What's a "Boy Mom?" Meaning, Origin & Why It's Trending on TikTok

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Explore the potentially harmful effects of “boy mom” culture
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You may have heard the term “boy mom” all over social media, but what exactly does it mean? A “boy mom” is someone who has an unhealthy obsession with her son, often acting like his romantic partner. While it’s perfectly fine to express pride about being a parent, a “boy mom” takes it even further—making it her entire identity. In this article, we’ll teach you everything you need to know about this viral term, including its meaning, origin, and what TikTokers have to say about it.

“Boy Mom” Culture Explained

A “boy mom” refers to a mom who’s overly fixated on her son. She coddles her son, puts him on a pedestal, and expresses more affection toward boys than girls. Many people believe that unhealthy "boy mom" behavior can limit her son’s development, reinforce gender norms, or create a toxic family dynamic.

Section 1 of 4:

What is a “boy mom?”

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    A “boy mom” is a specific type of parent who’s hyper fixated on her son. There’s nothing wrong with being a mother of a boy, but a “boy mom” has a weird and unhealthy obsession with her child. She believes that “boys will be boys” and puts her son on a pedestal, expressing more affection toward boys than girls. Having a son is her entire identity, so she plays the role of a romantic partner in his life, relying on him for happiness and emotional intimacy. [1]
    • Think of a “boy mom” as a “ pick-me girl ,” or the mom version of “I’m not like other girls.” She genuinely thinks that having a son makes her better than other moms, so she loves bragging about it to everyone else.
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Section 2 of 4:

Signs of Being a “Boy Mom”

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    A “boy mom” gives her son special treatment or acts like his girlfriend. On TikTok, there’s tons of content regarding “boy moms” that share similar themes and ideals. A “boy mom” is usually possessive of her son, talking about him in a romantic or inappropriate way. Other signs of “boy mom” behavior include: [2]
    • Favoring her sons over her daughters
    • Referring to her son as her “whole world”
    • Constantly posting the “perks” of having a boy
    • Sharing she loves her son more than her daughter
    • Being excited to be her son’s “first kiss” or “first love”
    • Coddling her son and believing he can “do no wrong”
    • Feeling sad that her son is leaving home or getting married
    • Acting like she’s in competition with her future daughter-in-law
Section 3 of 4:

Origin & Spread of “Boy Mom”

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    Originally, the term “boy mom” referred to moms with male children. While the exact origin of “boy mom” is unknown, it started off as a positive term. Moms used it to describe their unique experience of raising boys, or to express enjoyment about having a son. People would add “boy mom” in their posts, captions, and hashtags to connect with other moms online and find a community of parents that they could resonate with.
    • Over time, “boy mom” became a negative term after self-identifying “boy moms” posted controversial videos on TikTok. These videos featured content like moms experiencing a “break up” after their son moved away, or teaching their son how to cook so he “wouldn’t need a wife.”
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Section 4 of 4:

Discussion About “Boy Mom” Culture on TikTok

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    1
    “Boy Mom” culture reinforces harmful gender norms and stereotypes. Many TikTok users have criticized boy moms because they promote the idea that “boys will be boys,” or that boys are more rough or energetic than girls. This belief is dangerous because it implies that certain behaviors are masculine and feminine, and it doesn’t hold boys accountable for their actions. If a boy becomes violent while playing, for example, a “boy mom” may excuse it and link it to just “being a boy.” [3]
    • Similarly, many self-proclaimed “boy moms” post videos of their son in the kitchen so they “won’t be impressed by a bad meal made by a woman.” This reinforces the idea that cooking and cleaning are “women’s work.”
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    2
    TikTokers think “boy moms” use their sons to heal their emotional wounds. Many self-proclaimed “boy moms” treat their sons like romantic partners, putting them in an inappropriate role. This dynamic is known as emotional incest, which can hinder their child’s development. [4] Boy moms often guilt trip their sons if they decide to leave home, get married, or make decisions on their own, and this can make it difficult for children to set boundaries as adults. [5]
    • In addition, a “boy mom” usually sees her future daughter-in-law as a threat, so she may exclude her from conversation or act possessive around her son. This puts him in an awkward position because he might feel guilty for prioritizing his partner, harming his relationship.
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    3
    A “boy mom” fosters a toxic family dynamic for her children. When a “boy mom” shows greater affection toward her son, it can lower the self-esteem of her other kids. Parental favoritism is linked to anxiety, depression, and other behavioral problems, which may continue in adulthood. [6] A daughter might feel less worthy than her brother, fueling resentment or jealousy toward him.
    • This behavior also puts pressure on her son to be the “ golden child ,” negatively affecting his mental health. He might believe he always has to please his mother to be worthy of love. [7]
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      • The term “girl dad” refers to a father who has a daughter. [8] It’s meant to express pride over parenting a girl, but many TikTokers believe it’s a way to celebrate men for doing the bare minimum—spending time with their children.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communicating-through-change/202312/boymom-culture-toxic-aspects
      2. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2024/03/01/style/boy-mom-tiktok-mother-son.html
      3. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2024/03/01/style/boy-mom-tiktok-mother-son.html
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/when-kids-call-the-shots/202111/3-signs-you-may-have-suffered-childhood-emotional-incest
      5. ↑ https://youtu.be/B0yMbnokV_I?t=954
      6. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/family/what-to-do-when-favoritism-is-shown-to-a-relative/
      7. ↑ https://youtu.be/B0yMbnokV_I?t=1732
      8. ↑ https://www.dictionary.com/browse/girl-dad#

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