15 Signs Your Ex Misses You (and What to Do About It)

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Look for signs your ex is missing you after the breakup
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At any point after a breakup, especially if you haven't talked to your ex in a while, you might start wondering if they miss you. The answer to that question is probably "yes," but it doesn't always mean they want to get back together. We talked to dating coach Lisa Shield and relationship expert Joshua Pompey to find out more about how to tell if your ex misses you and what to do about it.

Does Your Ex Miss You?

Your ex may miss you if they start reaching out for no reason or engaging with your social media account. Most people start to miss their exes within a few months of no contact. However, make sure you’ve both taken the time to work on yourselves before considering a reunion.

Section 1 of 5:

15 Signs Your Ex Misses You

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  1. The best way to move on after a breakup is to break off all contact with your ex. If your ex not only hasn't done that but also contacts you frequently for basically no reason, it's a pretty clear sign that they miss you—or at least miss talking to you on a regular basis. [1]
    • If they're contacting you frequently and you aren't interested in rekindling the flame, set boundaries regarding what kind of communication you're okay with.
    • Shield recommends letting them know that "that part of your relationship is over,” and that you’re “no longer... their confidante or [emotional] support system."
  2. Studies show that continuing to engage with your ex on social media after a breakup can increase your longing for them. [2] If they're quick to respond to anything you post, it's likely they're missing you.
    • If you're not calling or texting them, they could see social media as the only way they have to hear from you or keep tabs on you.
    • They might also be going back through your social media accounts because they're looking back at memories from the times when the two of you were together.
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  3. After a breakup, a mutual purge of social media posts is pretty typical. You might not take down every single picture of the two of you together (especially group photos with other people), but if you're still featured prominently in your ex's primary profile photo? That's a sign they miss being with you. [3]
    • While it might also mean that they're just not very active on social media, they likely would've logged on to do this if it was something that bothered them.
  4. When you're part of a couple, the two of you develop routines together. After a breakup, it's often super easy to predict where your ex is going to be based on those old patterns that you know. That means it's pretty easy to avoid each other but also pretty easy to run into each other—there's nothing accidental about it. If you keep bumping into each other, your ex might just be missing you and scheming up ways to see you. [4]
    • Sometimes, it's just a matter of them wanting to see you again and nothing more. But if they want to rekindle your relationship, they might hope sparks fly if the two of you bump into each other.
  5. Keeping in touch with people who are close to you is a pretty easy way to keep up with what's going on in your life—especially if you're not returning your ex's calls or texts. Here you're not talking about mutual friends, but people your ex only knows through you.
    • This is more likely to indicate that your ex misses you if he's asking those people about you as well. For example, if your sister tells you that your ex randomly texted her the other day and asked about you, that's a pretty clear indication that your ex was missing you in that moment.
  6. It's not difficult to interpret being left on "read," and the opposite can be equally clear. If your ex responds immediately to your texts or picks up your call after the first ring, it typically means they're excited to hear from you—and that could be because they miss you. Hearing from you triggers their brain to release the same feel-good chemicals they got when the two of you were still in love. [5]
    • If they haven't heard from you in a while, they might just be responding quickly because of that.
    • Being excited to hear from you or talk to you doesn't mean they're ready to get back together with you, but it does give you the opportunity to open the conversation if that's something you'd be interested in.
    • For example, you might say, "It seems like you're excited to catch up but I've gotta run right now. Did you want to meet for coffee later this week? It's been a while!"
  7. Even if you're in a strict no-contact period, you're still human and understand that there might be times when you're literally the only one that your ex can call about something. But if this seems to be a recurring issue, it might be that they just wish they still had you in their life.
    • Within the first week or two after the breakup, it's more likely that your ex will have things they genuinely need to connect with you about—especially if you lived together or have children together.
