Expert Q&A for How to Deal With Parents That Show Favouritism

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  • Question
    Do parents favor the younger child?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    This can vary from family to family, but it is common for a younger child to get more attention. However, favoritism usually has roots in the parent's own preferences, dreams, and their own upbringing. For example, maybe in their own family, the girls were not favored, so a parent unconsciously or consciously favors their female child(ren).
  • Question
    Is favoritism illegal in school?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    Favoritism in the classroom is not a good or productive educational strategy. Unfortunately, it sometimes exists. Teachers sometimes value the students who do not cause problems and always complete their work. It only becomes illegal when a teacher actually changes a favorite student's test score or grade.
  • Question
    What is parental favoritism?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    Parental favoritism is when a parent (or parents) treats or reacts differently to two different children in similar situations. They do this repeatedly over time and it is apparent to other people involved in the interactions. It usually always has negative consequences for both the favored and unfavored child.
  • Question
    How do you deal with unfair parents?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    Make a list of the ways in which you think your parents are unfair to you. Pick a time to talk when you can be alone with your parent in a calm setting. Don't lose your temper or yell. List your concerns or complaints. Try to use phrases like "It seems to me," instead of "You are unfair." Make sure you hear your parent out when they respond.
  • Question
    I have a brother who is much older than I am. I struggle with the fact that my parents expect so little from him and so much from me. What do I do?
    Tasha Rube, LMSW
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    This would be a great opportunity to have a heart-to-heart adult conversation with your parents about how you feel. Remember that you are viewing their “leniency” from the perspective of your own eyes. Make sure you know all the facts first before approaching the conversation with them, and do your best to hear their side of the story before making a judgment about their behavior.
  • Question
    How do you get what you want?
    Tasha Rube, LMSW
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    If there is something you want, then it is be your responsibility to go out there and pursue it. If it is something your parents have the capability to provide, then ask for it. All good things come with the responsibility of hard work and perseverance.
  • Question
    What if your parents aren't open to discussion and they don't want to talk about it?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    You can try being very careful with your language. If they still don't listen, try confiding in another adult family member. Family relationships are tough, and it can happen that some parents are not objective.
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