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It can be difficult to be around someone who likes you if you don’t like them back. They may be making you uncomfortable by their crush on you, but you’ve decided you don’t like them in that way. The most honest and mature way to get someone to stop liking you is to just be direct with them and maintain boundaries. Sometimes people won't listen and you may have to start ignoring them.
Steps
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Be confident in your decision. Make sure you’re certain you really want them to stop liking you. If you’re not sure, you’ll put yourself and the other person through unnecessary pain and send them mixed signals if you change your mind later. Think about why you want to end the relationship and write down your reasons, or talk it over with trusted friends. [1] X Research source
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Set appropriate boundaries. Keep clear boundaries with the other person so you don’t confuse them. [2] X Expert Source JT Tran
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 5 May 2020. This will usually work well enough so that you don’t have to have an uncomfortable conversation, but sometimes even if you try to maintain boundaries they’ll still try to hit on you or make inappropriate comments. Some good boundaries to try out before talking to them are: [3] X Research source- Avoiding touching them or flirting with them.
- Unfollowing them on social media.
- Avoiding spending one-on-one time with them.
- Staying busy with other people and friends.
- Saying “no” to any plans they try to make with you.
- Avoiding sitting next to them at work or in class.
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Don’t force their hand. It might be tempting to try to get them to stop liking you by fighting with them, acting out, or turning them off with bad habits. But that could take a while and will be more painful in the long-run for both you and the person you’re dating. [4] X Expert Source JT Tran
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 5 May 2020. They’ll probably know you’re trying to push them away, so stop playing games and go ahead and talk to them directly! [5] X Research source -
Have a talk in-person. If they don’t respect your boundaries, or can’t seem to take a hint, you’ll need to meet them in-person to talk. Be clear and be firm that you’re not interested. [6] X Expert Source JT Tran
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 5 May 2020. Although it may be uncomfortable to tell them you’re not interested, especially in-person, they’ll be more likely to believe you than if you just send a text message. [7] X Research source- If you really haven’t known the other person for long and haven’t spent much time in-person together, then giving them a call or sending an email would be appropriate. [8] X Research source
EXPERT TIPProfessional School CounselorAlicia Oglesby is an Academic Counseling Expert based in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. She is currently pursuing a PhD in Education at the University of Pittsburgh and working as a Graduate Research Assistant. She was previously employed as the Associate Director of College Counseling at the Winchester Thurston School. Prior to that, she worked as a Director of School and College Counseling at 4 other secondary schools. With over twelve years of experience in academic counseling, Alicia specializes in academic advising, social-emotional skills, and career counseling. Alicia holds Professional School Counseling Certifications in both Washington DC and Pennsylvania. She has created a college counseling program in its entirety and developed five programs focused on application workshops, parent information workshops, essay writing collaborative, peer-reviewed application activities, and financial aid literacy events. Alicia holds a BS in Psychology from Howard University and a Master’s in Clinical Counseling and Applied Psychology from Chestnut Hill College.Address romantic interest with kindness. If a friend likes you romantically but you only see them platonically, address this kindly but clearly. Note their positive qualities while conveying your feelings honestly. Explain why you value their friendship but don’t share romantic feelings so you both feel comfortable moving forward.
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Be specific, honest, and clear. You don’t have to be brutally honest, but they do need to leave the conversation knowing you don’t like them in that way. [9] X Expert Source JT Tran
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 5 May 2020. You don’t have to list all their faults, but make sure you’re prepared with specific and honest reasons about why you don’t like them. Avoid vague statements like “it’s not you, it’s me.” Try to keep the conversation low-key. [10] X Research source- If you’ve only known them for a few weeks, you can say, “I think you’re a good person, but you and I have completely different interests, friend groups, and lifestyles. I’d rather just go our separate ways.” [11] X Research source
- If you’ve known the person for longer, organize your thoughts beforehand. Be clear in your own mind about what exactly led you to this decision, whether it’s because they’re a really good friend, because you’re with someone else, or because they’re a co-worker. Whatever your reasons, you can keep saying to them, “This isn’t working for me.” This will keep your conversation with the other person on track. [12] X Research source
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Be nice. Even though you want them to stop liking you, you can still be nice to them by understanding their feelings and perspectives. The other person may try to persuade you that you’re wrong or that they can change. Acknowledge how they’re feeling. Just don’t let their emotions sway you to change your mind. [13] X Research source
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Reinforce your position. If you’ve tried talking to them and they’re not listening, still trying to win you over, or still disrespecting your boundaries, you’ll need to talk with them again. Make it clear you don’t share their feelings and need their behavior to stop. Repeat and reinforce what you’ve already told them before and keep maintaining your boundaries with them. [14] X Research source
- Try to write them an email instead of talking to them in-person, this way you won’t have to be alone with them.
- Try to address your concerns as they come up. For example, if you notice the other person looking at you or saying inappropriate things, you can say, “I’m not comfortable with that,” “Please stop, I’m not interested,” or “Please don’t say that to me.” [15] X Research source
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Get help. If all of this fails and the other person continues to give you unwanted attention, get help from others. Let your parents, friends, teachers, and/or counselors know what’s been happening. Make sure you keep your distance from the other person, but if you have to be around them make sure you’re not alone with them. Keep a record of any texts or emails they send to you, especially if they’re inappropriate.
- Make it clear to your supervisor, parent, or other authority figure that you've done everything possible to discourage the other person's attention and behavior. [16] X Research source
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Fade out or ghost them. Probably the easiest way to get someone to stop liking you, especially if you haven’t known them for long, is to just stop responding to them. You can choose to slowly stop responding to their texts and calls, or you can do it all at once. Either way, ignore them.
