua for Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa to help them.
  3. Islam strictly forbids all sexual activity outside marriage but strongly encourages lawful spouses to invest in a mutually satisfying physical relationship. Explore your desires with your spouse, and encourage them to be open with you about what they enjoy. [10]
    • Lovemaking should be undertaken with three intentions in mind—to avoid Allah's punishment for zina (adultery), to protect from the gaze of strangers and to procreate future generations of pious young Muslims to serve Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa.
    • With these three intentions in mind, making love is not only an act of enjoyment but an act of worship (ibadah) that pleases Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa and will even help strengthen your faith (emaan).
    • Flirt and enjoy foreplay, as Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa encourages you to do.
    • Establish consent with your partner. You may speak while you share intimate moments, although excessive talk during lovemaking should be avoided.
    • Ask for permission before initiating something new. Say what you enjoy, and ask your spouse to stop if they are doing something you don't like or is forbidden in the Shariah. Mutual satisfaction and always seeking the pleasure of Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa are essential.
    • At the time of commencing intercourse both parties should recite "Bismillaah, Allahuma jannabnash shayTaana wa jannabish shayTaana maa razaqtanaa" - In the name of Allah, O Allah! Save us from the Shaytaan and prevent Shaytaan from that which you grant us (i.e. children).
    • Your will be blessed if during intercourse you remain mindful of Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa in your heart, though it is makrooh (disliked) to make dhikr out loud at this time.
    • At the time of ejaculation, you may say in your mind (but not out loud) "Allaahumma laa taj,’Al lish shayTaani feemaa razaqtanee naSeebaa" - O Allah! Do not grant Shaytaan any share of that which you have granted me". These duas are important as God-willing they will help protect any progeny from harm.
    • Both parties must perform ghusl (major ritual bath) janabat as soon as possible after intercourse and certainly before salah or reading the Qur'an.
    • You may make dhikr (except reading Qur'an) in the intervening time before performing Ghusl and may wish to take the opportunity to make dua together to thank Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa for the gift of intimacy and to ask for pregnancy.
  4. While sexual intimacy is encouraged between spouses, there are some activities and times when penetrative sex is forbidden by the Qur'an. [11]
    • During Ramadan, abstain from sexual intimacy except at night between iftar and suhoor. Make sure you are rested and well-fed enough to enjoy the exertion! Remember that the reward for every good deed, including intimacy, is multiplied by 70 during Ramadan so be sure to take advantage of this.
    • The Shariah prohibits intercourse during menstruation. However, cuddling, kissing, and caressing your spouse to stimulate the emission of madiy are perfectly fine. They will always appreciate your touch, affection and understanding, but they must not attempt intercourse and you must not allow them.
    • If your spouse is away for an extended period, for example on a dawah (outreach) program, then maintain your chastity and seek Allah's reward by busying your mind reading and reciting the Qur'an, praying and fasting. Regular fasting is one of the best ways of developing self-control over the base desires.
    • Remember that Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa is always watching so always be on guard to protect yourself from temptation by being mindful through setting yourself daily dhikr targets, for example 1000 Salawat, 1000 Istighfar, 1000 Tahlil etc.
    • Otherwise, when in good health the wife is required under the Shariah to fulfill the spouse's reasonable requests for conjugal relations (and similarly towards the wife), even if more than once in the night, or the Angels' curse will apply until the morning.
    • If your husband exercises his Islamic right to marry a second wife (or even up to four), then say "Alhamdulillah" and try to find a way of making all the marriages work fairly. For example, accept that he may stay two nights with each co-wife in turn, pray for your co-wife's happiness and express gratitude to Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa when your turn comes.
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Part 3
Part 3 of 3:

