11 Signs That the Man You’re Chatting With Online is Married

Look for these clues in his dating profile and behaviors

Co-authored by Bertha Isabel Crombet, PhD Reviewed by John Keegan

Last Updated: August 4, 2025 References

You’ve decided to take a leap of faith by downloading a dating app. Before you know it, you match with a seemingly perfect guy who says all the right things. So, why, then, do you still have a weird feeling that something is off? Your gut might be trying to warn you, showing you all the red flags that possibly point to one thing: he’s not single. If you’re trying to figure out whether Mr. Right is actually Mr. Married Sleazebag, keep reading for signs to watch out for, including valuable insights from dating coaches and relationship experts.

Signs a Man is Married on Dating Apps

According to dating coach John Keegan, photos that are blurry, dark, or otherwise disguise his identity are red flags. If his profile is vague and he won't share his last name or his social media, he may be married. Married men may also only call at odd hours and always dictate the time and place you meet.

1

His photos are blurry or dark.

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He may be trying to disguise himself or hide his identity. When people make online dating profiles, they usually pick the best, most flattering pictures of themselves that they can find. If the guy you’re chatting with only has a couple of photos and they look grainy or dark, that’s not a good sign. He might be hoping that it’s enough to hide his face from people who might know him. ^{[1]
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- His profile might also not contain a photo at all, which presents another issue.
- Dating coach John Keegan says, “When their pictures aren't really clear about who they are and they're these obscured filtered pictures, it's a red flag in the sense that “this person isn't representing the truth to you.” ^{[3]
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  John Keegan
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Meet the wikiHow Experts

John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker with over 15 years of professional experience.

Crista Beck is a Dating and Relationship Coach and Matchmaker with over a decade of experience.

Renee Slansky is a Dating, Relationship, and Life Coach, acting as a global dating advisor to several of the largest online publications and dating platforms in the world.

2

His profile doesn’t have much personal info.

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People take out identifying information so they don’t get caught. When you check out his online profile, does it include his full name, where he lives, and what he likes to do for fun? Or is it pretty bare-bones, with just his name and not much else? If that’s the case, he might be trying to hide his identity from a spouse or anyone who could stumble across his profile and rat him out to his hypothetical wife. ^{[4]
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- This is especially true if he seems cagey or nervous about revealing too much information about himself.

3

He won’t tell you his last name.

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A single guy should have no problem telling you his full name. On some dating sites, you only have to provide a first name. If you ask this guy for his last name and he avoids the question, that doesn’t bode well for him. It most likely means he doesn’t want you to look him up and discover that he’s married. Dun-dun. ^{[5]
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- Knowing someone’s last name is also a safety issue. If he hasn’t told you his full name before you meet up, think twice about going to see him. There's no good reason for a person to hide their identity.

4

He doesn't have a social media presence.

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Most dating sites give you the option to link to Instagram or Facebook. If your guy doesn’t do that, it’s not necessarily a red flag on its own—maybe he just doesn’t like social media. But, if you ask to follow him on social media and he simply says “no,” he could be up to no good, especially if it’s combined with other suspicious behavior.
- Dating coach Crista Beck suggests that you do a little sleuthing of your own since most married men have photos of their spouses and kids on social media. She says, “On social media, you can see whether or not they have pictures of themselves and their spouse together,” and advises that you “check for wedding rings.” ^{[6]
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  Expert Interview}

5

His communication is inconsistent.

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He might be reaching out when he’s at work or away from his spouse. It's a bit suspicious if you get texts or messages from him during very specific times. For example, a married man might talk to you frequently during the day (when he’s at work) but go radio silent at night. He might also only call you when he’s alone on his drive home.
- Dating coach Renee Slansky explains the dangers of these inconsistencies: “Whatever they are inconsistent in will reveal their character.” She notes that behaviors like “not calling back, always making up excuses, not following through”— all of these behaviors show that “things aren't lining up.” ^{[7]
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  Expert Interview}

6

He’s only available at odd hours.

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If you propose a time to hang out on the weekend and he shoots you down, that’s a red flag. Single people usually have no problem clearing out a Saturday or a Sunday, but a married man would have a hard time sneaking away. It's also a bit unusual if he repeatedly asks you out on weeknight dates. ^{[8]
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7

He dictates the time & place of meetups.

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Single guys tend to be more flexible with their schedules. You may want to take a step back if he always controls where and when your dates take place. He might be a married man, but it could also indicate that he’s a controlling person in general. A married guy will pick places where he won't be spotted by anyone he knows. For example, it's a bit suspicious if you suggest a spot that’s close to him and he immediately shoots you down.
- Keegan cautions against not meeting in a public place: “If you match with someone on a dating app, and then say, ‘Let me just come over to your place. Where do you live?’ Don’t do it. Someone who wants to not meet in a public place is a red flag.” ^{[9]
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- Similarly, if you do meet in a public place and he avoids physical touch or closeness at all costs, it could be that he’s trying to portray a strictly platonic relationship should anyone catch him with you.