    • After a month or so, your ex will typically run out of legitimate reasons they need to talk to you or see you—barring any continuing obligation the two of you share. This is when you can tell whether or not they’re digging for reasons to see you, which usually means that they miss you.
  8. If you and your ex were together for a while, it's likely that you have a pretty large circle of mutual friends. It's one thing if they're asking your friends what you're doing right now, but if they're instead reminiscing about favorite moments in your relationship, that could be a sign that they're missing you.
    • Reminiscing also brings up all of those same old feelings they had when that moment happened, which can make them miss you even more while they're thinking back. [6]
  9. During the bargaining stage of grief after the end of your relationship, your ex might decide that they'll do anything to get you back. As a result, they start looking at things that you used to complain about and figure out a way to change those things in a way that you'll notice. They believe that you'll come back to them if you notice that change that they've made. [7]
    • This is more likely to happen if you were the one who ended the relationship. But regardless of how your relationship ended, it's a sign that they're thinking about you and likely miss having you in their life so they want to make themselves more worthy of you.
    • In this stage, they might not be ready to recommit to a healthy relationship with you because they likely haven't done the real work that they need to do with themselves to figure out what role they played in the demise of your relationship.
  10. It's late, your ex is home alone and they've had a few drinks. Because alcohol lowers their inhibitions, they're going to find it a lot more difficult to resist the temptation of texting you. In fact, they might even be able to convince themselves that reaching out to you in this state is actually a good idea (because alcohol impairs your judgment as well). [8]
    • It's usually best to ignore these calls and texts in the moment. You're not going to get anywhere with your ex if you try to talk to them while they're drunk.
    • If the calls or texts bothered you, bring them up the next day. For example, you might say, "Going a little hard last night? Feel alright today? I'll ignore it this once, but please don't call or text me that late again."
  11. This is basically what people mean when they talk about someone wanting to have their cake and eat it too. Your ex likely misses your emotional support and physical affection, but not necessarily being in a relationship with you—and that's perfectly fine if you feel the same way. [9]
    • If you want to get back together with your ex, being "friends with benefits" is probably not a good idea. You're far too likely to get your emotional signals scrambled and wind up getting heartbroken all over again.
    • On the other hand, if this sounds like something that would benefit your life and not confuse you emotionally, go for it!
  12. If you've told them you're interested in getting back together, they might miss you if they're trying to keep you on the line. This is more likely if they're active on the dating scene—they could be trying to keep you on the back burner while they see what else is out there.
    • Keep in mind this doesn't necessarily mean they want to get back into a romantic relationship with you. It could just mean that they're trying to hedge their bets, in a way.
    • If you're in this situation, there's also a possibility that they'll start to realize that things with you weren't as bad as they thought they were.
  13. If your ex is repeatedly asking to talk about the breakup with you, it's likely because they're not quite over you yet. This is especially likely if you broke up with them because they might think that they can rationalize you into changing your mind and getting back together with them.
    • If they're the one who broke up with you and they keep wanting to talk about the breakup, it could indicate that they're having second thoughts about ending the relationship.
    • Second thoughts could mean that they miss you and want to get back together, but it could also simply mean that they're lonely in general.
  14. A rebound relationship typically tells you that they're trying to get a quick ego boost rather than face the emotions they have surrounding the breakup. [10] It could mean that they miss you or simply that they miss the familiarity of being in a relationship.
    • If you see that your ex is in a new relationship, take it seriously and give them space, even if you believe it's a rebound. If it is a rebound relationship, it's likely to fizzle out pretty quickly once your ex realizes that it's not making you jealous or upset.
  15. Whether they're flaunting a rebound relationship in your face or just posting dozens of pictures of their wild nights out on the town every night, they probably miss you if they seem like they're trying to make you jealous. It can be a way to try to make you miss them too. [11]
    • If seeing all of this on social media bothers you, blocking your ex is a good way to respond. They won't know that you've blocked them and you won't have to worry about getting upset by their posts.
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Section 2 of 5:

