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Q&A for How to Know Your Sexuality
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QuestionIs it okay to be unsure about your sexuality?Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.Absolutely—it's definitely okay to be confused about your sexuality. In general, sexuality is very fluid and not always black and white. It's okay to not have a direct answer for what your sexuality is, and it's also okay to explore! See if you're ready to take that next step and see how you feel within that situation. If the experience doesn't feel right to you, you'll at least have a little more clarity.
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QuestionI know I’m not straight but I don’t know what I am. I like guys and girls.NicoTop AnswererIf you are attracted to girls and guys, you're most likely bisexual. Being bisexual means somebody is attracted to only two genders.
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QuestionIs it okay to not want a label? It's really confusing and hard to deal with sometimes.SirenCommunity AnswerOf course. There are some people in the LGBTQ community who don't label themselves and that is completely okay. As long as you're happy with who you are, don't feel that a label is needed.
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QuestionAm I bisexual if the results of two quizzes I took here said I might be?Top AnswererThe quizzes can't tell you for certain. They might give you an idea, or push you in the right direction, but only you can know for certain.
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QuestionI don't know where I stand in the LGBTQ+ community and have tried going without a label but then I don't feel legit/complete. What should I do?Thatonequeerkid42Community AnswerIf you want to look into different labels that you think could describe you, you can do that! You can also just be unlabeled, and it's perfectly valid either way!
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QuestionI have liked girls, guys and one non-binary person. Am I pan or bi?Top AnswererTraditionally, people made the distinction that bisexual meant being attracted to two genders and pansexual means being attracted to all genders, but the definition more loose than that. Bisexuality is better defined as being attracted to two or more genders. Some people identify as bisexual even if they are attracted to all genders, but gender still plays an important part in their sexuality. So in the end, it's up to you which if you feel bisexual or pansexual fits you better (omnisexual and polysexual are other sexualities you may want to look into). Of course, it's okay to use more than one label, or not label yourself at all.
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QuestionWhat do you say when someone asks if you are gay and you don’t know?Top AnswererIt's up to you. You could simply say that you don't know, or that they are not entitled to that information. It depends on how comfortable you are with this person.
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QuestionDoes watching lesbian porn make me a lesbian?Top AnswererIt could be a sign, but not always. Many people watch porn that doesn't align with their sexuality. Pornography isn't real life, people may watch porn for the fantasy. Instead you should focus on what you want in real life. Who are you attracted to when you are not watching porn?
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QuestionI like mostly girls so am I lesbian or bi?Top AnswererLesbians generally are attracted exclusively to girls (or on some cases non-binary people whose gender is close to female). Many bisexual people have a preference for one gender over another, so if you are attracted to more than one gender, but mostly girls, you could still be bi.
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QuestionHow do I come out to a very anti-LGBTQ family?Thatonequeerkid42Community AnswerIf your safety, well-being, or living situation would be put in danger by coming out to them, it would probably be best to wait until you're more independent before coming out. If you are independent enough, before coming out you should try to anticipate how they will react when they learn you're LGBTQ+.
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QuestionI'm feeling really confused right now. I may be bisexual but I've never really had crushes. Someone asked me to date them. I said yes because I felt bad, but I don't actually know if I really love them.Thatonequeerkid42Community AnswerYou could be on the asexual or aromantic spectrum. If you aren't interested in dating someone, you should let them know that you aren't interested. You could also be cupioromantic. Look into labels until you find one that's right for you.
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QuestionI'm female by birth and gender & have only dated cis-men but silently having female crushes along the way, a few very significant. I don't let myself think on it much but I'm not sure that's healthy?Thatonequeerkid42Community AnswerYou could be bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, or heteroflexible. There's nothing wrong with you, and you're not alone!
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QuestionWhy do my "friends" bully me for being pansexual?Thatonequeerkid42Community AnswerThey could be queerphobic/panphobic, or they might not understand what that really means. If your "friends" don't support who you are, find people who do.
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QuestionIs it okay if I realize in a few years that I'm not bisexual?CaramelCommunity AnswerYes. Sexuality changes over time. You might slowly experience less or more attraction to certain genders as you get older.
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QuestionCan teenagers be asexual?CaramelCommunity AnswerAny age can be asexual. Though, people don't tend to understand sexualities and whether they experience attraction to people or not until they are either pre-teens or teens.
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QuestionI'm not attracted to anyone or anything. Why?CaramelCommunity AnswerYou might be aromantic and asexual. That's okay. You could make the most of it with platonic relationships.
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