How to Police Your Kids on the Internet

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The Internet provides your children with loads of opportunities to learn, grow, and communicate with friends. However, it’s also full of dangers, and your kids likely aren’t aware of what could go wrong. Fortunately, you have a lot of resources for ensuring your child’s safety while they’re online. Just make sure that you’re working with your child and keeping a positive attitude so they don’t try to sneak around behind your back.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Talking to Your Kids

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  1. You probably don’t want to scare your children, but they need to understand why Internet safety is important. Tell your children that online predators exist and that it’s really hard to spot who they are. Encourage your children to stay cautious anytime they’re online. [1]
    • If you have young children, say something like, “You’re going to meet a lot of nice people online, but unfortunately, some people may want to hurt you. Since it’s hard to tell who is nice and who isn’t, treat everyone you meet online like a stranger.”
    • If your child is older, you might say, “I know you’re really smart about the Internet, but it might still be hard for you to realize when someone is trying to trick you. I want you to be safe, so I expect you to follow my rules.”
  2. Your rules will give your child guidelines about what’s okay when it comes to going online. Tell your child what you expect from them and why. Here are some rules you might set: [2]
    • Ask your child to only friend people they know in real life.
    • Require your kids to get approval before friending someone they don’t know.
    • Limit what your child is allowed to post.
    • Specify times your child can be online.
    • Prohibit face-to-face meetings without your permission.
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  3. People can be anyone they want online, and some people use this opportunity to take advantage of others. Talk to your kids about this possibility and teach them to be skeptical of what people tell them online. Ask them to get your help in determining if someone is trustworthy. [3]
    • For younger children, say, “People can lie about how old they are when they’re online. That means a grown-up can say they’re a child, like you. Always check with me when you add a new friend so I can help you figure out if they’re safe.”
    • For older kids, say, “You probably know that people can lie online, but it’s really hard to figure out when someone is pretending to be someone they’re not. Please tell me when you meet someone new so I can help you stay safe.”

    Tip: This will only work if you keep an open mind about who your kids are meeting. Your kids will likely want to make new friends and may think you’re being overactive, so they might hide their activities if they think you’re going to prevent them from talking to any new people.

  4. Explain that a potential predator can use your child’s information to figure out where they are. Additionally, tell your child that scammers can use their information to hack into their accounts. Ask your kids to promise not to disclose any private information unless you say it’s safe. [4]
    • Personal information includes their name, birth date, address, phone number, email address, school, and plans for later.
    • Say, “I know you’re excited to make friends, but you need to keep some information a secret so that people can’t find you or steal your account. Don’t tell anyone your personal information unless I say it’s okay.”
  5. Your child’s screen name should protect their privacy, but it’s important to pick a name that won’t attract a predator. Unfortunately, names that are sexually suggestive or that indicate the age of your child might draw a predator to your child. To protect your kids, make them get your approval before they post a screen name. [5]
    • Use your child’s interests to help them find a screen name. After you and your child have a few ideas, pick a name that could be used by an adult or a child.
  6. Teach your child to incorporate multiple words, capital and lowercase letters, and numbers or symbols into their passwords. For younger kids, make sure you know their password so you can log into their account. If your child is a teen, consider allowing them to keep their password secret as long as they follow your rules. [6]
    • Say, “A good password is hard for someone to guess. Try using a phrase, capital letters, numbers, or symbols to make your password super hard to figure out.”
    • A good password might be “CoFFeeSandWich540” or “nap$oN$@today.”
  7. Since children’s brains aren’t fully formed, it’s really hard for them to understand long-term consequences. Because of this, they may make a split-second decision to post a photo online that will haunt them forever. Talk to your child about what pictures are okay to post and why they shouldn’t post revealing or suggestive photos. [7]
    • You might say, “While it’s your choice what you do with your body, please don’t post nude or revealing photos of yourself or share them online. Once these photos are out there, you can’t get them back, and some people may misuse them in ways you don’t like.”
    • Tell your child to come to you if they accidentally share a revealing photo or if someone tries to get them to provide one. You might say, “I am on your side at all times and promise you won’t get in trouble if you ask for help. Please come to me.”
    • Try not to judge your child for taking photos you think are too revealing. It’s normal for them to want to explore and celebrate their body. Keep the focus on making safe decisions.

