Q&A for How to Escape the Friend Zone

It sounds like you’ve done all that you can do. You were brave enough to let her know how you feel and she was brave by sharing her feelings honestly with you as well. You can’t make someone feel something for you or anyone else. Your job now is to focus on your friendship if you think you can still maintain it, focus on loving yourself, and look for other potential mates who are interested in you for you.

No way! You were honest and authentic which is the most anyone can ever want to be. You were brave in letting her know how you feel, but it stinks that she doesn’t feel the same way. It sounds as if she’s scared or having a hard time knowing what to do after learning how you felt. You can always let her know that you’d still like to be friends and that you’re totally clear on what the boundaries are now and won’t try to pursue anything more than friendship with her. This might help her to feel more comfortable and let down her guard in order to maintain the friendship. But it might not. If it doesn’t, then it’s time to take your brave-self and seek out other friends or other potential romantic relationships where you can be honest and open and receive acceptance in return.

This is a warning that your friend isn't taking you seriously and is possibly using you. The next guy she really fancies who comes along may cause her to leave your side for good. Determine the boundaries with her by asking where the two of you stand and if it's not clear, end the relationship unless she can clearly state how she feels about you.

Maybe, but you're only keeping yourself stuck there. Unless you're content to just remain friends, one of you will eventually have to make the first move. What are you waiting for?

When you've talked to your friend about your feelings, or things have escalated on their own, and it's understood that you've become something more than friends. It may take time for your relationship to develop into a romantic one, but if your efforts are being returned, it most likely means you're no longer relegated to the friend zone.

That's a very understandable fear. You don't want to ruin the friendship, but the fact is it's already undergoing changes if your feelings of friendliness have turned into feelings of romantic desire. There's no guarantee that you friend will reciprocate your interest, but you'll be just as unhappy if you go on feeling the way you do without acting on it.

Try asking her if she likes anybody to get a glimpse into her dating life. You could also get her to open up about the kind of guys she likes, then drop hints that you might be her type.

If you can't make things progress the way you want, take a step back and focus on your friendship for now. It may be that your friend is uneasy with the new type of attention you've been showing him. There's nothing you can do to make him feel differently. If he seems like he isn't interested in remaining friends, you might be better off moving on and forgetting about him.

Sounds like you need to do a little soul-searching. Think hard about whether or not you actually have feelings for this guy before telling him. Then, if/when you do talk to him, tell him up front that no matter what he feels in return, your friendship is important to you and you want to remain close. If you really like him, just be honest about your concerns. Everything will work out.

Very possibly. Try instigating the next round of playful touching and see how he responds. If he enjoys it, it could mean that he likes you back.

You'll have to let your actions, and your words, show your true intent. Focus on courting her and showing her that you want something more than just friendship. You may have to be up front with her if you, if you're really not invested in being friends. She deserves to know so that she can decide what would be best for her.

Focus mainly on your friendship for now. She probably needs time to adjust to the reality that she now knows you're sweet on her. This may take time to evolve in her mind, as it's new to her even if it's old news to you. Keep complimenting her, being a good friend and giving her the space to come around. If she doesn't, you've still got a good friend.

Not at all! In fact, it could be an advantage. Have your mutual friend introduce the two of you and maybe put in a good word. If it works out, you should have no problem staying friends will beginning a new relationship with the other guy. And that way, you'll always have someone to go to for advice.

Just go back to interacting with her the way you did before, and work on suppressing the way you feel for the time being. Remember, your relationship is valuable, so you shouldn't let it suffer because she doesn't want the same things you do. Accept her decision and let your friendship take priority.

Work up to it. Start small by laying your hand on your friend's shoulder when you're talking, giving them a playful shove or inviting them to hug you when you say goodbye. As touching becomes a more regular occurrence between you, it will start to feel more natural, and your friend may come to crave more. Just make sure you know what's an acceptable way to show physical affection and what isn't.

If she's overtly affectionate with you, chances are she has feelings for you. Things may not be going well with her boyfriend, or she may be showing you that type of attention because she wants to receive it in return. Take some time to gauge the situation, then talk to her about it if you think the time is right.

