This article was reviewed by John Keegan
and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden
. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
There are 7 references
cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 40,658 times.
You’re chatting with the perfect guy who says all the right things—why, then, do you still have a weird feeling that something is off? Your gut might be trying to tell you that he’s being shady, and it could indicate that he’s not actually single. Read through the signs that Mr. Right might actually be married to learn what to watch out for and when to leave him on read.
Steps
-
He may be trying to disguise himself or hide his identity. When people make online dating profiles, they usually pick the best, most flattering pictures of themselves that they can find. If the guy you’re chatting with only has a couple of photos and they look grainy or dark, that’s not a good sign. He might be hoping that it’s enough to hide his face from people who might know him. [1] X Research source [2] X Research source
- His profile might also not contain a photo at all, which is another red flag.
-
People take out identifying information so they don’t get caught. When you check out his online profile, does it include his full name, where he lives, and what he likes to do for fun? Or is it pretty bare-bones, with just his name and not much else? If that’s the case, he might be trying to hide his identity from a spouse or anyone who could stumble across his profile. [3] X Research source
- This is especially true if he seems cagey or nervous about revealing too much information about himself.
-
A single guy should have no problem telling you his full name. On some dating sites, you only have to provide a first name. If you ask this guy for his last name and he avoids the question, that's a bad sign. It mostly likely means he doesn’t want you to look him up and discover that he’s married. [4] X Research source
- Knowing someone’s last name is also a safety issue. If he hasn’t told you his full name before you meet up, think twice about going to see him. There's no good reason for a person to hide their identity.
-
Most dating sites give you the option to link to Instagram or Facebook. If your guy doesn’t do that, it’s not necessarily a red flag on its own—maybe he just doesn’t like social media. But, if it’s combined with other suspicious behavior, he might be hiding something. Most married men have photos of their spouses and kids on social media.
-
He might be reaching out when he’s at work or away from his spouse. It's a bit suspicious if you get texts or messages from him during very specific times. For example, a married man might talk to you frequently during the day (when he’s at work) but go radio silent at night. [5] X Research source
-
Most married men are busy with their families on the weekend. If you propose a time to hang out on the weekend and he shoots you down, that’s a red flag. Single people usually have no problem clearing out a Saturday or a Sunday, but a married man would have a hard time sneaking away.
- It's also a bit unusual if he repeatedly asks you out on weeknight dates.
-
Single guys tend to be more flexible with their schedules. You may want to take a step back if he always controls where and when your dates take place. He might be a married man, but it could also indicate that he’s a controlling person in general.
- A married guy will pick places where he’s won't be spotted by anyone he knows. For example, it's a bit suspicious if you suggest a spot that’s close to him and he immediately shoots you down.
-
He’ll probably be pretty vague about the roommate's personal details. For example, a married man might tell you that he can’t talk because his “roommate” is home, but he never mentions his roommate by name. Or, he might say he has to stay in to help his “roommate,” but he never says why.
- If you ask about this roommate, he probably won’t tell you their name or offer to introduce you.
-
That may be code for “in a relationship.” If he starts telling you about how wild his love life is right now or the complicated nature of his relationship, it could be a sign that he’s married. People tend to use these phrases when they don’t want to go into detail about their lives.
- Watch out for men who claim to be “separated,” too. Separation doesn’t equal divorce.
-
Are you the only one sharing details about your personal life? After you've been chatting for a while, scroll back through your messages to see how much you’ve talked about yourself and compare it to how much he's talked about his own life. A married man will probably be vague and find a way to wiggle out of answering simple questions. [6] X Research source
- For instance, if you ask him, “Where did you go to college?” he might reply with something like, “Oh, just a state school in Virginia. What did you major in?”
- Or, if you ask, “What do you do for work?” he may respond with something vague like, “Just computer stuff, it’s pretty boring. How are you liking your job?”
-
Married men looking for flings aren't interested in getting to know you. [7] X Research source A married guy looking for a brief affair may ask for sexts or nudes right off the bat and encourage you to meet up soon after. If you're not looking for a hookup, feel free to pump the brakes on your conversation. [8] X Research source
- Plenty of single guys are just interested in hookups and some married men want emotional relationships, so this alone isn’t the best indicator.
Expert Q&A
Tips
- Trust your gut instinct as much as you can. If you feel like something is off, then it probably is.Thanks
You Might Also Like
References
- ↑ https://www.shethepeople.tv/top-stories/opinion/6-signs-the-guy-you-met-on-a-dating-app-is-already-married/
- ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/alysonkrueger/2014/04/30/the-best-ways-to-research-someone-you-meet-online/?sh=725835002cde
- ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/6-things-to-look-out-for-when-online-dating/
- ↑ https://observer.com/2017/11/4-signs-the-person-you-are-dating-is-married-and-cheating/
- ↑ https://www.thecyberhelpline.com/helpline-blog/2020/7/9/7-signs-of-a-catfish
- ↑ https://olc.sfu.ca/blog/online-dating-and-keeping-safe
- ↑ https://www.bonobology.com/the-man-you-are-dating-online-might-be-already-married-here-are-the-signs/
- ↑ https://olc.sfu.ca/blog/online-dating-and-keeping-safe