Being Pious

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  1. Look for Allah's love in your spouse's words, deeds, and appearance. Appreciate the work your spouse does to remain close to Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa, and everything they do to bring you closer to Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa as well. [12]
    • Remind your spouse to stick to practices that brings them closer to Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa, especially Sunnah acts of ibadah (worship).
    • Always keep the Qur'an at the center of your marriage. Set aside some time to read and recite the Qur'an together every day.
    • Ask your spouse to remind you about the natural world, hygiene, exercise and other practices that help you feel in step with your faith.
    • Study Islam together with your spouse and try to implement what you learn in your home.
    • Avoid unnecessary interaction or chit-chat with unrelated men (non-mahrams). If you do need to speak as a matter of necessity it should be done in a business-like manner and never in a room alone or the Shaytaan will be the third one present.
  2. Prayer is an vital part of every Muslims daily routine of worship. Make dua for the health of your relationship. Ask Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa for guidance when you are experiencing difficulties with your spouse. Ask Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa for ideas on how to please your spouse, and think about these questions actively when you are not in prayer. [13]
    • Remember that Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa loves to be asked for help and guidance, so always pray when you approach an important decision in your marriage.
    • Set aside time after every fardh salat to pray for your spouse and children. Thank Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa for having a Muslim family and ask for help to keep them strong in their faith.
    • Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa will hear your prayer and will answer it in the way that is best for you, even though this may sometimes seem to involve hardship.
    • Always acknowledge your sins to Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa, including those against your spouse, such as forgetting to lower the gaze. If you ask for mercy and sincerely promise not to repeat them then Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala will always be inclined to forgive.
    • Offset your sins against your spouse with good deeds, such as praying additional voluntary prayers or fasting, just as you would if you sinned against Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa directly.
    • If you wish to fast voluntarily, for example on Mondays and Thursdays, then you must seek your spouse's permission first, as they may be required to avoid intimacy during the period of fasting.
  3. When you encounter your spouse, say "As-salaamu 'alaikum." Greet one another in this way to share your faith and celebrate your shared identity. [14]
    • Teach you children to use the Islamic greeting too.
  4. Modesty, cleanliness, and elegance are important in Islam and will be appreciated by a good spouse. Dress to express your own faith and demonstrate your commitment to Islam. [15]
    • Familiarize yourself with the Islamic dress code and dress to please Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa by identifying yourself as a Muslimah.
    • Some wives choose to take the additional step of covering the face ( niqaab ) as an act of religious devotion. This is something that many spouses find pleasing but it must be the wife's own decision.
    • Brush your teeth with a miswak and gently wash your face every day.
  5. 5
    Protect yourself. The Qur'an emphasizes the importance of compassion, respect, and equity in marriages. Being a dutiful and obedient wife does not mean that you must suffer abuse. The Qur'an and Sunnah set out very clear limits on how a wife must be treated. If you are being badly treated, suffering emotional, verbal, sexual, or physical abuse, you can divorce your partner. The Qur'an states that Allah dislikes divorce, but allows for it in the name of justice: [16]
    • "If a woman fears ill-treatment (mushuz) or indifference (i'radh) from her husband, it is not wrong if (at her initiative) the two set things peacefully to right between themselves. If the two break up, Allah provides everyone out of His abundance, for Allah is resourceful, wise." (4:128-130)
    • Whilst the Muslim wife is normally required to obey her husband, this requirement is suspended in the case of a husband who is behaving in a way that opposes the will of Allah Subhana wa Ta'alaa.
    • 4:34 sets out how a husband may help his wife return to the true path of Islam if she were to stray. It is not an excuse for violence.
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  • Question
    I am a newly converted Muslim woman. Other Muslims in my neighborhood disrespect and exclude me. What do I do? Should I move?
    Community Answer
    Congratulations on becoming a Muslim. If you've truly become a Muslim for the sake of Allah then others' opinion of you shouldn't matter. All you need to do is be patient with such people. You'll never know when your patience is being tested. If the situation is affecting you severely, yes, you may have to move.
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    What should I do if my husband shouts or yells at me?
    Community Answer
    Remain calm at that moment, and try to see why your husband is shouting or yelling. Bring this subject up at a later time when you both are calm, and discuss the issue. Perhaps your husband does not realize how much he is hurting you when he shouts or yells at you.
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    I am a Muslim woman. Is it appropriate for my husband to talk down to me, or should he treat me as an equal?
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    It is absolutely wrong for anyone to talk down to their wife or husband. He should always treat you as an equal to him, and just because he is a male doesn't mean he can talk to you rudely.
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      Warnings

      • Don't ever accept abuse (physical or otherwise) . Islam requires a good wife to be loving and obeying to her full extent of ability, but it also obliges the spouse to respect their wife, and treat her in a civilized and tender manner. Understand that this is an obligation your partner must fulfill.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.sakoon.co.uk/blog/11-secrets-to-a-happy-marriage/
      2. ↑ https://www.sakoon.co.uk/blog/11-secrets-to-a-happy-marriage/
      3. ↑ https://thethinkingmuslim.com/2014/11/01/helping-your-wife-with-household-chores-is-a-neglected-sunnah/
      4. ↑ https://muslimvillage.com/2012/12/16/32962/10-habits-of-highly-effective-muslim-wives/
      5. ↑ https://www2.bellevuecollege.edu/artshum/materials/spch/Nudelman/fall03/200/PrctcngILang.htm
      6. ↑ https://www.iium.edu.my/deed/hadith/abudawood/036_sat.html
      7. ↑ https://www.al-islam.org/from-marriage-to-parenthood-heavenly-path-abbas-and-shaheen-merali/chapter-4-family-planning
      8. ↑ https://www.sakoon.co.uk/blog/11-secrets-to-a-happy-marriage/
      9. ↑ http://productivemuslim.com/happy-muslim-couples/
      1. ↑ http://www.mpvusa.org/sexuality-diversity/
      2. ↑ http://www.mpvusa.org/sexuality-diversity/
      3. ↑ http://productivemuslim.com/happy-muslim-couples/
      4. ↑ http://productivemuslim.com/happy-muslim-couples/
      5. ↑ http://productivemuslim.com/happy-muslim-couples/
      6. ↑ https://www.faithtrustinstitute.org/resources/learn-the-basics/dv-muslim-women-faqs#Are Muslim women abused more?
      7. ↑ https://www.faithtrustinstitute.org/resources/learn-the-basics/dv-muslim-women-faqs#Are Muslim women abused more?

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      If you want to be a successful Muslim wife, be open about what you expect from your spouse and encourage them to do the same, so you can build trust and strengthen your relationship. You should also make sure to share responsibilities around the house. For example, if your husband doesn't notice when things are messy, consider asking him to be in charge of certain chores. In addition to working well together, have fun together by exploring activities you both like or trying something new. As you spend time with your spouse, look for Allah's love in his words, deeds, and appearance. To improve both of your relationships with Islam, consider studying it together. At the same time, don't be afraid to ask Allah for guidance when you run into problems with your husband. For more tips, including how to enjoy physical intimacy according to the Qur'an, read on!

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