Sounds like it. She may just not be ready to have feelings for someone else yet. The best thing to do for now would be to respect her wishes. It may be that things will change in the future and she'll open up to the idea of having a relationship with you.

If he or she stops talking to your or hanging out with you as much, seems reluctant to return physical affection, or gets awkward when you discuss your feelings for them, they may want to keep things on a friendly level. Pull back for a while and don't come on as strong. Let them decide how they want to proceed, and be prepared to accept their decision.

Just as it sounds. She may not know exactly how she feels about you yet, or she could be so busy focusing on other things that she doesn't have the time to devote to a relationship. Give her some space to take care of her responsibilities and let her make up her mind. If she likes you back, there will be plenty of opportunities for the two of you to get closer once things slow down a bit for her.

Offer her the help she needs. If you care about her, you should want her to be happy, even if it's she's not with you. When she sees that you're good with relationship situations, she may even come to see you as someone she could see herself being with.

Try to take her aside and talk things over privately. You don't want to put her on the spot by asking her in front of a bunch of people, and she'll feel more comfortable giving you an honest answer if you speak to her one-on-one.

Notice if she is touching you more often. If you are interested in her, try flirting with her a little, and see how she reacts. You can also ask her if there's anyone she has a crush on, and see if she smiles or maybe gets evasive. If you're interested in her, you can take up an offer to go to dinner with her, and see how it goes from there.

If you're feeling brave, put your arm around him, smile, and say "Maybe we would!" You can test the waters by flirting with him a little and see how he reacts (awkwardly pleased, or just awkward?). This can help you gauge whether he's interested, too.

Probably that she considers you a valuable friend. Many girls say "I have a boyfriend" to pre-emptively set a boundary that they aren't looking for romance (so that, if that's what you want, you know to look for another girl). This girl cares about you platonically and enjoys being your friend. Unless she tells you that she broke up with said boyfriend and begins flirting, you can assume that will stay the same. If you enjoy the friendship, just keep being friends with her.

Mixed signals are a problem. They can be a sign of miscommunication, or uncertainty on her part... and, sometimes, a sign of immaturity or disinterest (and thus not being right for you). You need to talk to her about this. Make "I" statements , and speak gently and sincerely. You could say "I'm feeling confused about your feelings towards me. The other day, you told me to keep chasing you. But I've also noticed my messages going unanswered. Do you want to pursue a relationship together, or are you not interested?" There are lots of potential explanations: she's bad at managing her inbox, she thinks you'd like her playing hard to get, she wants to let you down easy, etc. You won't know until you ask.

Take a deep breath and brace yourself, because this may be hard to hear: he's not into you. He values your friendship, and doesn't want anything beyond that. It's time to stop seeing him as a potential romantic partner. This can be hard, and you're allowed to have feelings about it; give yourself time to cry, punch a punching bag, eat lots of ice cream, or do whatever helps you cope with being turned down. What you do next is up to you: Do you need to take some space while you recover? Do you want to be his best friend? Would spending time with him be painful? Think about it, and feel free to talk to someone about it for advice or support. Being turned down isn't fun, and it helps when there are other people there for you.

She told you how: remain friends. You had a fun time, but her life is too chaotic for her to be able to offer you any commitment. And it may take a very long time for her to sort out that chaos, so waiting around for her to be ready isn't a very viable strategy (and might make her uncomfortable). Respect her wishes, and start looking for romantic options elsewhere. You have two choices: continue being her friend and keep things friendly, or decide that it's too painful and end the friendship. Figure out which one feels right for you.

It's not a good idea to only stay close to a girl in the hopes she'll eventually love you too. If you made your feelings clear and she didn't return them, it's probably best to put some distance between the two of you while you sort out your feelings. If you find that eventually you can be her friend with no extra expectations, that's great! If it's too hard to be just friends with her, though, it's best to turn your attention elsewhere.

This is really sweet! The best relationships happen when you can be friends first. Don't rush things too much—just enjoy spending time together and see what happens.