How do you spot a pick me girl?

01/22/25 3:12pm

So, I have a little sister who occasionally refers to one of her friends as a “pick me” girl. Google says this is someone who seeks out male validation to a kind of a silly level, but that doesn’t really seem like it encompasses everything? I’ve asked my sister about it but she’s kind of evasive and not very good at explaining what she means. Is this a slur? Is that why my sister is kind of flighty about it? Someone break it down for me!

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WikiLorisRunner157

01/23/25 4:12pm

Yeah, probably not great to have a little kid referring to people as “pick me” girls (assuming your sister is in grade school or something). That’s a derogatory term for women who pull the “I’m not like other girls” card to try and get guys to pay attention to them.

Pick me girls tend to put other women down and make fun of “girly” things to try and seem less feminine than they are. The problem is the term can be used to put down women who aren’t naturally hyper-feminine, and I’ve seen the term used as a slur against LGBTQ+ women before.

It also ignores the nature of the problem. Pick me girls behave the way they do because society rewards men for being “manly,” but penalizes girls for being “girly.” In other words, this behavior is a product of sexism against women, and perpetuating that is kind of not a great move for a young girl.

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Anonymous WikiEagle

03/25/25 8:58pm

I like video games(not shooters), I am not much into cosmetics, I don't have typical girly hobbies. Does this make me a pick-me? Of course not. A real pick me would be the first to write an insulting comment, humble a woman in any situation and say things like "I would..." It's not about hobbies or preferences or sports, a real pick me will use ANY chance to put other women down. It's just how I see it. And the sexism is to blame. Many women shame other women, only because it's "normal" for them.

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WikiMistRider669

01/26/25 8:08pm

I get your little sister's instinct to call people "pick me girls" because she wants to point out their behaviors that put down other girls. But at the same time, her making fun of those kind of girls is still pitting girls against each other, when they should instead be supporting each other. It sounds like your sister isn't willing to talk more about "pick me girls" but maybe you can ask her about what her friend does and how that makes your sister feel, and then try to help her go from there.

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WikiOcelotFlyer849

01/25/25 8:23am

Pick me girls are girls who do things for male validation, often putting down other girls in the process. I have mixed feelings about them because they're annoying and it's mean of them to put down other girls but their behavior is coming from a need for male validation, which society puts a lot of value in.

Here are some signs that someone is a pick me girl:
- Saying things like "I don't know how you do [girly thing], I could never do [girl thing]"
- Talking about how they don't wear or don't like makeup
- Showing off that they have steroetypically masculine hobbies, interests, or behaviors
- Trying hard to be "one of the boys"
- Minimizing the harm of sexist behavior
- Making fun of or showing disgust toward anything girly
- Saying it's "easier to be friends with guys" or "girls have too much drama"

-2

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WikiCheetahTrader898

03/25/25 9:00pm

I don't like make up that much and some girls really have too much drama, yet I don't like male sports too. So what?

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