Q&A for How to Bring Up Good Children

You need to be structured, but you need to balance rewards and consequences, because if there are only consequences, they have nothing to lose. If you only provide rewards, you can improve behavior for a short period, but it will not change the behavior on the long term. So, set rules and expectations. Teens need to know exactly what's coming and that they have a choice, whichever choice they make. If they decide to break the rule, there will be a consequence. If they behave well, they get a reward. Your behavior must also be consistent.

At first, give the child some space. Respect their privacy so they can respect you. Do not rush them into the ways of your home but introduce them slowly until they are comfortable with your house schedule. Do not talk to them about their past. Either let them talk to you about it or wait some months or years until the child is showing signs of getting along but even then discuss it subtly. Let them feel included, e.g letting them choose the meal you will eat, or what you can watch on the TV or by making key decisions with the child.

Talk to his teacher about what he is doing at school and if he has the same issues there.

Any change to a family such as moving, people entering the family, or people exiting the family will have an effect on your child. Sit down with your daughter and have a heart-to-heart where you try to get to the root of her behavior changes -- not in an accusing manner, but in a way that shows how much you love her and how concerned you are.

There are entire books about this, but I'll try to summarize a few major ones, starting with rebellion. The child will eventually realize that you are not perfect, and they, who were under your perfect control for years, will start to test your boundaries and lash out. The best way to prevent this is to be sure that they feel they have a fair say in their own lives. (Not undeniable rights, per se, but listen when they have a grievance and be fair and calm above all else.) Stress is contagious and can ruin a relationship. Another issue is the evolution of culture. This one is really, really unpredictable. Who knows what the world will be like in ten years? Your child is part of society, like it or not, and society changes over time, so parents may face some tension when they and their children have different ideas of what's socially proper or expected.

Beating kids has gotten less popular recently because people realized it makes kids lose trust in their parents. Beating him would make your son feel worse about himself, and because of that his grades and behavior would also get worse. Personally I think B's are pretty good, and all kids misbehave sometimes. Try to be patient with your son, and let him explain his side of the story before you're too harsh with him. I definitely do not suggest ever beating kids.