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Q&A for How to Confront Someone Who Has Hurt You
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QuestionHow do I cope with my parents telling me to die because I told them that I was feeling suicidal?Community AnswerThis behavior from your parents is not okay! Tell another adult you trust about your feelings and your parents' response.
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QuestionMy friend went to the beach for Easter break, and invited everybody in our group but me to go with her. What should I say to her?Community AnswerJust tell her how you feel, and if she doesn't understand, she is not a true friend.
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QuestionI've heard from a relative that my closest cousin said that she hates me because I love Korea (I'm a big fan of K-pop). I want to confront her but I don't want things to get awkward. What do I do?Community AnswerDon't let her hate you for what you love! You can have great relationships with other people, even if you are interested in different things than they are. Maybe you can show her just how great K-pop is, or even just ask her what she has against it. Don't get angry, try to have a calm conversation about it.
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QuestionWhat if the person I am trying to forgive is mean again and purposely does the same thing just to be mean?Community AnswerAlways get help from someone older than you and someone you trust. Try to avoid this person.
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QuestionI told my friend whom I have blind trust in something that he had to keep to himself. But he broke down under pressure and talked. He doesn't know that I know; how do I confront him without losing him?Tom De BackerTop AnswererLet him know how you feel, let him know you know, let him know you are hurt but still don't want to lose him. Ask him how he feels and what he thinks he should do next. Talk about this, come up with an answer you can live with. Finally, remember that a secret is only truly safe if of all people in the world exactly one person knows it and all others don't even know it exists. It follows that if that person tells someone, they really actually want the secret to be known.
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QuestionMy adult daughter calls me names and refuses to pay back the money she borrowed from me. Should I confront her?Community AnswerI would say it depends on your daughter's personality. You should consider the consequences and outcomes of the reaction she may have if you confront her and decide whether or not you're willing to endure them. If you want to take the legal route to get your money back, then you should contact a lawyer to discuss it.
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QuestionMy friend talked behind my back over and over again. I kept forgiving her, but I'm tired of it. I told her to stop but she kept going, what do I do?Tom De BackerTop AnswererThe more times you forgive her, the less meaningful it becomes. She'll expect you to forgive her and breaking your trust becomes trivial to her. I would consider how much this friendship is truly worth to you, if this is such a big part of it. Alternatively, pick a number, any number. That's the total number of times you think you can forgive anyone for hurting you. Promise yourself you'll take action as soon as it hits that number. Say she's at 14 times now, if you picked 17, there you go. Remember you could pick 11, or 1, or 0. It's up to you to let her know beforehand or not.
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QuestionHow do I deal with everyone in my school ignoring me and saying they hate me?Community AnswerFirst, tell yourself, "This too shall pass." It's a temporary situation -- eventually, these people will move on to other victim and forget whatever supposed offense made them turn on you. Secondly, be determined not to allow the opinions of others to define you. Find at least one loyal friend who will stick by you, if you can. Most of all, pray for God to be your comforter, companion, and source of strength. Jesus suffered the same torment you are now going through, and much worse, so he understands exactly how you feel.
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QuestionI'm 28 years old. I live with a parents and teen brother who abused me verbally and psycially because I refused to submit to their ideas. Now I'm depressed and helpless. What can I do?Community AnswerYou could try to stand up to them and fight fire with fire, or you can inform someone close to you, and if it is serious you can call the police or the hospital.
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QuestionMy friend keeps teasing me about my crush, and it really hurts my feelings, how do I tell her without bursting into tears?Jourdan BrooksCommunity AnswerJust tell her that you don't appreciate her teasing you. If you start to tear up, it's okay. If she's a real friend, she'll see it's really bugging you and stop.
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QuestionWhat can I say to a relative who says she will help me, and then never gets back to me when I make a request? I had my blood work done so she could analyze my results (she's a nutritionist).Tom De BackerTop AnswererNot all nutritionists are experts in blood test analysis, maybe she's out of her depth. I would remind her with your exact words: "Hey, remember you said you'd try to help me? Well you know I got these blood test results and I am hoping you can tell me what to do next."
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QuestionAt person told me that she hates my negativity, even though I'm just being realistic. I tried to put myself in her shoes, and I see nothing wrong. Am I really being negative for being realistic?Tom De BackerTop AnswererEven not knowing the details, the answer is likely somewhere between your and her point of view, if only because it usually is anyway. Being negative and being realistic are not mutually exclusive; if things are bad, then being realistic means you have to be negative. I would open with "OK, I thought about it, and understand your point of view, I will try and be less negative, but I do feel I am being realistic though. Let's focus on the issue at hand?"
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QuestionMy boyfriend is doing actions that are hurting me emotionally. I tried telling him multiple times before, but he never listens. What should I do?Tom De BackerTop AnswererYou're doing it right. If you have identified certain actions of his that hurt you, the next step is to point that out to him. The next step would be his, he has to understand and change his behavior so he doesn't hurt you again. Sure, this can take a while, as learning these things can be difficult, so show some patience. But you must get ready to take more serious actions, this can't go on. He hurts you, you point it out, and nothing changes, so he has no incentive to change his ways. But it's not up to you to educate him. Don't threaten to leave him - just leave him.
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QuestionHow do I confront someone who calls me fat?Community AnswerReply with a big smile and say: "that's a fact" or "true, and, why is it a problem?", "if you say so..." or "I couldn't care less about your unwanted opinion on my body". If it comes from family members concerned about your weight because it has actual consequences for you, this is caring as long as they are willing to support you consistantly to change, otherwise this is just blaming and could be considered abusive.
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QuestionHow do I confront someone about lying about having an STI?Community AnswerStop all contact. You cannot trust the person. A person who would do this to you is not a friend. You can't trust this person to care if you live or die with a permanent disease. It's your choice, but I would not allow someone else to gamble with my life and future like that. Take care of yourself. The next time could be worse.
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QuestionHow do I confront my friend if they're slowly replacing me? Should I be mad or forgive them?Community AnswerIt happens and it's sad. Friends can grow apart, even when you're older it happens. It hurts every time, but it's going to happen to everyone at some point with some friends. I would be forgiving and concentrate on finding other friends who I had things in common with or enjoyed talking to. Remember that you too will drift away from some friends and gravitate to new people also. Life is fleeting and you can be thankful for the good times you had with those friends who drifted away.
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