wikiHow Forums Relationships

Be real with me. Do opposites actually attract?

For a complete guide to this topic, read the wikiHow article Are Opposites Really Drawn to Each Other? A Scientific Investigation .

WikiBandicootDancer108

01/15/25 9:33am

i have personally found myself attracted to people who are very different from me, but when i think about actually dating someone like that i think it would be very frustrating very quickly lol. so i'm curious if anyone here has had experiences dating people who are their "opposite" and what that was like/if you recommend it? also if anyone has experience dating someone just like you...is it boring? lol

View hidden comment

All comments must follow the forum guidelines.

Reply to Post

Sort By:

Expert Comments

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

01/16/25 11:11am

Yes, opposites do attract, because it can be exciting to be with someone who's challenging and different. But after you've been dating for three to six months, you may need to remember why you were attracted to that person in the first place.

For instance, risk-averse person A may be initially excited and attracted by person B's free-spirited nature, but then three to six months in, it's no longer new and exciting. So it can be helpful to stop and remember, “Wait a minute. The very thing I'm now resisting about this person is actually something that I really needed and wanted in the first place.”

Now, dating your polar opposite may not be such a good idea. But if they're different in a complementary way—that is, they're still on the same page as you and share the same values, but they have a little bit of diversity in their personality traits and how they approach their values—that can be a sweet spot for couples.

View hidden comment

Lauren Sanders
Matchmaker & Dating Coach

02/07/25 11:43pm

Opposites can attract each other, however, in those situations where opposites do attract, both individuals have to have an open mind. Individuals that are “stuck” in their ways and prefer not to veer far from their preferences would not do well with an opposites attract situation. However, individuals that are open to new experiences and learning from others…they typically do better with dating someone extremely different from themselves. Just be aware that the person you’re dating views the world from a different lens. We all have a different lens. Be mindful of their perspective and respect it. Don’t be judgmental. Be open and ready to go with the flow."

View hidden comment

Reader Comments

WikiMistRider890

01/17/25 9:30am

I think it depends on what exactly you're "opposites" in. If it's a personality trait (like introversion vs. extroversion) or a behavior (like enjoying hiking outdoors vs. enjoying board games indoors), I think opposites can attract and help the two of you explore new things. But if it's "opposite" in something that's non-negotiable for you, like one of you loves kids and deeply desires children while the other thinks kids are icky and doesn't want anything to do with them, it can mean you're incompatible. It's up to you to decide what "opposites" in your partner you find attractive or impossible to work through.

View hidden comment

WikiSalamanderFlyer522

01/18/25 3:42pm

My boyfriend and I are a great example of opposites attracting. He is a charismatic, outgoing guy who's a little more on the carefree, spontaneous side of things, while I am a more reserved girl who likes planning and structure, almost to a fault. He's helped me come out of my shell a little more and I've helped him become more sensitive. He's pushed me to try new things outside of my comfort zone that I ended up really liking, and I've helped him set and work towards life goals that are important to him. Yes, we're super different, but we balance each other out and bring out the best in each other.

But that doesn't mean you have to be opposites with your partner for things to work out! I have some good friends that are dating and they're like two peas in a pod. I feel like they can read each others' minds sometimes haha. But they've been together for 7 years and counting. You'll find the relationship dynamic that works well for you.

View hidden comment