Q&A for How to Have a Gay or Lesbian Relationship

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What if my school won't let us hug or even touch each other?

Community Answer

If straight people are allowed to hug and touch each other, contact a local lawyer for advice.

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Question

I'm a girl and have never dated a girl before, but whenever I'm with my friend I feel like kissing her. What should I do?

Community Answer

See if she has any romantic feelings for you and what her sexuality is. If she has feelings for you or if she is part of the LGBTQ community, then you could definitely tell her how you feel.

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Question

I'm bisexual, but I want to have a relationship with a man more, why is that?

Community Answer

Bisexuality isn't always 50/50, you just might be more romantically inclined to men.

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Question

What do I do if my girlfriend and I can never see each other?

Community Answer

Well, try to make a plan to be able to see each other at some point in the future, but in the meantime you can call her, email her, FaceTime, Skype, etc.

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Question

How can we keep from crying when we argue with each other?

Community Answer

It's ok to cry during arguments, and holding it in may not be healthy.

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Question

My new girlfriend has been my friend for 3 years, and I've always thought of her as more than that, and same for her about me. Do you think it would be wrong if we kissed on our first date?

Community Answer

Not at all. As long as you're comfortable with each other and are both consenting, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

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Question

How do I kiss a boy if I have never done it before and I am not confident?

Community Answer

Be gentle, focus on softly caressing his lips and don't use too much pressure. Wait until you are making eye contact and cuddling to go in for the kiss.

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Question

What if your parents don't approve?

Community Answer

Some parents need more time to process this news. Find a therapist or a friend you can talk to about this in the meantime. If you know they will not approve, consider waiting until you are independent before telling your parents.

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Question

How do I know if the girl I like is a lesbian, too? Do I ask her what her sexuality is?

Community Answer

If you really want to know, just ask her; it's the easiest way to know. If she is, she'll admire your confidence; if not, don't make a big deal out of it. Simply apologize and move on.

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Question

What's a good idea for a first date if I don't have any money to take her anywhere and my parents won't give me any money? I'm 12.

Community Answer

Go to the park, or invite them over to play video games or watch a movie. You could also just meet at the park and go for a walk. If there is anything going on at school like a dance or a sporting event, you could ask invite her to something like that.

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Question

Can gay people get a permanent relationship like most common straight couples?

Community Answer

Of course. Gay people can have any kind of relationship they want.

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Question

I have a girlfriend and I'm not the "leader". What do I do if I want to kiss her, hold hands, cuddle, etc.?

Community Answer

There shouldn't be any "leader" in a relationship. If she truly loves you, she will accept your affection. Feel free to give it whenever you like, or ask if it would be okay if you're not sure.

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Question

I've fallen in love with my teacher who is 9 years than I am. What should I do?

Community Answer

Let that go. It's illegal for your teacher to have a relationship with you -- pursuing anything could lead to a lot of trouble for both of you.

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Question

How do I know if someone is lesbian when people are so desperate to go out with boys in my school?

Community Answer

Check for signs. She might not be as willing as others, or is shutting off boys constantly. And if you have a crush on her and think she might be lesbian, just ask!

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Question

When is it ok to start kissing in a relationship?

Community Answer

Talk to your partner. Ask her if she is ready to kiss and tell her you'd like to kiss her, then take it from there.

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Question

How can I kiss a girl?

Community Answer

Just like you would kiss a boy. Make sure the girl is OK with being kissed -- consent is important. Also, make sure the situation is appropriate (e.g don't kiss her during a class).

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Question

I'm a bisexual girl. I have a girlfriend and I want to kiss her, but what if I do something wrong and it makes her not want to kiss me again? What should I do?

Community Answer

If it's your first kiss, you should tell her that. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. I would advise you to not use your tongue at first, just put your lips on hers and kiss her. It's pretty unlikely you'll do something she doesn't like. First kisses are always a little awkward, just do what comes naturally and you'll be fine.

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Question

What do I do if a person I like a lot isn't gay?

Community Answer

Move on. It's a waste of time to try to get them like you if you're gay and they're not. Try to meet more gay people, and hopefully you'll find someone interesting soon enough.

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Question

How do I know if she wants to have a threesome?

Community Answer

The only way to find this out is to ask her.

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Question

Do I need to continue my relationship with my boyfriend even if he had a girlfriend?

Community Answer

You don't NEED to do anything. If you want to continue your relationship with your boyfriend, then do it. If you're not comfortable with it, then break up with him. It's entirely up to you.

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Question

Can lesbians have kids?

Community Answer

Yes, but they would have to use artificial insemination to do so. They could also adopt.

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Question

Can I have sex with men if I am male?

Community Answer

Yes, you can have sex with whomever you would like.

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Question

What does it mean if my girlfriend never makes the first move?

Community Answer

She might just be shy. If you're concerned about this, just casually ask her about it.

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Question

How much time do you think is necessary to go from one relationship to another? I'm scared to move on, and and scared that my parents won't approve of the new guy.

Community Answer

As long as you feel comfortable, any amount of time is fine, as long as you no longer have strong feelings for your ex and you're not just jumping into a new relationship because you're scared to be alone. If you're feeling unsure, though, and it sounds like you are, you might want to give it a little more time, for your sake and your new guy's.

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Question

If I'm not gay, but I would like to be, how do I go about it?

Community Answer

You cannot make yourself be gay, just like a gay person cannot make themselves be straight. You can try dating someone of the same gender and see if you like it, but I wouldn't recommend trying to change your sexuality. Just embrace who you are.

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Question

What if my partner is biologically one gender, but identifies as genderqueer? Is it still gay?

Community Answer

It depends on the feelings you both have. If you are male, it's possible that they are attracted to males or masculinity (masexual), but not necessarily gay, the same with females and femininity (womasexual). These things mean they are attracted to masculinty or femininty, but they don't have to actually be that sex. Try to remember, labels are not always helpful. You (and your partner) should feel free to identify however you like.

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Question

How I can tell my friend that I'm gay?

Community Answer

I've shared my sexuality a few different ways. I've texted some people and told others in person. However you choose to do it, being straightforward and blunt is probably the best option. wikiHow also has some articles that can help young people come out as gay.

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Question

How can I find a gay lover?

Community Answer

Go to gay bar or club. Join a gay group. Use an online service. Or ask someone gay you know if they're interested.

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Question

My girlfriend's parents don't know she's gay, but mine know that I am. Should I tell my parents we're dating or wait for her to come out to hers?

Community Answer

It's better to wait for her to come out. People have different comfort levels about their sexuality, based on how they're raised, their personality, or their parents view on homosexuality. Whatever she chooses, support her either way. She'll have to come out eventually.

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Question

My school will not let me kiss or show any type of affection to my gay lover. What should I do?

Community Answer

School is not the place for displays of affection, gay or straight. However misguided, your school is probably trying to keep you from getting harassed and bullied. Send your boyfriend cute love notes in school and leave the physical affection for your own time.

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