Q&A for How to Conduct a Memorial Service

Everybody may have a different opinion on what's expensive and what's not expensive, but it's important that you get everything you want at a fair price so that when you walk away, you know that you were served really well. In order to get the best value for what you are paying for, understand exactly what you want and try to work with somebody who can help you achieve that.

A memorial service, by definition, is a service without the body present. A funeral service is a service with the body present. A memorial service is typically held if the burial is being held elsewhere.

Typically, people talk about their loved one that passed away, the relationship they had with the person, and how they affected each other.

Nothing you do at a memorial service is tacky, as everyone understands you are at maximum stress, pain and grieving. In most churches, there are a few people who will bring something to drink. Other people might bring cookies. Churches are very organized regarding things like this, so there's no need for you to worry about it.

Candles are often lit in remembrance or mourning, so they are frequently used in memorial services.

Many funeral homes have these available as part of the services or to purchase. If you would like something more personal you can purchase basic sign in books of different styles and sizes at most hobby or craft stores. You can include a photo/photos of the deceased and include the bulletin/funeral notice on the inside cover. You may also choose to include a quote or favorite scripture. For a bit less you can find blank or lined booklets at bargain stores with stationary or office products. You can add the items listed for a personal touch and include the date and nature of the service.

That is up to the immediate family. You could have it the next day or weekend. It's best to plan it on the sooner end so everyone can have the closure they need.

Yes, it is customary to pay a stipend to the speaker at a funeral service. More often than not, a clergy member or family friend delivers a eulogy and invites people in attendance to share memories about the deceased or view the casket, etc. If you do not have someone, usually the funeral home has such a person on staff. The funeral home may suggest an amount, however an acceptable sum would be $100-$200, and may vary slightly depending on your location.

You may say a few words before spreading the ashes somewhere.

Why would you exclude family members? Gather everyone together and hold a private family memorial. Sometimes a funeral is a good time to bury the past -- not just a cherished loved one.

No. You don't have to wear black. Other dark or neutral colors would also be appropriate, and it would be best not to wear anything very bright or flashy.