How to Cope with Being Touch Starved

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If you don’t see many people in your day-to-day life, you may be suffering from touch starvation. This phenomena, which describes a longing for physical touch, has become more and more common around the world. Fortunately, there are tons of ways you can cope with being touch starved, even if you aren’t around many people most of the time.

Section 1 of 4:

What is touch starvation?

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  1. Many people experience this after they haven’t had contact with other people for a while. The touch in question doesn’t have to be sexual—you might crave a hug or a platonic cuddle with a friend. Touch is an important part of human culture, and some people even compare it to the need for food and water. [1]
    • Contrary to what you might think, you can still be touch starved even if you don’t particularly like other people touching you.
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Section 2 of 4:

Why is touch so important?

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  1. Have you ever been having a bad day, and the only thing that could fix it was a hug from someone you love? Studies show that being touched, even platonically, can help slow your heart rate and reduce blood pressure. [2]
  2. Skin-to-skin contact is a great way to remind yourself that you’re real, and other people are, too. When you go a long time without touching someone else, your feelings of loneliness might increase, as well as feelings of social exclusion. [3]
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Section 3 of 4:

Symptoms of Touch Starvation

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  1. Studies show that people who have less physical contact with others may experience heightened mental health issues, like depression or anxiety. [4] If you already struggled with either of these, you may notice that a lack of touch exacerbates them. Fortunately, you can use coping mechanisms and self-soothing strategies to simulate touch on your own.
  2. When you hug or touch someone, your stress levels automatically go down. [5] If you haven’t had physical contact in a while, you might notice that you’re feeling more on edge or you’re more overwhelmed with your daily tasks.
  3. Physical touch is how humans bond and connect with one another. If you don’t have physical contact with your loved ones, you might have an unsettling feeling that something is missing in your relationships. [6] Fortunately, you can change this by casually touching your loved ones when you see them in person.
  4. When you’re more calm and less stressed, you have a better night’s sleep . However, when you’re touch starved, you might find yourself having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep at night. [7] As you address your touch starvation and find ways to cope, your sleeping issues should go away on their own.
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Section 4 of 4:

Coping Strategies for Being Touch Starved

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  1. The weight of a heavy blanket can feel like you’re cuddling up to someone. Get comfy in bed, then pull a weighted blanket on top of you and wrap it around your body. The heaviness of the fabric can trick your brain into thinking you’re getting a hug or some cuddles, which can satisfy your need for touch. [8]
    • If you don’t have a weighted blanket, try wrapping multiple layers of blankets around you instead.
    • Or, get cozy in multiple sweaters and sweatpants.
  2. A long, large pillow can imitate cuddling a person. Plus, studies show that hugging inanimate objects can help reduce stress and improve your mental state. [9] Try getting a body pillow that’s as long and tall as you are, then keep it in bed to hold at night.
    • You can find decent body pillows at a good price at most home goods stores.
    • Don’t want to splurge on a body pillow? Try hugging a normal-sized pillow instead. It won’t quite simulate a human, but it can be just as comforting.
  3. The sensation of the water on your skin can mimic touch. If you start to feel stressed or anxious, run yourself a nice shower or a warm bath. Let the warmth of the water and the heat from the steam envelope you as you close your eyes and just relax. [10]
    • Make things even more luxurious and relaxing by adding in a bath bomb or some scented soap.
    • Feeling stressed? Play some soothing music and light a few candles for the ultimate relaxation.
  4. Warm liquids can bring about a sense of peace. Pour yourself a mug of steaming hot coffee or tea, then take a moment to hold it in your hands. Let it warm you up from the outside in as you take a few deep breaths. [11]
    • If you’re trying this method at night, go for herbal tea or decaf coffee to avoid keeping yourself awake.
  5. Some people get a pleasant, relaxing feeling when listening to ASMR. The autonomous sensory meridian response might give you shivers or chills that can help satisfy your need for touch. [12] Look up ASMR videos on YouTube or Google, then listen to them to feel calmer and more relaxed.
    • There are tons of different styles of ASMR videos to choose from, including ones to relax you, ones to make you sleepy, and ones to comfort you.
    • Most ASMR videos sound best on high-quality headphones.
  6. A soothing massage can help release tension and mimic outside touch. [13] Sit in a comfortable position and massage your own shoulders, neck, hands, arms, and feet. Try to do this for 10 to 15 minutes until you feel more relaxed and comfortable in your own skin.
    • Use some hand lotion to make your massage even easier.
    • If you have the budget for it, try booking a professional massage instead.
  7. Talking to a friend or family member can help you feel less lonely. Even if they can’t be with you in person to give you a hug or a pat on the back, chatting with someone you love can be almost as good. Call, text, or video chat with your loved ones often to keep them in your life and make you feel more at peace. [14]
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    What are some creative ways to communicate with friends?
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
    Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
    Expert Answer
    You can plan and fix a time to meet one or two friends regularly online. Then eat dinner, play a musical instrument, or a board game together.
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  • Question
    How can I stay connected when I cannot go out with people?
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
    Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.
    Adam Dorsay, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
    Expert Answer
    You can make random calls to your friends with whom you have not talked for a long time. Maybe you cannot meet them at Starbucks, but you can have a cup of coffee together online.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 3 Helpful 3
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7250541/
      2. ↑ https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0173457
      3. ↑ https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-017-13355-7?utm_medium=affiliate&utm_source=commission_junction&utm_campaign=CONR_PF018_ECOM_GL_PHSS_ALWYS_PRODUCT&utm_content=productdatafeed&utm_term=PID100090071&CJEVENT=ef34be4ba53d11ec8315010d0a1c0e0e
      4. ↑ https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2005-07671-006
      5. ↑ https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0173457
      6. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7250541/
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202011/skin-hunger-touch-starvation-and-hug-deprivation
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202011/skin-hunger-touch-starvation-and-hug-deprivation
      9. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3805974/
      1. ↑ https://ideas.ted.com/we-are-made-to-be-touched-so-what-happens-when-we-arent/
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202011/skin-hunger-touch-starvation-and-hug-deprivation
      3. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6010208/
      4. ↑ https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2005-07671-006
      5. ↑ https://ideas.ted.com/we-are-made-to-be-touched-so-what-happens-when-we-arent/
      6. ↑ Adam Dorsay, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker. Expert Interview. 11 April 2019.
      7. ↑ Adam Dorsay, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker. Expert Interview. 11 April 2019.
      8. ↑ Adam Dorsay, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker. Expert Interview. 11 April 2019.

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