    Warning: Depending on your child’s age and the laws where you live, they may get in legal trouble for taking and sharing revealing photos of themself.

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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Setting up Protections

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  1. Make a rule that your kids can only use a computer while they’re in a common room, like the living room or kitchen. While they’re online, check on them periodically to make sure they’re following your rules. [8]
    • Remember that your child may also use their phone or tablet to access the Internet.
  2. You probably don’t need to worry about someone spying on your kids, but it does occasionally happen. To keep you and your kids safe, tape a piece of paper over the webcam. Tell your child not to remove the paper without your permission. [9]
    • You may have seen news articles about predators hacking into a webcam and recording people without their knowledge. While this is rare, it can happen if your webcam isn’t covered up.
  3. Open your device’s parental controls to set windows for when your child can go online. Additionally, turn on the parental filters so that adult sites are automatically blocked. Although a filter likely won’t catch every problematic site, they can block many sites that you might find unacceptable for your children. [10]
  4. If you’re really worried about what your child is doing online, you may prefer to download an app that can track everything they do. This allows you to make sure they aren’t doing anything that may be unsafe. Compare available apps and use the one that fits your needs. [11]
    • You might try an app like Net Nanny, Qustodio, MamaBear, OurPact, or Kaspersky Safe Kids. Some of these apps offer a free plan, but you may have to pay for protection.
    • Keep in mind that these apps may make your child feel like you’re spying on them. Weigh the pros and cons of using them to protect your child.
  5. Although filters are a big help, they likely won’t catch everything that you don’t want your child to see. Ask your kids to get approval for the websites, apps, and games they want to use. Review the content to make sure it’s up to your standards, then decide if it’s right for your child. [12]
    • Periodically review the content to make sure it’s still okay.
    • Read reviews and ratings if they’re available. Reviews can help you find out how other users feel and what they experienced. Ratings can help you decide if an app or game is age appropriate for your child.
  6. Your child is likely going to want to join social media and gaming sites to make friends and chat with others. Unfortunately, their profile may provide too much personal information. Check your child’s profile before they post it to make sure it doesn’t contain photos or details that you think your child should keep private. Additionally, do random checks of your child’s profiles to make sure they aren’t posting anything they shouldn’t. [13]
    • Require that your child add you as a friend or follower on social media. Additionally, tell them that you’re periodically checking up on them to see what they post.
  7. Privacy settings help you prevent strangers from seeing your child’s information and when they’re online. To access the privacy settings, click “settings” on the website or app. Go to “privacy settings” and switch it so that only your child’s friends can see their information. [14]
    • You will need to adjust the privacy settings on each website or app your child uses.
  8. You may decide not to worry about this if your kids appear to be following all of your rules. However, Wi-Fi passwords can be a big help for enforcing the rules, as you can bar your children from accessing the Internet. Give your kids the current password when they’re permitted to be online, then change it when it’s time to log off. [15]
    • For instance, you might change the password every night when it’s time to go to bed so your child can’t stay up all night on their phone.

    Tip: Changing your Wi-Fi password is helpful for controlling what your kids do on their phone. However, be mindful that your child may try to use their phone with mobile data.

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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Dealing with Common Problems

