Tell me your funniest jokes

12/16/24 11:27am

Title says it all. I'm looking for a good laugh and want some funny lines that I can share with my friends. Give me your favorites!

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WikiOcelotSeeker760

12/17/24 9:59am

Oh I have a quite a few that make me chuckle, but these are hands-down my top jokes:

• Why didn't the teddy bear have any dessert? Because it was too stuffed!
• I've been reading a good book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down!
• Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was out-standing in his field!
• What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine.
• A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A year later, there’s another knock at the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, “What was that all about?!”
• A duck walks into a pharmacy and walks up to the counter. “I’d like some Chapstick”, he tells the pharmacist. “How are you going to pay for that?” the pharmacist asks. The duck replies “Just put it on my bill”.

WikiDesertReader982

12/19/24 4:34pm

I'm a big fan of dad jokes! Here are a few that tickle me:
- Two termites walk into a bar. One says, "Is the bar tender here?"
- How can tell when a joke becomes a dad joke? When it becomes apparent (a parent)
- Did you hear about the man who got all his lamps stolen? He was delighted
- What's brown and sticky? A stick
- (When you drive past a cemetery) People are dying to get in there...
- How do you know when a clock is still hungry? It goes back four seconds

WikiAxolotlDancer711

12/22/24 7:00pm

Here's one I like:

A recently-widowed woman is grieving at her deceased husband's funeral. A man approaches her and asks, “May I say a word?”

The woman nods through her tears.

The man stands up, clears his throat, and says “Plethora.”

The woman says, “Thanks that means a lot."