Q&A for How to Tell Your Best Friend You "Like Like" Them

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  • Question
    How can I get into the right headspace to tell a friend I like them?
    JT Tran
    Dating Coach
    JT Tran is a Dating Coach and a Dating Advice Columnist for LA Weekly and Baller Magazine. JT also runs the ABCs of Attraction, a dating boot camp where he specializes in coaching Asian men and women on how to navigate the cultural and social sensitivities associated with Asian dating culture. With over ten years of dating coaching experience, JT has presented dating and relationship advice as it relates to cultural issues at Harvard University, Yale University, and the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania. His work has been featured in AsianWeek, New York, NU Asian Magazine, the Huffington Post, Channel News Asia, and Voice of America News TV.
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Shower, listen to some music, do your hair, and put on a really nice outfit. Reframe what you're about to do by reminding yourself that you're the catch, and your friend has something to lose, not you! That way, you'll come into the conversation feeling confident and prepared.
  • Question
    Should you tell your best friend you like them?
    JT Tran
    Dating Coach
    JT Tran is a Dating Coach and a Dating Advice Columnist for LA Weekly and Baller Magazine. JT also runs the ABCs of Attraction, a dating boot camp where he specializes in coaching Asian men and women on how to navigate the cultural and social sensitivities associated with Asian dating culture. With over ten years of dating coaching experience, JT has presented dating and relationship advice as it relates to cultural issues at Harvard University, Yale University, and the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania. His work has been featured in AsianWeek, New York, NU Asian Magazine, the Huffington Post, Channel News Asia, and Voice of America News TV.
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    It depends. If you have a reasonable suspicion that they like you and you're willing to put yourself out there, go for it. If you really value the friendship and you don't know how they'll respond, you may want to not risk it. It's totally up to you, though.
  • Question
    What kind of hints can I give to someone that I like them?
    Community Answer
    Make eye contact when talking, get to know their friends, make conversation and be confident in yourself!
  • Question
    How do I tell my best guy friend I like him?
    Community Answer
    Just do it and get it over with. It will just eat at you until you do. If he likes you, you might have a good relationship on your hands. If he doesn't, that's okay. You'll be able to get over him eventually.
  • Question
    How can I tell my best friend I "like like" him if we never have any alone time?
    Community Answer
    Ask him to walk home or to your next class or lunch with you. An in-person conversation is important so the other person understands exactly what you are saying.
  • Question
    My best friend has been friends with a girl throughout their childhood and may like her more than me. Should I tell him I like him?
    Community Answer
    Think about the highs and lows. If you really want to tell him, make sure it's just the two of you, not near his friends, which would embarrass him. Wait for what seems like the right time and take a deep breath. Don't be surprised if he doesn't return your affections. But, who knows? You admitting this to him might make him like you more.
  • Question
    What if you guys are really close and you don't want anything to happen to that relationship?
    Community Answer
    This will depend on the type of person they are but also on you enforcing clear boundaries. If there are moments when it seems as if the two of you might kiss or reveal deeper feelings, say something to stop this. Put your hand up and say: "I know, I feel it too. But I don't want us to spoil the great friendship we have because it is really great, really special and I want it to last like this for always." That way, you've addressed the elephant in the room, acknowledged that you understand the feelings but have also clarified that you don't want it to get despoiled by anything more intimate.
  • Question
    But what if he or she doesn't like me in that way?
    Community Answer
    Then you have to accept it an move on. You cannot force anyone to feel a certain way. Perhaps in time, he or she will like you back, or perhaps not. If you try to cling to something that is not there, then you will only hurt yourself. You can still continue the friendship, however.
  • Question
    I've been best friends with this guy I have known for five years, and I always had feelings for him. He was always by my side and helped me with depression. I want to start a relationship with him, but I'm afraid that our current friendship will be broken/changed. What can I do?
    Community Answer
    Think about all the things that might happen if he says no or you break up in the future. Things might become different and it becomes awkward if he rejects you. If that happens, are you willing to go and move on with your life and put him in the past and hang out with some girlfriends instead? Or, is he better in your life as the guy you can always rely on, lean on and go to as a brother-like friend? Don't make a mistake of losing such a gem of a friend.
  • Question
    I like my best friend (we're both girls), and she has said she would be okay with experimenting, but I really don't know where she stands. How could I see if she feels the same way without being obvious?
    Community Answer
    If you have any gay friends, you could start talking about them, and toss out a few flirtatious jokes.
  • Question
    Should I keep it a secret that I like a boy whose girlfriend is my BFF?
    Community Answer
    Who do you like more, your BFF or her boyfriend? Is it worth losing her friendship over? Your friendship can last your entire lifetime. Any relationship you strike up with this boy probably will not.
  • Question
    What should I do if I like my boyfriend's best friend?
    Community Answer
    You'll obviously have to choose. If you choose the best friend, be gentle when you break up with the boyfriend. The best friend will not like you if you hurt his friend.
  • Question
    I really like my best friend, but I'm afraid to share my feelings because I don't want our friendship to become weird if he rejects me. I honestly think he likes me, but how can I be sure?
