Q&A for How to Discreetly Find out if Someone You Know Is Gay

If it's not safe for you to come out, don't do it. I know that there is a lot of pressure to come out and be yourself, but if you won't be safe, it's best to wait. If you really need to talk to someone, there are websites out there that can help. Tumblr is a good one. You could also talk to a friend in real life, if you know you can trust them.

Understand that some girls are straight, and that rejection is inevitable for everyone, even for straight people. Obviously it will be easier if you know a girl is queer, but if you don't know, you don't have to ask her outright. Make a flirtatious remark or two, casually touch her, see how she reacts. If she flirts back, then go ahead and ask. Remember, most likely the worst thing that will happen is she will tell you she's not interested. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Just tell them no. If he has a boyfriend, ask if he is okay with your friends knowing that. If he is, then you can tell them he has a boyfriend. But don't feel you need to explain any further.

If you ask him out, that isn't the same as assuming he is gay. After all, that is why you are ASKING him. It's true he might get offended anyway if he's homophobic or just afraid of people thinking or knowing that he's gay, so it might be a good idea to ask him in private so he won't be embarrassed (and so you won't be as embarrassed if he says no).

Maybe. Or the ring could have another meaning to him. You can ask him if the ring means anything important to him.

Your friend may be gay, or he may be teasing your husband, or he may just be very friendly. If the comments seem odd to you, or you find them upsetting, have a conversation with your friend about appropriate boundaries.

If you don't feel like you can trust him to tell you the truth, then you should not marry him anyway.

Spend more time with this person and get to know him better before you ask him out. Then you will avoid any awkward moments.

Observe him. He might be showing little signs so you don't get surprised by it. Also, don't pressure him to tell you. The more you do, the more likely he'll deny it. And while you think you need to know, this isn't about you, it's about him. Sometimes he might not know it himself, so don't force him. If all else fails, sit him down in a nice, relaxed room. Set the mood, then ask him. If he is, support him. He might be scared that something will change, no child wants that. If he isn't, continue on. At least you know.

Being gay is not something you choose to be. If you are gay, you are gay, regardless of your age. The decision to come out might be better accepted by your family and friends if you wait a few years.

If you feel attraction to both genders, then you are bisexual. Keep in mind that bisexuality doesn't mean there is an equal attraction, though. More often than not there is a gender preference. If you aren't sure that you're bisexual because you rarely feel attracted to the opposite sex, as long as there is some attraction, you're probably bisexual.

Probably not, assuming you are a woman. Some men are just into bottoms. He is into your bottom, not a man's bottom, after all. However, it is also possible that he's gay but doesn't want to admit it or live accordingly. You could ask him about it.

You are absolutely right, but unfortunately some people see being gay as a sin, whilst others think it is gross and unnatural for two of the same gender to love each other. They may be the same person, but sadly some people hate homosexuals so much that they dislike the person if they find out they are gay.

In casual conversation, bring up topics about gay people and see what he says. If he reacts positively, you could ask him if he's ever thought he was gay. Worst case scenario he will say he isn't gay.

Good-looking men exist in all subsets of males. There are really good-looking men who happen to be gay, bi etc., and really good-looking men who happen to be straight - but they're not good looking because of their sexual orientations.

No way to know for sure. You can try coming out to her and see how she responds. Maybe she will come out in return. Or you can just ask her out.

There's no way to know for sure based on that description, but it certainly sounds like he's flirting with you.

You need to decide when you feel comfortable sharing that part of yourself with others. Find out your parents stance on LGBT rights or talk to some out of the closet friends. But know that your parents love you no matter what, and your true friends will support you. It can be hard gaining the courage to just say it, but it will become easier after a couple of people.

It's normal for teenagers to be interested in older people of their preferred gender. You may find older girls more aesthetically and/or sexually attractive, which is very common. You may be interested in them because you find their maturity attractive (it's very common for teens to date people a few years older for this reason, especially younger teens). However, before making the decision to date or have a romantic/sexual relationship with an older girl, make sure that you won't be taken advantage of and that you are both on the same page for expectations. For instance, older people may want a sexual relationship, which you may not be ready for. Communication is key.

You may be misinterpreting him staring at you as a romantic gesture. I've been there, I understand what that's like. If he says he's straight, he's either telling you the truth, or he's not ready to come out yet. Either way, you shouldn't pursue him romantically. If he was interested, he wouldn't have told you he was straight.

If you're close, and you feel like there might be a connection, then let him know how you feel. It's the only way to know. However, be aware that there is always the chance that the outcome is not what you'd want it to be.

While it's commonly believed that homophobic people are secretly gay, this isn't usually the case. It sounds more like your boyfriend just doesn't like gay people, or perhaps had a bad experience with a gay person. If I were you, I would just say something like, "I've noticed you always get irritated when I bring up LGBTQ issues, do you have a problem with gay people?" See what he says and go from there.

Confide it to them gently. Being told that who you love is gay is a hard thing to hear. Since most likely you are not out yet, this would be the best time to prepare yourself to come out because when you do tell them, it is more than likely they will tell more people. Especially if you're in a high school. Do not be brash about it and be caring and be there for them too. If you don't want anyone to know, just say that you're not interested in them as more than a friend––the old friend-zoning trick.

If they don't know that you're gay, you can start by telling them that you are, and see how they react.

There are apps and online communities, and if that someone is a member, well, then you know. Failing that, there isn't really a general way, it will depend on the specific person. You can observe their behavior, get to know them better or at least spend some time with them in a casual conversation.

Tell them as nicely as possible that you care deeply about them, but don't feel the same way. Ask if you can still be friends, and treat them the same way you would someone of the opposite gender that asked you out.

Yes, for gay men and women a thumb ring and for asexual people a black ring on the middle finger. However, as with all things in life, don't make assumptions, for a ring isn't needed and not every person finds this signifying ring positioning to have any specific meaning.

Though it is not "normal" in the sense that most people are not gay, it is not wrong to be gay, and plenty of gay people live perfectly "normal" lives.

It's best to talk about it with him. Bring up the topic and see how he responds. As an alternative, you can ask him to hang out as friends and get to know him better.

This is a painful situation to be in, so make sure you're tending to your feelings. First, keep in mind that he can still love you back, so don't give up on love. Second, talk to your husband so you both understand what you expect from the marriage and what you're both willing to do to make it work. Additionally, it may also help to see things from his perspective. Being gay is part of his identity, and he may feel like he had to deny that part of himself to please his family. You are both likely hurting, but you can be there to support each other.