How Long Should You Date before Getting Married in Your 20s?

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Helping you decide when to take the next step in your relationship
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You’ve found the one: your partner and soulmate that you want to spend the rest of your life with. But if you two are only in your 20s, popping the question and planning a wedding might feel like you’re rushing into things. While there’s no right or wrong timeline for getting married, there are some helpful guidelines that you can follow when it comes to dating before marriage. Keep reading to learn how long the experts recommend waiting, as well as things to consider before getting engaged.

Things You Should Know

  • Relationship experts recommend dating for at least 1 to 2 years before getting married.
  • Dating for 3 or more years drops the likelihood of getting a divorce as much as 50%.
  • While there’s no right age to get married, make sure you and your partner are on the same page about your values and goals.
Section 1 of 5:

How long should you date before marriage?

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    At any age, 1 to 2 years lets you get to know your partner and make sure that your goals and values align with each other’s. [1] It’s important to have a solid foundation in your relationship and to build trust, especially when you’re in your 20s, so that you know the relationship can last long-term.
    • Studies have found that couples who date for 3+ years tend to stay together for longer after marriage. In fact, divorce rates drop as much as 50% when couples date for 3 or more years.
    • If you're in your 30s, 40s, or beyond, the recommendation is the same—dating for at least 1-2 years will give your relationship the solid foundation it needs to last a long time.
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Section 2 of 5:

How long does an average relationship last in your 20s?

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    However, studies also show that those years aren’t necessarily consecutive. Young people, especially in the newer generations, tend to break up and make up more often than their older counterparts used to. [2]
Section 3 of 5:

Is your early 20s too young to get married?

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    Ultimately, deciding when you’d like to get married is up to you and your partner. Some people date for less than a year and marry quickly, while others take their time and stay together for decades before tying the knot. As long as you feel comfortable and excited about the situation, then it’s the right choice for you. [3]
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Section 4 of 5:

Considerations Before Getting Engaged

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    When you date someone, you’re getting to know their innermost thoughts and values. If you’re thinking about taking the next step in your relationship, think about how you and your partner complement each other. It’s okay to have minor differences, but the big things, like family values and moral leanings, should all relatively be the same. [4]
    • For example, maybe staying close to family is very important to you, but your partner would prefer to travel and live abroad. This could cause conflict down the line, so it’s important to think about now.
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    Exclusivity is an important part of a monogamous relationship—but your relationship (and your marriage) doesn’t have to be monogamous. Before taking the plunge and getting married, talk to your partner about whether the relationship would be totally exclusive, or if you two are okay with an open marriage or a polyamorous relationship. [5]
    • This is another value that may be hard to compromise on. If you’re fully monogamous but your partner wants to be in an open relationship, then it may not work out long-term.
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    In-law relations are a very important part of a family’s dynamic. When you and your partner get married, you’re not just marrying them: you’re marrying their family, too. Think about whether or not you can get along with your partner’s family and how well they integrate into your own. [6]
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    Do you see yourself building a life with this person? When you and your partner get married, you’re likely going to move in together (if you aren’t living together already). Marriage isn’t just about romance, it’s about living as roommates, too. Think about your partner’s lifestyle and whether or not it fits in with your own. [7]
    • For instance, maybe your partner is super messy but you’re a neat freak. When you get married, you may need to compromise about the cleanliness of your home in order to cohabitate. Sometimes, you'll both counterbalance each other's weaknesses and strengths.
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    Deciding whether or not to have kids is a big step, and one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. For most people, this is a joint decision that they make with their partner. It’s important that both you and your partner are on the same page about having children before you get married so that there are no disappointments down the line. [8]
    • When you’re young, it can be tough to decide if you want to have kids, especially if you’d like to wait a couple of years. If you or your partner are still on the fence about kids, it’s okay to get married as long as you keep that line of communication open.
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    When you and your partner disagree, do you fight fair (meaning no yelling or name-calling)? Arguing is a fact of life in any relationship, and it’s important that you and your partner can communicate respectfully even when you don’t agree with each other. [9]
    • If you and your partner haven’t had any major disagreements yet, that’s a sign that you may want to hold off on getting married just yet. Learning how to handle fights is important, and it’s something that most people want to learn about their partner before they commit to getting married.
    • Does your partner push you to grow? Do they challenge you in ways that were unexpected or ways that were welcomed and ways that maybe aren't certainly welcomed but make you a better person?
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    Marriage is a long-term commitment. In your vows, you’ll likely promise your partner that you’ll be there for them in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer. Make sure you feel comfortable staying with your partner even if life takes a turn for the worse. [10]
    • Similarly, think about whether or not your partner would stay by your side if things got tough. If you imagine them running for the hills instead of supporting you, it might be a good idea to hold off on marriage.
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Section 5 of 5:

Benefits of Waiting for Marriage

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    You can be totally in love with someone and still have more to learn about them. When you date for a while before getting married, there’s more of an opportunity to learn about who your partner is and what makes them tick. That way, you can be 100% sure about your decision to marry them. [11]
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    When you’re in a relationship but not yet married, there’s a certain sense of independence that can be lost once you tie the knot. You can absolutely be your own person after marriage, too! But when you’re young, maintaining your friendships and hobbies is a little bit easier if you’re just dating. [12]
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    Weddings (and all that come with them) are expensive! When you’re in your 20s, you might not have a ton of savings put away to finance everything just yet. Waiting a little bit longer lets you and your partner build wealth together so you can have the wedding of your dreams. [13]
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How Long Should You Date Before Marriage?


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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201710/how-long-should-you-date-getting-married
      2. ↑ https://www.vice.com/en/article/wjxy74/how-long-is-the-average-millennial-relationship
      3. ↑ https://www.countryliving.com/life/news/a44108/dating-before-marriage/
      4. ↑ https://www.today.com/health/what-know-getting-married-couples-therapist-advice-t122403
      5. ↑ https://www.today.com/health/what-know-getting-married-couples-therapist-advice-t122403
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201705/18-questions-ask-getting-married
      7. ↑ https://www.today.com/health/what-know-getting-married-couples-therapist-advice-t122403
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201705/18-questions-ask-getting-married
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201705/18-questions-ask-getting-married
      1. ↑ https://www.today.com/health/what-know-getting-married-couples-therapist-advice-t122403
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201705/18-questions-ask-getting-married
      3. ↑ https://www.gottman.com/blog/3-reasons-millennials-are-waiting-to-get-married/
      4. ↑ https://www.today.com/health/what-know-getting-married-couples-therapist-advice-t122403

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