Q&A for How to Act Quiet and Mysterious

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Question

Is it good to be mysterious in a relationship?

Julianne Cantarella
Dating & Relationship Coach
Julianne Cantarella is a Dating Coach, Certified Life Coach, Licensed Social Worker, and the CEO and President of New Jersey's Matchmaker. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in helping women heal from a heartbreak and create healthy long-term relationships. Julianne created a comprehensive transformational date coaching program From First Date to Soulmate™ that has helped hundreds of women find love. She holds a Bachelor of Social Work (BSW) from Ramapo College of New Jersey and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from Fordham University. Julianne has contributed to numerous media such as Your Tango Online Magazine, 24Seven Wellness Magazine, and Talk of The Town Magazine. She has also been featured as a relationship expert on CBS, iHeartRadio, and PBS “This Emotional Life Project.”

Julianne Cantarella

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

I don't really support the idea of being mysterious when dating. I believe you should strive to be your genuine and authentic self in a relationship whenever possible.

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Question

What do I do if I am quiet but someone keeps on trying to start a conversation with me?

Community Answer

Keep your answers to a minimum of a few words, if possible. Be polite, but also be curt. Generally, people take that as a sign you do not want to talk.

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Question

Do I only talk when people approach me?

Community Answer

Yes, but try to use minimal words to respond.

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Question

Will I always be in control of any situation if I do not show emotion?

Community Answer

No. There is no way to be in control of every situation. You can be in control of yourself, however.

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Question

Do I need to keep to myself when acting quiet and mysterious?

Community Answer

It's preferred to keep to yourself, but you don't have to. Try your best not to talk at every opportunity, though.

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Question

Should I switch the conversation back to the other person (so they talk more about themselves) in order to remain mysterious?

Community Answer

Yes. I would recommend using their questions to you as a jumping point for switching the conversation. For example, if they ask you what your favorite sport is, you could answer before asking what their mother or father's favorite sport is.

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Question

I have a naturally strong voice. How do I speak more quietly?

Community Answer

Try to be more conscious of your voice when speaking. If you realize that you are speaking too loudly, turn down the volume a bit. Often, other people will give visible cues that you're being loud, like a furrowed brow or a bodily recoil. Sometimes, they'll even tell you outright.

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Question

How do I be more calm?

Community Answer

If someone makes you mad leave the situation and take deep breaths and also count to 20.

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Question

What does minimal answers mean?

Tobii Reaper.

Community Answer

Give less details in your answer. Talk less and be more vague in your response. Also keep a calm attitude.

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Question

How do I be the quiet and mysterious girl in my class?

Community Answer

Well, it's not going to happen overnight. Don't go from a loud, talkative extrovert to a quiet introvert overnight. That will make you seem fishy. Have periods of time throughout the days when you don't talk at all. Start with 10 minutes, then half an hour, then an hour, then a few hours. If you go from talking to not talking at all, people think there's something wrong. Also, if you must talk, wait until three or four people have talked, and then speak. But only say the essential details, not the whole story.

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Question

How do I stop being emotional?

Community Answer

It's not necessary to be emotionless to be mysterious. In conversations, drop subtle hints of emotion (a tiny smile for joy, or a deep breath for anger) but don't show off too much. You want to leave them wondering about your emotions.

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Question

Should I allow people to approach me first in order to stay mysterious?

Community Answer

You may find yourself alone if you take that approach.

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Question

Is eye contact important when being mysterious?

Community Answer

Yes. I think holding eye contact can make you appear even more mysterious.

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Question

Should I dress in dark colors to stay mysterious?

Community Answer

Yes, I think this would definitely help you look more mysterious!

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Question

If I am quiet does that make me cool?

Community Answer

Not necessarily. You may just be naturally introverted, however there are some people who will find quietness cool.

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Question

How do I get someone to make the first move when acting quiet and mysterious?

Community Answer

Make eye contact, give them a mysterious smile, then look away. This will attract their attention and indicate that you want them to talk to you.

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Question

How can I be mysterious and active too?

Community Answer

Do whatever activities you want, but keep them a secret to remain mysterious.

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Question

Should I wear my hood all the time?

Community Answer

It will make you extra mysterious if you wear your hood all the time.

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Question

How do I not laugh if I'm a person who laughs at almost everything?

Community Answer

Think of something sad, or if you feel like laughing excuse yourself and go and laugh somewhere privately.

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Question

How do you stay mysterious when texting someone?

Community Answer

Don't let anyone look at your phone; smirk or don't show a lot of emotion when reading. If someone texts you and your friends are around, tell them that you have to go, and then mysteriously walk away.

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Question

What if I want to be quiet and mysterious, but funny at the same time, is that possible? I don't want to lose my funny side.

Community Answer

Just because you want to be mysterious doesn't mean you can't be funny. Just keep your humor between you and the people you're closest to. You don't have to be the class clown to be funny. As a matter of fact, if you're usually quiet and mysterious, people will be so surprised when you make a joke that it will seem even funnier.

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Question

The tips say not to raise my hand too much in class. Can I if I want to? I'm kind of a huge nerd and I want to answer as many questions in class as I can. So basically, can I show off my intelligence but not much of anything else?

Community Answer

You can do whatever you like! It won't make you quiet and mysterious, but you shouldn't force yourself to be something you're not.

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Question

What's the advantage of being mysterious?

Community Answer

Being mysterious can be attractive to people. Not only that but it draws people to want to talk to you and be close to you. The mystery is what sparks excitement and curiosity. It could also potentially give the vibe you’re always one step ahead and know something they don’t, making you seem clever and your opinions could be more valued.

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Question

What should I do if people think I'm shy when acting quiet and mysterious?

Community Answer

To avoid looking shy keep eye contact, strong posture, comfortable body language and a loose smirk. This will let people know that you’re perfectly comfortable and confident, yet you’re reserved and observant. Don’t shy away from gazes, and speak occasionally when necessary.

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Question

How can I avoid someone who keeps bothering me without hurting their feelings?

Community Answer

Be more silent and curt around them. This should give off the vibe that you don’t wish to speak to them and soon they will get the gist and leave you alone.

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Question

What should I do if someone keeps asking me questions when acting quiet and mysterious?

Community Answer

Give simple one-word answers and excuse yourself from the conversation as soon as possible.

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