How to Officiate at a Nondenominational Funeral Service

Co-authored by David I. Jacobson

Last Updated: February 28, 2024 Approved

If you’ve been enlisted to officiate a nondenominational funeral, you may be wondering what’s expected of you. It can feel like a massive responsibility, but rest assured that you’ve got this. You were selected for a reason, and a lot of what you’ll need to do is going to be laid out for you. Still, it’s reasonable to want to prepare and we’ll show you how. In this article, we’ll break down everything you need to officiate a nondenominational funeral or memorial service.

1

Talk to the family.

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Meeting them in public is OK in a bind, but if that's the arrangement, try not to meet more than two to three people. If a funeral home is taking care of other arrangements, the funeral directors may have space at the funeral home where you could meet. Invite the family to have other family members and close friends present if they wish, but be sensitive to their needs and to the space considerations.

2

Discuss plans for the service.

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Let the family take the lead when it comes to what happens at the service. If they have their own ideas about what they want to see done or not done, make every effort to incorporate those ideas. However, don't leave them with a lot of open-ended questions about decisions that they need to make. You are there to help guide them, not to further complicate the process.
- Take notes. Bring a notebook and be prepared to take many notes about the loved one that has passed away.

3

Learn about the person who has passed.

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Get as much information as you can so you can tell their life story. Be sure to obtain the particulars such as birthday, school information, marriage, work history, children and grandchildren, and accomplishments. Pay special attention to the anecdotal memories that the family shares, especially stories that bring smiles.
- Ask them if there is music or any special readings that they would like to have incorporated into the service. Encourage them not to pick more than two or three songs, since those can be an emotional overload.
- Also, let them know that you are available to read poems or letters that they've written in case they find that they can't share on the day of the service.

4

Thank the family for choosing you.

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Thank the family and make arrangements to send a copy of your eulogy so that they can review it and make sure it is accurate. Obviously, sending a eulogy by e-mail is the easiest way to accomplish this, but delivering it in person or faxing it are other possibilities. Ask them if there's a gathering afterwards that they would like you to announce.

5

Write a eulogy, using your notes.

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Don't be afraid to mention less-than-happy things if they contributed to the person's life in a poetic or meaningful way. Be sure that you read the eulogy aloud to measure the amount of time that it takes to deliver it and to make sure that you establish your rhythm. Two to three pages of written text should be sufficient. ^{[1]
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6

Arrive early for the service.

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On the day of the service, arrive at least half an hour early with the final draft of the eulogy. Be available for any last-minute words or arrangements that the family may have, but give them space to grieve. This can be a very trying day for them.

7

Conduct the service.

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Follow the roadmap you’ve crafted with the family. You may want to open with one of the pieces of music that they've chosen. Then, welcome the family and open with a word of prayer or remembrance. After the prayer, read the obituary as a way to acknowledge the family members that are included in it. Deliver the eulogy.
- After the eulogy, invite the friends and family to come forward and share their own thoughts. This is a perfect place to insert a song to give them time to think.
- If no one comes forward, then make some light comment about how difficult it can be to speak at a funeral, and finish by closing the service with prayer.

8

Mingle after the service with mourners.

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People may want to thank you or chat, so stick around a while. Make yourself available to the family and friends afterward, but unless you know the family personally, you may want to gracefully excuse yourself shortly after and give them space.
- Work for somebody for six months or at a funeral home if you want to become a funeral director.
- There may be a difference between your perception of the job and the reality. Many people leave the profession within five years.
- So it is better to work for some time before you go to the profession.

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I heard there was a legal phrase that has to be said at funerals, is this true?

Community Answer

No, there is not. What the family wants is usually all that has to be said.

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Psalm 23 is a frequently spoken prayer at a funeral; what are a few more popular or frequently used prayers?

Community Answer

The Apostle's Creed, the Rosary, Glory Be, Hail Mary, Our Father, and the Sign of the Cross are good options.

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Tips

Normally, after the family has gone to their cars, the clergy member stays in the room, toward the back, while the funeral home workers close the casket to ensure that the departed loved one is treated with full respect and to assure the family that jewelry items were left in the casket, should there ever be any concerns.

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Typically, the clergy member walks in front of the casket to the hearse and in front of the casket from the hearse to the graveside.

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Sometimes it's interesting to take note in the eulogy of what was going on in the world the day the person was born. Here is a handy link for that: https://www.brainyhistory.com/

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How to Officiate at a Nondenominational Funeral Service

Steps

Talk to the family.

Discuss plans for the service.

Learn about the person who has passed.

Thank the family for choosing you.

Write a eulogy, using your notes.

Arrive early for the service.

Conduct the service.

Mingle after the service with mourners.

Community Q&A

Tips

Warnings

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