Q&A for How to Be a Great Conversationalist

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How can I become a more fun conversationalist?

Lynn Kirkham
Public Speaking Coach
Lynn Kirkham is a Professional Public Speaker and Founder of Yes You Can Speak, a San Francisco Bay Area-based public speaking educational business empowering thousands of professionals to take command of whatever stage they've been given - from job interviews, boardroom talks to TEDx and large conference platforms. Lynn was chosen as the official TEDx Berkeley speaker coach for the last four years and has worked with executives at Google, Facebook, Intuit, Genentech, Intel, VMware, and others.

Lynn Kirkham

Public Speaking Coach

Expert Answer

Try using your hands and emoting while talking so you seem more involved in a conversation. It can also help to take some time to practice telling stories so it feels more natural when you're speaking.

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How do I handle talking to someone who does not say much?

Community Answer

Conversing with an introvert can be challenging, especially if you're more extroverted and don't struggle as much with extreme self-consciousness or sudden brain blanks in talking with others. Often it takes time for an introvert to feel comfortable enough to shoulder his or her fair share of the conversation, so expect you'll have to talk to this person multiple times before beginning to break the ice. Learn about his or her interests and ask open-ended, probing questions that invite that person to elaborate. And be patient!

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If the conversation pauses, what do I do?

Community Answer

Either link the previous topic of discussion to a new subject, or after a few moments, begin talking about something else altogether. Don't rush it; pauses aren't always detrimental to a conversation, especially after something particularly meaningful/funny/impactful has been said.

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Question

What if the person is not making eye contact with me?

Sarah Battilana

Community Answer

They may just have a bad habit of not making eye contact, or maybe they don't want to be talking. You could try gently asking if they are okay and say something like, "Are you alright? I noticed that you aren't really looking at me and I don't want to bother you if you don't feel like talking."

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Question

How do I become a positive person?

Sarah Battilana

Community Answer

wikiHow has some great articles on being a more positive person! Check them out for some tips. In general, try to focus on thinking and talking about things that make you happy--like coffee in the morning or petting a dog. Focusing on simple, small things is a great way to start changing your outlook!

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My conversations often end up feeling like interviews of the other person. How can I make them go more smoothly and natural?

Sarah Battilana

Community Answer

Try sharing some stories of your own. After someone answers one of your questions, share something about yourself that shows you can relate to them.

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Someone I know talks way too much and doesn't let other people be heard. What can I do?

Community Answer

Let them know that you are annoyed by this and explain your point of view, but show them you understand why they talk a lot and explain why they should give others a chance. Sometimes people talk to much if they're insecure so let them feel welcome as you explain things about yourself or others. If things are too hard then don't talk to that person. Don't go crazy and be a know-it-all though, just a knowitsome.

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