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Stop sharing. Avoid sharing anything intimate about yourself. This will be a huge turn-off, because people need to feel like they can trust you and mutually share important things. [17] X Research source Good communication is key to a good relationship, so the more you avoid sharing the more they’ll get the hint you’re not interested in starting an intimate relationship with them. [18] X Research source
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Be selfish. Good relationships are about sacrifices and making time for each other. If you want to get them to stop liking you, stop making them a priority in your life. Don’t allow them to think you want a relationship with them. Focus on yourself, your friends, and the activities you want to do. Say “no” to any plans they want to make. [19] X Research source
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Ignore their behavior. Once you’ve tried to get them to stop liking you, they may try even harder to do nice things for you or flirt with you. Don’t acknowledge when they compliment you, buy you gifts, hold the door open for you, or check in on you. Don't encourage any flirting. Appreciation, gratitude, and kind words are essential for healthy relationships, so you should avoid them because otherwise you'll send mixed signals to the other person. [20] X Research source
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Adjust your social media settings. If you've got an online presence, the person who likes you will still have access to you. By adjusting your privacy settings on social media, you'll be able to prevent them from seeing everything about your life. You can change your social media settings (particularly on Facebook) in several different ways, sometimes without the other person even knowing: [21] X Research source
- Block them, which will prevent them from trying to "friend" you in the future.
- Unfriend them.
- Unfollow them, which will still allow you to remain friends, but will hide them from your newsfeed.
- Customize your sharing settings, which will allow you to block them from seeing whatever you don't want them to see.
- Edit your timeline settings, which will allow you to block them from seeing anything posted to your timeline.
- Turn on the setting that allows you to review posts friends tag you in before they're posted to your timeline.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you reject someone without hurting their feelings?JT Tran is a Dating Coach and a Dating Advice Columnist for LA Weekly and Baller Magazine. JT also runs the ABCs of Attraction, a dating boot camp where he specializes in coaching Asian men and women on how to navigate the cultural and social sensitivities associated with Asian dating culture. With over ten years of dating coaching experience, JT has presented dating and relationship advice as it relates to cultural issues at Harvard University, Yale University, and the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania. His work has been featured in AsianWeek, New York, NU Asian Magazine, the Huffington Post, Channel News Asia, and Voice of America News TV.There are a lot of different tactics and strategies, as it can depend on the circumstance. Try to politely reject them through being honest and direct. Ghosting can sometimes create loose ends that are emotionally wounding for the other person.
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Warnings
- It’s very important to maintain boundaries when someone likes you or has a crush on you.Thanks
- If you’re at any point worried about your safety, if the other person starts following you, if the other person keeps trying to contact you, and/or if the other person continually violates your boundaries or personal space, seek help. Let your friends, parents, and authority figures know what’s going on. Never go anywhere alone with the person who has a crush on you.Thanks
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References
- ↑ http://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-breakup
- ↑ JT Tran. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
- ↑ http://www.askamanager.org/2013/02/how-to-deal-with-a-coworker-who-has-a-crush-on-you.html
- ↑ JT Tran. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
- ↑ http://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a36510/how-to-break-up/
- ↑ JT Tran. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
- ↑ http://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-breakup
- ↑ http://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a36510/how-to-break-up/
- ↑ JT Tran. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
- ↑ http://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-breakup
- ↑ http://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a36510/how-to-break-up/
- ↑ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/9959655/How-to-break-up-with-someone.html
- ↑ http://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-breakup
- ↑ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/9959655/How-to-break-up-with-someone.html
- ↑ http://www.askamanager.org/2013/02/how-to-deal-with-a-coworker-who-has-a-crush-on-you.html
- ↑ http://www.nbcnews.com/id/12818892/ns/business-forbes_com/t/warding-goo-goo-eyes/#.V2lftLgrLIU
- ↑ http://www.businessinsider.com/things-that-make-people-dislike-you-2015-10
- ↑ https://www.lifehacker.com.au/2015/11/how-to-sabotage-your-relationship-and-get-them-to-break-up-with-you-instead/
- ↑ https://www.lifehacker.com.au/2015/11/how-to-sabotage-your-relationship-and-get-them-to-break-up-with-you-instead/
- ↑ http://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/advice/a1388/10-things-that-turn-men-off-104649/
- ↑ http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/entertainment/a33549/facebook-tricks-tips-hacks-easier/
About This Article
Article Summary
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It can be awkward to be around someone who has a crush on you if you don’t like them in that way, but you can try to make them stop liking you by being direct and maintaining boundaries. Be confident in your decision that you don’t want a relationship with this person so you don’t send mixed signals. You’ll also want to set appropriate boundaries, like not touching or flirting with the person, unfollowing them on social media, avoiding spending one-on-one time with them, and saying “no” to any plans they try to make with you. If they don’t respect your boundaries or can’t seem to take the hint, have an in-person talk. Be clear and firm that you’re not interested. Even though your aim is to get them to stop liking you, still be nice by understanding their feelings and perspective. To learn how to ignore a person’s flirting, keep reading!
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Reader Success Stories
- "He was very sweet but I found I just needed to slowly ignore him and he did lose interest quite quickly. I chose to ignore the flirting and stick in groups of friends. Also stay away from aggressive or inappropriate behavior." ..." more
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"He was very sweet but I found I just needed to slowly ignore him and he did lose interest quite quickly. I chose to ignore the flirting and stick in groups of friends. Also stay away from aggressive or inappropriate behavior."
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"There was a girl who was rude and mean and she wanted to go out with me, I used these steps and she likes someone else. "
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"It helped me feel like I did the right thing, instead of feeling like I was being distant in a mean way."
"It really worked, it was a one-way conversation and he never replied."
"Just tell them or let them down slowly. :)"
