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What if you're scared of confrontation?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Being scared of confrontation is usually a sign that you are probably expecting a negative reaction rather than a compromise. Consider what's the worst thing that can happen if you confront someone? Will you survive that? Will it matter in the long run if the worst thing you imagine occurs?

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Question

I have a guy friend that me and my friends play with. We often tease or roast each other as a joke. His jokea are mean and not funny. How do I confront him?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Speak to him in private and let him know specifically what kind of jokes you find mean. Make sure to assertively tell him to avoid joking about those subjects in the future and finish by asking him if he clearly understands what you told him. Be sure to state consequences as well if he does not stop, such as cutting off your friendship.

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Question

How do you calm yourself before a difficult conversation?

Tracy Carver, PhD
Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Tracy Carver is an award-winning Licensed Psychologist based in Austin, Texas. Dr. Carver specializes in counseling for issues related to self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and psychedelic integration. She holds a BS in Psychology from Virginia Commonwealth University, an MA in Educational Psychology, and a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from The University of Texas at Austin. Dr. Carver also completed an internship in Clinical Psychology through Harvard University Medical School. She was voted one of the Best Mental Health Professionals in Austin for four years in a row by Austin Fit Magazine. Dr. Carver has been featured in Austin Monthly, Austin Woman Magazine, Life in Travis Heights, and KVUE (the Austin affiliate for ABC News).

Tracy Carver, PhD

Licensed Psychologist

Expert Answer

Do some deep breathing to regulate emotions like anxiety and anger. It can also help to listen to some calming music or anything else that helps you feel relaxed.

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Question

How do you have an emotional conversation?

Tracy Carver, PhD
Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Tracy Carver is an award-winning Licensed Psychologist based in Austin, Texas. Dr. Carver specializes in counseling for issues related to self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and psychedelic integration. She holds a BS in Psychology from Virginia Commonwealth University, an MA in Educational Psychology, and a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from The University of Texas at Austin. Dr. Carver also completed an internship in Clinical Psychology through Harvard University Medical School. She was voted one of the Best Mental Health Professionals in Austin for four years in a row by Austin Fit Magazine. Dr. Carver has been featured in Austin Monthly, Austin Woman Magazine, Life in Travis Heights, and KVUE (the Austin affiliate for ABC News).

Tracy Carver, PhD

Licensed Psychologist

Expert Answer

Think about what you want to say, then write an outline with a few of the key points you want to make. However, I wouldn't write everything out like a script—that will just make you sound stilted and robotic, and it will probably make the other person more defensive.

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Question

How do you have a hard conversation with family?

Tracy Carver, PhD
Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Tracy Carver is an award-winning Licensed Psychologist based in Austin, Texas. Dr. Carver specializes in counseling for issues related to self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and psychedelic integration. She holds a BS in Psychology from Virginia Commonwealth University, an MA in Educational Psychology, and a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from The University of Texas at Austin. Dr. Carver also completed an internship in Clinical Psychology through Harvard University Medical School. She was voted one of the Best Mental Health Professionals in Austin for four years in a row by Austin Fit Magazine. Dr. Carver has been featured in Austin Monthly, Austin Woman Magazine, Life in Travis Heights, and KVUE (the Austin affiliate for ABC News).

Tracy Carver, PhD

Licensed Psychologist

Expert Answer

Plan out the things you want to say, but also listen to the other person's reactions, even if you don't necessarily agree with it. Don't go in thinking you already know how they're going to react—allow yourself some space to be surprised. That's one of the keys to a mature, healthy dialogue that won't lead into an unproductive back-and-forth.

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