Q&A for How to Not Lose Your Girlfriend

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How do I get my girlfriend to tell me what's wrong?

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist

Expert Answer

If you ask her what's wrong and she says nothing, it means she's either not ready to talk about it or there's just really nothing wrong. If you still feel like there's a problem, though, you might say something like, "It would help me to know if there is something that's bothering you so I don't feel like it's all in my head, but it's okay if you don't really want to talk about it right now."

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Question

My girlfriend started to ignore me and my apologies after I accidentally didn't notice she was calling for my attention because I was busy. What should I do?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor based in Wisconsin. She specializes in addictions, mental health problems, and trauma recovery. She has worked as a counselor in both community health settings and private practice. She also works as a writer and researcher, with education, experience, and compassion for people informing her research and writing subjects. She received Bachelor’s degrees in Communications and Psychology from the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay. She also earned an MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

The best way to fix things with her is to keep apologizing and show her you'll be more attentive in the future. Then, ask her to tell you more about what she expects from you so you will know what to do moving forward. If she still refuses to talk to you, it may be a sign she doesn't value the relationship as much as you do.

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Question

I just had a talk with my girlfriend of 3 years, and she said that she is almost sure we cant go on, I begged her to give us another chance to let me show her I can make her happy. I'm on edge, please help. What can I do?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor based in Wisconsin. She specializes in addictions, mental health problems, and trauma recovery. She has worked as a counselor in both community health settings and private practice. She also works as a writer and researcher, with education, experience, and compassion for people informing her research and writing subjects. She received Bachelor’s degrees in Communications and Psychology from the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay. She also earned an MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Although you might love her, it's not your responsibility to make her happy. Ask her to explain her reasons for not wanting to stay together, but listen in order to understand what happened, not try to beg her to get back together. Her reasons might be connected to something you did, but they might not be. Asking will bring you clarity, however. If she doesn't want to stay together, you'll need to respect her decision.

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What do you do when your girlfriend dances with another guy, this is something is a no in my book?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor based in Wisconsin. She specializes in addictions, mental health problems, and trauma recovery. She has worked as a counselor in both community health settings and private practice. She also works as a writer and researcher, with education, experience, and compassion for people informing her research and writing subjects. She received Bachelor’s degrees in Communications and Psychology from the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay. She also earned an MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

If you told her you didn't want her to dance with other guys before she did it, think about what you told her would happen if she danced with someone else. For example, did you say you'd need some space to think things through? If you gave her a consequence, you can follow through on it. However, if you never told her that you didn't want her to dance with someone else, then you'll need to talk to her and explain your feelings. Let her know that you'd rather she didn't dance with other guys.

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