Hi! I am a victim of bullying and have been encountering this for more than a couple months. I have tried everything including reporting an adult to reporting this to the school where kids my age are constantly making rude comments about me and giving me nasty smiles as I pass by the school hallways. I really tried ignoring these things but it has been extremely difficult especially since majority of my classmates and friends side with my bully and even the teachers side with her especially since she is good-looking with a high GPA and great at sports whereas I have a 3.7 GPA. How do I smile when I absolutely have no friends in any of my classes?? How do I fake smile and look at my enemy and her entourage without angry eyes showing signs of defeat?? If anyone has any suggestions please let me know. If not thats okay too since I only have a couple months before school is over…
Ouch. I’ve been in a situation similar before and it’s really hard - I understand. How to Deal With Bullies
and our other articles on handling bullying might be a good resource for you, if you haven’t read them.
Unfortunately, things like verbal bullying and mean looks are hard to prove short of recording them, and you could potentially get in legal trouble for recording those things depending on where you are. (For example, California is a two-party consent state, so if you took an audio recording of someone calling you names, you would actually get in trouble for that if the other person didn’t know they were being recorded.) And in my experience, those in a position of authority will tend to favor the person who isn’t “making a scene” so to speak. Unfortunately, that often means that someone who reports bullying gets brushed off or told that they’re overreacting.
I’m assuming you’re in middle or high school. Here’s what I’d suggest:
- Document every single interaction between you and the bully, no matter how small it is. If she sends you cruel messages online or over social media, screenshot them. If she makes a snide remark at you or “accidentally” pushes you in the halls, write it down (including who was there, including others who could serve as witnesses or bystanders, and where you were) and write down what time it happened. Does your school have security cameras? They might be able to capture any physical altercations if those are occurring (though if she’s just the subtle verbal-bullying type, cameras might not help). Having a list of these things occurring proves that it’s a long-running pattern and isn’t just one or two incidents.
- You haven’t said anything about this, but I’ll throw it in anyway. If you’re being physically harmed, report it. Request to get an incident report (or whatever your school’s equivalent is) filled out. If they refuse, document this. If you’re left with evidence of physical altercations (bruises, cuts, broken bones, etc.), report it. You may want to take physical fighting to the police if nothing is being done.
- Escalate the issue. The teachers don’t believe you, so take it to the next person in line - the principal, I would guess. If the principal isn’t doing anything, take it higher. Get your parent(s) or guardian(s) involved, too, so they can support you in this. Escalate it as high as you need to in order to get something done.
- Do not interact with the bully or anyone else who’s bullying you. I can’t stress this enough - it hurts a lot to have to just sit there silently while they’re bothering you, but the second you start fighting back in any way, if the school administration doesn’t like you, they will immediately view you as the instigator, especially if they’re using one of those “no-tolerance policy” rhetorics. If you’re giving the bully no reason to instigate anything with you, it becomes very difficult to blame you for what the bully is doing. (Personally, I wouldn’t even look the bully’s way, but I know that’s much easier said than done.)
- Don’t try to publicly “out” the bully for what they’ve done. It can sound good in the moment, but it’s just going to make you look like the bad guy and will end up ostracizing you.
- Prevent interactions with the bully. Block numbers and social media accounts that are being used to harass you. Take alternate routes to classes. Don’t frequent areas that they go to (for example, if you know this girl likes to spend time at the mall with her friends, don’t go to the mall).
I’m not sure what your school offers, but I know that in my district, they offer what are essentially school-level restraining orders, where students are required to sign a form stating that they won’t interact or come within a certain distance of another student. It usually requires several previous incidents with the students in question, though.
- Give yourself other things to do. It sucks to have no friends on your side, it really does, but if you can keep yourself busy, you’ll be able to get through it. Take up hobbies that you enjoy or that you’ve been meaning to pursue, study a little more, and so forth. It doesn’t stop the bullying, but it can take your mind off it when you catch yourself stressing over it outside of school.
If the bullying is resulting in really severe effects for you (self-harm, suicidal intent, or signs of a mental health issue such as depression or acute/post-traumatic stress disorder) and absolutely none of that helps, I’d try to push for changing schools, but that’s not an option for everybody.
Good luck. There are people who support you, and we’re rooting for you!
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I agree with Galactic Radiance on that one… I had the same thing but unfortunately British laws a bit funny and the local council are a bunch of lazy bums who don’t do much for their community at all… I endured it for the whole time and survived somehow… mainly cuz I moved schools.
If you can get out of that school and into another one, that will also help but this might be more difficult than recording and reporting alone…
My current problem is discrimination against Autistic people and other similar disorders
Thank you so much @Galatic
Radiance, @Amazing_Natalie
, and @WarriorofEden
. I truly appreciate your support.
