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It’s Saturday, your homework is done, you have a little extra money, and you want to go out with some friends to go shopping. Everything is ready to go except for one, small problem: your parents don’t want you to go. What do you do? With a little education in persuasion and debate, you will be out at the mall in no time!
Steps
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Do your homework and get good grades. School is an opportunity for you to show your maturity and tenacity! If you slack off in school, your parents won’t take you seriously. Change their mind by doing your homework as soon as you get home, staying out of trouble in class, and asking them or your teachers for help when you don’t understand something. [1] X Research source
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Finish all of your chores without them asking. Impress your parents by fulfilling your responsibilities at home quickly and without bragging about it. By showing you care about even the small things, you are proving to them just how mature you really are. [2] X Research sourceAdvertisement
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Follow through on what you say you’ll do. This is something adults have trouble with, too, so if you succeed at this step, your parents will think of you as extremely mature and trustworthy when you’re out by yourself. If you promise to take the trash out or do the dishes, do it! If you’re old enough to drive and said you would pick up your little brother from school, don’t forget about him. [3] X Research source
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Act mature in public. Parents want to feel respected. If their children are throwing temper tantrums or are ignoring them on their phones when they’re around other adults, they feel embarrassed. Make yourself look good by putting away your phone, talking with them, being polite and courteous. [4] X Research source
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Be appreciative. Nothing gets you a solid “no” faster than sounding like you deserve something. Chances are, your parents have sacrificed a lot to give you a comfortable life. Shock and surprise them by telling them something like “Dad, I know how hard you work for everyone in our family. Thank you so much.” When you appreciate what they’ve done, they will want to do even more. [5] X Research source
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Be reachable by phone. It may be embarrassing to answer a text or call from your parents when you’re out with your friends. But look at it from their point of view—they are worried about you and want to know they can reach you whenever possible. If you help them learn to trust you by having an open line of communication, they’ll be able to relax more and leave you alone. [6] X Research source
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Avoid being late when they pick you up. Even if your parents are always late for you, show them how mature you are by being on time, or even (gasp!) early. When you’re late, you tell the other person that you don’t respect their time. If you want to convince your parents of anything, you need to make sure they feel respected! [7] X Research source
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Explain how you’ll be safe. One reason your parents would rather keep you at home is that when you’re home, they know you’re safe. However, shopping at a mall is relatively harmless as well! Tell them where you’re going to be, remind them that you will be in a public place with other friends, you will stay in the mall, and you won’t wonder off with any strangers. Giving them more details will make them feel better.
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Tell them who will be there and if there will be any chaperones. They will be much more willing to let you go if they know an adult will be going with you, or if they know and trust the people you are going to go with. If you want to go out with people they don’t like, know, or trust, you’re going to have a much more difficult time.
- If your parents don’t know the friends you want to hang out with, make a plan to introduce them ahead of time. If another adult is going with you, make sure you give them all of the contact information they need.
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Give them plenty of notice. If you ask your parents the day of, they may just say no as a snap decision. Give them some time to think things over, and they may be much more willing to consider letting you go. [8] X Research source
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Use your own money, or ask if your parents will be willing to match your funds. Showing your parents you plan to use your own money demonstrates that you are taking this outing seriously. What if you don’t have enough? Ask if you can split the cost of a particular item, or ask if you can do some extra chores to earn a little cash. [9] X Research source
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Show them how your independence benefits them. Parents want you to grow up to be a strong, healthy, independent kid. Going to the mall can be a small stepping stone. If they know you can take care of themselves, they can go out on dates and activities on their own, and that will make everybody happier. [10] X Research source
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Invite them to come along. If they won’t budge on going out on your own, a last ditch effort is to invite them to come too. Remember, they’re scared for your safety, so bringing them could make them feel more comfortable. Yes, it will be awkward, and no, it’s not the best. But it’s worth it to spend some time with friends.
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Avoid becoming emotional. If they are being stubborn, do your best to stay calm. When you get upset and throw a fit, all of your hard work is for nothing. Breathe, and if you need to, ask to talk again later. [11] X Research source
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Understand your parents’ points of view. If they’ve said no in the past, try to remember what their reasons were. Too often, we think about what we want, and we forget our parents are people, too. [12] X Research source
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Listen to their concerns and address them. If they say no, ask them why. Get them to be specific and show them you’re listening. [13] X Research source
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Give and take. You might not get everything you want, and that’s okay. Maybe you can go to the mall, but not this weekend. Or maybe they need to come along, or maybe you need to do extra chores to be allowed to go out. It’s not perfect, but if they see you’re willing to give to make them happy and comfortable, they’ll be more willing to give, too. [14] X Research source
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Accept defeat gracefully. Sometimes, even if you do everything right, your parents will still say no. If you melt down here, it will be even less likely to work in the future. If they say no, say something like “okay, mom. Thank you for talking with me anyway. I love you.” They will be more likely to listen to your wishes next time.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionWhat's your advice for asking permission if your parents are always saying no?Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).Try to understand why they said no. If you ask to be allowed to get back at midnight and they say 10 PM, instead of getting angry, try to understand why that is. You’ll get an honest answer. If you can understand where they're coming from, you can address that point, and maybe promise them that you understand them. In due time, they will start to trust you more.
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Warnings
- Don’t throw tantrums or be disrespectful if you don’t get your way. This will only make things worse for you in the long run. Remember, it’s not just about going out this one time—it’s about getting them to trust you so you can go out with friends often in the future.Thanks
- Don’t threaten your parents or try to manipulate them into doing what you want. These are power plays and they will respond in force, and you will lose every time.Thanks
- If you build up an appearance of maturity that disappears if you don’t get your way, you will lose their trust and it will be much, much more difficult the next time you want to go out.Thanks
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about convincing your parents, check out our in-depth interview with Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC .
References
- ↑ http://www.freerangekids.com/help-im-14-and-not-allowed-to-hang-out-with-friends-any-advice/
- ↑ http://www.freerangekids.com/help-im-14-and-not-allowed-to-hang-out-with-friends-any-advice/
- ↑ http://www.freerangekids.com/help-im-14-and-not-allowed-to-hang-out-with-friends-any-advice/
- ↑ http://www.freerangekids.com/help-im-14-and-not-allowed-to-hang-out-with-friends-any-advice/
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/hanaan-rosenthal/advice-for-teens_b_2037523.html
- ↑ http://www.rookiemag.com/2015/03/how-to-gain-your-parents-trust/
- ↑ http://www.prolificliving.com/the-importance-of-being-punctual/
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/hanaan-rosenthal/advice-for-teens_b_2037523.html
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/hanaan-rosenthal/advice-for-teens_b_2037523.html
- ↑ http://www.freerangekids.com/help-im-14-and-not-allowed-to-hang-out-with-friends-any-advice/
- ↑ https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/588/04/
- ↑ https://www.inc.com/steve-tobak/how-to-sell-anything-to-anybody.html
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/hanaan-rosenthal/advice-for-teens_b_2037523.html
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/hanaan-rosenthal/advice-for-teens_b_2037523.html
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Reader Success Stories
- "The part when it said to be polite helped. I kept it in mind while talking to my parents, and to stay calm. It worked pretty well. " ..." more
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"The part when it said to be polite helped. I kept it in mind while talking to my parents, and to stay calm. It worked pretty well. "
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"Follow this advice! I had lots of fun when my parents let me go out!"
"I will try to convince my parents to go places with my friends. <3"
"What helped the most was "easing their worries.""
"This is amazing, I use it all of the time!"
