Q&A for How to Overcome Trust Issues in a Relationship

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Can you ever get over trust issues?

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Psychotherapist

Expert Answer

Yes. If you put the time in and you're willing to do some self-reflection, then there's no reason you can't get over this. Remember, it can take a while for you to completely past this. Don't get discouraged if there are some setbacks along the way; change like this doesn't happen overnight.

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Question

How can I check my girlfriend's loyalty?

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Psychotherapist

Expert Answer

The fact that you're asking this at all is a sign that there's a deeper underlying problem in your relationship. I would highly recommend talking to your girlfriend and just opening up about your insecurity and her trustworthiness. This isn't going to get any better if you're scheming for tricks to test your girlfriend's loyalty.

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Question

How do you build trust in a relationship?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

You build trust in a relationship by being honest even about difficult things. You can also build it by apologizing when you hurt your partner and by always prioritizing them and their needs.

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Question

Can trust issues ruin a relationship?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Trust is central to relationships, especially long-term ones. So it follows that a break in trust can indeed have serious implications. It is important to first understand that a breach in trust is very serious, and it is important to be willing to put in the time to attempt to repair the trust over time. It is not a matter of a simple apology. Ask your partner, "What do you need from me to repair our trust issue?"

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Question

What does it mean when you have trust issues?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Trust issues refer to having had some sort of transgression in the relationship about something very central where one person feels they cannot believe their partner. An example might be a sexual affair with another person or a strong emotional entanglement with another person. It can also mean that repeatedly the truth is not told, and partners cannot count on the other person to do what they say or promise.

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Question

How can I learn to continue to trust my boyfriend after he gave me reasons not to in the beginning of our relationship?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Did you talk out the problems in the earlier part of the relationship? If not, then consider doing so now. If you did, then it might be time to forgive and start again. However, don't be naive; pay attention if your partner keeps their word. Also, try not to be over-controlling because of past errors. If you cannot forgive, then it might be better to end the current relationship.

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Question

I've been having trust issues for a long time. I am controlling and want to know everything. What should I do?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

It sounds like you have some self-awareness--which is a strength to build upon. But it also sounds like you feel powerless to change at this point, and are in a relationship problem again. Consider seeing a therapist who can help you move out of this impasse which you have the insight to recognize

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