8

He never invites you over to his place.

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He might use a “roommate” as an excuse or something else. If he tells you that he has a roommate, he’ll probably be pretty vague about the roommate's personal details. For example, a married man might tell you that he can’t talk because his “roommate” is home, but he never mentions his roommate by name. Or, he might say he has to stay in to help his “roommate,” but he never says why. If you ask about this roommate, he probably won’t tell you their name or offer to introduce you.
- He could also tell you that he prefers staying at your place due to a variety of reasons, such as your tidy upkeep or proximity to his work.
- According to Keegan, “As soon as [you] have to start playing detective, [you’re] done.” He shares that if you find yourself actively trying to “catch them in a lie,” “follow them somewhere,” or are feeling doubts in general, it’s time to realize that “your gut instinct is telling you something isn't right with this person.” ^{[10]
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  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview}

9

His relationship status is “complicated.”

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That may be code for “in a relationship.” If he starts telling you about how wild his love life is right now or the complicated nature of his relationship, it could be a sign that he’s married. People tend to use these phrases when they don’t want to go into detail about their lives. Watch out for men who claim to be “separated,” too. Separation doesn’t equal divorce.
- Beck believes that seeking honesty is the best policy: “My philosophy is to be direct. Ask if they're still in contact with their ex-spouse, if they have kids, etc.” ^{[11]
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  Crista Beck
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  
  Expert Interview} Hopefully, their answer will clear up all of your doubts.

10

He’s reluctant to talk about himself.

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Are you the only one sharing details about your personal life? After you've been chatting for a while, scroll back through your messages to see how much you’ve talked about yourself and compare it to how much he's talked about his own life. A married man will probably be vague and find a way to wiggle out of answering simple questions.
- Keegan notes that the following are red flag behaviors: “If [he’s] being evasive, not really wanting to open up or share about what [he’s] doing in [his] life or share about [his] past or, who isn't really being clear with [his] intentions.” ^{[12]
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  Dating Coach
  
  Expert Interview}
- For instance, if you ask him, “Where did you go to college?” he might reply with something like, “Oh, just a state school in Virginia. What did you major in?”
- Or, if you ask, “What do you do for work?” he may respond with something vague like, “Just computer stuff, it’s pretty boring. How are you liking your job?”

11

He only talks to you about sex.

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Married men looking for flings aren't interested in getting to know you. A married guy looking for a brief affair may ask for sexts or nudes right off the bat and encourage you to meet up soon after. If you're not looking for a hookup, feel free to pump the brakes on your conversation. Beck explains that “if he barely talks to you and only does so when he wants sex,” and he “texts late at night [asking] to come over” instead of taking you on a date, always making excuses for why he can't hang out with you during the day—he could be married. ^{[13]
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Crista Beck
Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Interview}
- Beck adds, “If you want a relationship, you need to let go of someone who is just initiating a sexual connection with you and not investing in you in other ways.” ^{[14]
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  Crista Beck
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  Expert Interview}
- It’s important to note that plenty of single guys are just interested in hookups and some married men want emotional relationships, so this alone isn’t the best indicator. ^{[15]
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Join the Discussion...

How do you know if a guy's single?

John Keegan
Dating Coach

To find out if a guy is single, you can always look at his social media posts and see who he's with, or ask probing questions about his life. You could ask things like, "What do you do?" or "What's your life like during the week?" if you don't want to ask directly.

You can also flirt with him a little bit! Make a few comments like, "You're a really great listener!" or "You're really interesting to talk to!" Then, escalate by asking him to grab coffee with you, or something similar. If he's flirting with you or breaking the touch barrier, these are signs that he's definitely interested in you too. If he's in a relationship, he'll probably mention it then.

If you have some suspicion that he may have a girlfriend, then directly ask at one point. Say something like, "You seem like a really cool guy. Are you seeing anyone?"

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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach

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Crista Beck
Dating Coach & Matchmaker

[7]

Renee Slansky
Dating Coach

[8]

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[11]

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[13]

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11 Signs That the Man You’re Chatting With Online is Married

Signs a Man is Married on Dating Apps

Steps

His photos are blurry or dark.

His profile doesn’t have much personal info.

He won’t tell you his last name.

He doesn't have a social media presence.

His communication is inconsistent.

He’s only available at odd hours.

He dictates the time & place of meetups.

He never invites you over to his place.

His relationship status is “complicated.”

He’s reluctant to talk about himself.

He only talks to you about sex.

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