How to Make Your Ex Miss You

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  1. After a breakup, calling your ex or chatting with them on a regular basis isn't healthy for either of you. Whether you go full no-contact or not, both of you need time and space to heal from the breakup. [12] And if you're trying to make them miss you, remember that they can't miss you if you're still around.
    • This might mean unfollowing them or blocking them on social media or even taking their contact information out of your phone—whatever it takes to create that space.
  2. Regardless of the circumstances of your breakup, chances are your self-esteem took a hit. Take steps to boost your confidence and it will show. People are naturally attracted to confidence. Keep up with your personal hygiene and work on your posture . [13]
    • Pompey notes that "first and foremost, you can't fake confidence. So you're never going to be able to act confident unless you feel confident... it's a great step in the right direction to get your appearance at its optimal level."
    • For a quick appearance refresher, you might try a new hairstyle or go shopping and update your wardrobe with a few fun or trendy pieces.
    • Your ex will need to notice these changes, but once they do, it's likely they'll start to miss you.
  3. When you treat yourself with love, it really makes a difference in how you feel as well as how you appear to others. Good self-care includes eating healthy foods , exercising regularly , and getting quality sleep . [14]
    • When you take care of yourself, you signal to others (including your ex) that you value yourself, which makes you more attractive and could make your ex start to miss you.
    • While it's fine to cut loose with your friends from time to time, avoid using alcohol or recreational drugs to escape from reality or pretend that everything's okay when it's not.
  4. The people who've been in your life the longest are typically the ones who provide the best emotional support. They'll also help you get out and have a good time. [15]
    • If your ex sees that their leaving hasn't caused your life to change dramatically, they might start to miss you.
  5. When you have new experiences they can shake up your routine and get you out of the habits you established when you were part of a couple. Trying new things also serves as a great distraction so you won't think about your ex or your past relationship as much. [16]
    • If your ex sees that you're doing different things rather than following the same routine, they could start to miss you a little more.
    • This works because you're creating some distance between the life you lived with your ex and the new life that you're creating for yourself. It might also make you a little less available to your ex.
  6. If you and your ex have a lot of mutual friends, hanging out with new people can help you disconnect from them a little more. It also makes you a little more unavailable because you're no longer hanging out with the same people or going to the same spots. [17]
    • If you have a hard time chatting it up with new people, don't worry! You'll get better with practice. Pompey emphasizes that "just having conversations with random people is a huge step... the more you do it, the more comfortable you'll get" meeting new people.
    • If you and your ex lived together, you might try moving to a different part of town. That way, you'll have a new neighborhood to explore and new favorite spots to discover.
  7. Thinking back on a previous ex can be helpful here. You might recall how you felt when your last relationship ended compared to how you feel about that person now. Remind yourself that how you feel about your ex right now is only temporary. In the grand scheme of things, you actually won't feel this way for very long. [18]
    • If your ex sees that you no longer need them or senses that you no longer feel as though something is missing from your life, they might just start to miss you a little bit.
    • As long as your ex feels as though you would get back together with them if they asked, they have the ability to sort of string you along and keep you on the back burner if they want to—and this isn't healthy for either of you.
  8. If you're wondering if it's time to dust yourself off and see what's out there, it probably is! Going out on dates doesn't necessarily mean that you're looking for your next serious relationship yet, but it can really boost your self-esteem to get out there and play the field a little. [19]
    • This doesn't mean you should go out with someone only to make your ex jealous or make them miss you—that wouldn't be fair to the other person.
    • Be honest with anyone you go out on a date with, especially if you don't feel like you're over your ex yet.
    • For example, you might say, "I'm just stepping my little toe back in the dating pool right now. While I'm still a little raw from a bad breakup a few months ago, I think it's important to get back out there."
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Section 3 of 5:

How to Respond If Your Ex Misses You

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  1. This requires you to really think about the situation (you might journal about it) and whether you miss your ex as well. Perhaps the most important question to ask yourself is whether both of you have changed in significant ways since the breakup. This will help you figure out if the two of you should give it another shot or not.
    • If your ex is open to it, set up a face-to-face conversation with minimal distractions. This will give the two of you an opportunity to share your feelings and decide what to do.
    • For example, you might say, "Hey, it seems like you've been missing me lately and I've been missing you too. Wanna meet up for coffee sometime this week and chat about it?"
    • If your ex misses you but you've already moved on, Shield emphasizes that it's important to create clear boundaries with them, "because your new partner doesn't want this person leaning on you."
Section 4 of 5:

How long before my ex misses me?

