Q&A for How to Deal With Racist Parents

You can explain to her that both your Asian and white heritage are crucial parts of your identity. Let her know that her comments are hurtful and that you would appreciate it if she refrained from making them.

It is racist, by definition, because it is a belief that discriminates among people solely on the basis of race and forgets that everyone has a right to determine where and how they live in favor of a segregationist worldview.

You can start by educating your parents about how race should not influence your relationship choices. Consider introducing your girlfriend to them, so they can see her as an individual, though be cautious as this might not go as planned. Highlight qualities your girlfriend has that align with your parents' values. However, be prepared for the possibility that their views may not change.

You could try to educate them, though that doesn't always work and you may be left disappointed. I do suggest just saying nice things about your friends every once in a while. Maybe if they ever meet, tell your friends to be extra nice and polite. Although saying, "They're not all bad" isn't the best argument, it might be the best starting point.

Show them some statistics supporting your stance from reliable sources. Tell them that race is not something you can control, and thus is a very unhelpful way of judging someone.

You should be able to convince them by finding legitimate statistics from reliable sources. Try a site like Google Scholar to find reputable, peer-reviewed, academic sources.

Your parents' views may be based on ignorance, but they can't control your choices once you're an adult. While you live under their roof, you might need to follow their rules, but you can still express, politely and respectfully, that you find their views closed-minded.

A good response to offensive jokes can be to pretend you don't understand the joke and ask them to explain it. This is a way to make them think about the assumptions and stereotypes in the joke, and to get them to directly think about their own racism.

Your friend isn't his parents and in fact, he may well be mightily embarrassed by them too but can't do anything about them until he's an adult. Even then, it's pretty hard to tell your parents to behave differently. Talk to him about it. For now, you don't have to go to his house if his parents are discriminating against you and instead, you could try to arrange him coming over to your house or both of you could go somewhere else. Tell him that you're not comfortable with the comments his parents are making and you don't feel comfortable around them, but that you still want to be his friend. He may well get it.