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  1. Unfortunately, cyberbullying has become a major issue. While it’s hard to see cyberbullying, it can cause long-term pain for children who go through it. If your child is being cyberbullied, report the cyberbullies, block them, and give your child support. Look for these common signs that your child may be cyberbullied: [16]
    • Your child change how often they use their devices.
    • Your child starts having an emotional reaction to messages they receive.
    • Your child hides their device.
    • Your child refuses to talk about their online activities.
    • Your child shuts down or opens a new social media account.
    • Your child withdraws from social activities, including those they normally enjoy.
    • Your child becomes withdrawn or depressed.
  2. Your child may encounter predators, trolls, and bullies while online. If they receive a harmful message, don’t respond to the person or try to argue with them. Instead, document it so you can report it to the website or authorities. [17]
    • For instance, let’s say your child is playing an online game and they receive a sexually suggestive message. Screenshot the message and include it in a complaint to the gaming website.
  3. Most websites and apps allow you to report users for bad behavior. If your child receives something rude, hurtful, or sexually suggestive, report the user who sent it so they can deal with the user. If your child is old enough, teach them how to report a user. [18]
    • Look for a link that says “report a user.” You might also click on the “contact us” link to send an email about the incident.
  4. In addition to reporting a user, you can usually block them so they can’t message your child again. Follow the website or app’s process for blocking a user after you report the person. [19]
    • Show your child how to block users so they can do it themself if they want.
  5. Always contact the police if someone sends your child a sexual message or bullies your child. Call or visit your local police department to file a report. Bring any proof that you have. They may investigate the incident or might notify the FBI, depending on what happened. [20]
    • Some investigations may not result in charges being filed. However, it’s still good for your local police to have a record of the incident.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do I monitor my child on the Internet?
    Scott Nelson, JD
    Police Sergeant, Mountain View Police Department
    Scott Nelson is a Police Sergeant with the Mountain View Police Department in California. He is also a practicing attorney for Goyette & Associates, Inc. where he represents public employees with a myriad of labor issues throughout the state. He has over 15 years of experience in law enforcement and specializes in digital forensics. Scott has received extensive training through the National Computer Forensics Institute and holds forensic certifications from Cellbrite, Blackbag, Axiom Forensics, and others. He earned a Master of Business Administration from the California State University Stanislaus and a Juris Doctorate from the Laurence Drivon School of Law.
    Scott Nelson, JD
    Police Sergeant, Mountain View Police Department
    Expert Answer
    Set a rule that your children can only use mobile devices (like phones and tablets) in a common area, like your kitchen or living room. As they use the devices, monitor their reactions to see if you should intervene or check what they're doing online.
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      Tips

      • It's best to work with your kids when it comes to controlling their technology use. Because kids are growing up with technology, they're very advanced in how to use it. If they think your rules are arbitrary, they might just sneak around.
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      • Tell your kids that you’re monitoring their activity to protect them, and don’t try to spy on them in secret. They will likely resent your oversight, so help them understand why you’re doing it.
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      • Make sure that your computer is frequently updated with the most current anti-virus and spyware software.
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      Warnings

      • Kids are very clever and learn technology very quickly. Keep in mind that they may be able to override your parental protections.
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      • Teach your kids to never give out their personal information. It’s hard for kids to spot potential online predators, and they may think it’s okay to give out information to people they think are friends.
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      • Installing security programs is not enough to protect your kids from potential predators. Talk to your children about what they do on the Internet first.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.fbi.gov/scams-and-safety/protecting-your-kids
      2. ↑ https://www.fbi.gov/scams-and-safety/protecting-your-kids
      3. ↑ https://www.michigan.gov/msp/0,4643,7-123-1878_1711-32545--,00.html
      4. ↑ https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/bullying-abuse-safety/online-mobile-safety/staying-safe-online/
      5. ↑ https://www.fbi.gov/scams-and-safety/protecting-your-kids
      6. ↑ https://www.fbi.gov/scams-and-safety/protecting-your-kids
      7. ↑ https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/bullying-abuse-safety/online-mobile-safety/staying-safe-online/
      8. ↑ https://www.fbi.gov/scams-and-safety/protecting-your-kids
      9. ↑ https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/bullying-abuse-safety/online-mobile-safety/staying-safe-online/
      1. ↑ https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/online-safety/parental-controls/
      2. ↑ https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/online-safety/parental-controls/
      3. ↑ https://www.cabq.gov/police/crime-prevention-safety/family-safety/child-safety-on-the-internet
      4. ↑ https://www.fbi.gov/scams-and-safety/protecting-your-kids
      5. ↑ https://www.fbi.gov/scams-and-safety/protecting-your-kids
      6. ↑ https://www.fbi.gov/scams-and-safety/protecting-your-kids
      7. ↑ https://www.stopbullying.gov/cyberbullying/prevention
      8. ↑ https://www.cabq.gov/police/crime-prevention-safety/family-safety/child-safety-on-the-internet
      9. ↑ https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/bullying-abuse-safety/online-mobile-safety/staying-safe-online/
      10. ↑ https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/bullying-abuse-safety/online-mobile-safety/staying-safe-online/
      11. ↑ https://www.fbi.gov/scams-and-safety/protecting-your-kids

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