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  1. Assuming that you go full no-contact with your ex after the breakup, a couple of months is about the average. Essentially, it takes that long to process the emotions that caused the end of the relationship in the first place. Men can take even longer because they usually spend the first week or two in denial. [20]
    • There are a lot of other factors to consider as well, such as how long the two of you were together and the intensity of your connection.
    • Who instigated the breakup and the reasons for the breakup can also impact how long it takes for either of you to miss the other.
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Section 5 of 5:

Frequently Asked Questions About Breakups

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  1. No, not necessarily. When you're with someone, your brain forms patterns around your attachment to that person. When something triggers your brain to run those patterns, you feel warm and fuzzy about that person without wanting to get back together with them. [21]
    • Both of you might miss each other at various points for the rest of your lives but that isn't a signal that you should give it another shot. It's important to figure out what went wrong in the relationship and what you can do to keep those things from happening again.
  2. The signs that your ex doesn't miss you are pretty much the opposite of the signs that your ex does miss you. If your ex doesn't miss you, they're not likely to text you or reach out to you, won't go out of their way to bump into you, and won't be asking people about you. [22]
    • Keep in mind that all of this varies depending on the person and your relationship. For example, your ex might not miss you but still keeps in touch with your family because they formed their own close bond with them.
    • Just as it's normal to miss your ex, it's also normal to not miss your ex—and it's normal to fluctuate back and forth between those two feelings.
  3. It can be very frustrating when you're still suffering and it seems like your ex has already moved on. Perhaps the best thing to do in this situation is to block them out and turn your focus inward. Be kind to yourself and don't worry about what your ex is doing. [23]
    • Remember that they could just be pretending. They might be having a hard time but putting on a brave face.
    • If your ex has already moved on, be compassionate to yourself and reflect on what you can do to move on as well. There's no timeline for this—it's likely that your ex will still linger in that "partner" space of your brain until you start another relationship, and that's okay.
  4. If you truly believe that the two of you should be in a relationship, the best way to attempt to renew that relationship is to figure out what wasn't working before and make changes. Shield notes that you need "to learn how to interact better, how to listen, how to communicate, how to have boundaries."
    • Shield further emphasizes getting therapy or other help to better understand these issues and learn healthier coping and communication strategies.
  5. When you and your ex were in love, they triggered your brain to release feel-good chemicals that made you feel really awesome whenever you were with your ex. Now that the relationship is over, you find yourself looking for some of those feel-good chemicals to give you a boost and your brain still considers your ex to be a good source. [24]
    • This is the kind of missing that makes you think back fondly on the good times. You can almost convince yourself that nothing bad ever happened.
    • Missing your ex is nothing to be ashamed of—it's totally normal to feel that way, even if you ended the relationship. Your brain's desire for these feel-good chemicals is so strong that some psychologists compare missing your ex this way to an addict's withdrawal.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201602/is-why-its-crucial-get-over-your-ex
      2. ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22946958/
      3. ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22946958/
      4. ↑ https://www.discovermagazine.com/mind/your-brains-response-to-your-ex-according-to-neuroscience
      5. ↑ https://www.discovermagazine.com/mind/your-brains-response-to-your-ex-according-to-neuroscience
      6. ↑ https://www.discovermagazine.com/mind/your-brains-response-to-your-ex-according-to-neuroscience
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beyond-the-psychology-major/201705/how-let-go-after-your-breakup
      8. ↑ https://alcohol.org/health-effects/inhibitions/
      9. ↑ https://www.doctornerdlove.com/can-you-ever-be-friends-with-an-ex/
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      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/state-anxiety/202208/14-ways-heal-after-rough-breakup
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201602/is-why-its-crucial-get-over-your-ex
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/having-sex-wanting-intimacy/201801/put-your-self-esteem-first-after-breakup
      5. ↑ https://headspace.org.au/explore-topics/for-young-people/relationship-breakup/
      6. ↑ https://headspace.org.au/explore-topics/for-young-people/relationship-breakup/
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-high-functioning-hotspot/202008/the-ultimate-guide-breakups
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-high-functioning-hotspot/202008/the-ultimate-guide-breakups
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-high-functioning-hotspot/202008/the-ultimate-guide-breakups
      10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201602/is-why-its-crucial-get-over-your-ex
      11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/state-of-anxiety/202303/comparatively-speaking-do-men-break-up-badly
      12. ↑ https://www.discovermagazine.com/mind/your-brains-response-to-your-ex-according-to-neuroscience
      13. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beyond-the-psychology-major/201705/how-let-go-after-your-breakup
      14. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/staying-sane-inside-insanity/202301/how-to-recover-from-a-breakup
      15. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beyond-the-psychology-major/201705/how-let-go-after-your-breakup

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