    Community Answer
    One thing you could do is joke about it. If he reacts negatively, then he probably doesn't feel the same way. If he acts a little unsure or nervous, he probably does!
  • Question
    My best friend told the person that I like about my feelings, and now I feel betrayed. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    Your friend is just trying to help you. Although it may have been embarrassing, try not to feel betrayed. Instead, try to be grateful. You have a good friend.
  • Question
    I have a huge crush on one of my best friends. I've heard from multiple people that he has a crush on me too. I don't know how to tell him without making him uncomfortable. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Maybe you could just ask him to hang out sometime, without stating directly that it's a date. This gives you guys time to assess your feelings for each other, and see if you're comfortable with the idea of dating. Keep getting closer to each other, see how he responds. Your feelings will continue to grow, or you'll decide to just remain as friends. Just see how it goes, don't put too much pressure on him or yourself.
  • Question
    How do I tell my best friend my feelings when they have feelings for another?
    Community Answer
    Just because they like another doesn't mean they don't like you, too. Try talking with him about how you feel. If he doesn't answer, it's probably because he's trying to figure out if he likes you.
  • Question
    My friend is being mean to me and my other friends. What can I do?
    Community Answer
    It can be tough to deal with this, but if your friend isn't acting like a good friend, then he/she isn't one. If your friend is just being mean to your other friends, but not you, see if you can have a talk with him/her and let him/her know it isn't OK. Sometimes people are fair-weather friends. This means they are only in it for themselves; it is best to avoid these people.
  • Question
    If she is not an open person and I don't know whether she likes me, what can I do?
    Community Answer
    Try being more open with her, and ask subtle questions that slowly allow her to open up a bit more, and if you plan on letting her know that you like her, I would start out with small gestures. If she doesn't get the hint, straight out tell her. Plus, if this person has also been a best friend, you should tell her that you don't want to hurt your friendship, but that you want a more intimate friendship. If all else fails, make a romantic gesture.
  • Question
    How do I tell my friend that I like like them without it blowing up in my face?
    Community Answer
    Tell them honestly how you feel. Let them know that you still want to be friends if they do not feel the same. Keeping it to yourself will only make things harder on you.
  • Question
    I am gay and I like one of my very good friends who also likes girls, but it would be so weird if I told her. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    If she's not with anyone right now, you should just have an honest conversation with her. If she's already your friend, that's a good basis for a relationship. Be prepared for whatever answer she may give you, though, as she might not like you in "that way".
  • Question
    I'm starting to have a crush on my friend who jokes about loving me. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    A first step might be to joke back. A good next step is to hint to him that you have a real crush on someone and see if he can guess who it is. Really, though, if he jokes with you about it, there's a good chance he feels the same way.
  • Question
    My best guy friend that I used to like says that he might like me back now. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    It depends how you feel. Do you not like him anymore? Think about what will happen if you decide you want to date. Will it make you happy?
  • Question
    I have known and liked this guy for a long time. I don't want to hurt our friendship, but I would at least like to know if he likes me too. What should I do?
    Community Answer
  • Question
    I only look people that I really care about in the eye, and everyone knows that. If I look my crush in the eye, will that help? She is one of my closest friends and is probably straight.
    Community Answer
    It could. Making a lot of eye contact is a great way to send the message that you like someone, but keep in mind that it's not the most direct way. There's a chance your friend will not notice or just assume that you're making eye contact because you're good friends.
  • Question
    I think another guy likes her but hasn't told her. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    Just talk to the guy you think likes her. It might be awkward, but it's the best way to know for sure.
  • Question
    He's my best friend and I fancy him, but he was with another one of my close friends. I liked him first, but I kept quiet. They broke up and have been split for over 6 months, but I don't know what to do. What can I do?
    Community Answer
    Talk to your friend to see if she still likes him. If she doesn't, then you're all set. If she does, then you'll just have to let her get over it.
  • Question
    What if he's my best friend's ex? She has moved on and is now in another relationship.
    Community Answer
    Get to know him, then give him little hints. Once you are very close, tell him.
  • Question
    What if he likes me but isn't ready for a relationship?
    Community Answer
    You just have to accept the fact that he isn't ready. Maybe one day he will be, and maybe that will be your chance to hook up with him! Until then, find another relationship or wait patiently and enjoy your friendship.
  • Question
    How do I know if a friend likes me?
    Community Answer
    You can ask them directly, as that is the best way of finding out what their true feelings are for you.
  • Question
    I like my friend, whom I've known all my life. My brother is also friends with him, and is constantly around. How do I get him alone to tell him?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    I would suggest you rethink this. What do you expect will happen once you get him alone and you tell him? That he'll take you in his arms, you'll passionately kiss, and all will be bliss for the rest of your life? It's very likely not going to go that way, but if you keep working on this, you will get there. People's feelings for each other are usually not at the same level from the start. So instead of telling him, just flirt a little, send a smile, let him know you like him. As a bonus, you don't have to wait until you're alone. Go slow, give him time.
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