Q&A for How to Defuse an Argument

Try to engage with the person indirectly at first to open up the lines of communication. Consider writing a letter or email stating the problem and asking them their opinion on the issue.

If you are angry, then tell them what makes you angry from your point of view. Don't blame them for your anger, but do suggest ideas to resolve the conflict. If you are being bullied, then it would be helpful to try to ignore the bully if possible and show that you are not emotionally affected by it.

Keep it polite and tell them exactly how you feel, because they need to know the truth -- whether they like it or not. Don't lie about what you are feeling; doing so will just create more problems down the road. If you still want to be friends with them, make sure you tell them that.

Say something like "Okay, guys, this isn't going anywhere. Let's actually figure this out." Promote active listening and make sure that both of them are allowed to voice their opinion. Don't take sides.

You should remember that it is a personality disorder. There will be a lot of untrue stories of grandeur to make the person appear better than they are in reality.

Refresh his or her memory with a kind word disclosing your affection for him or her in a way that shows you're letting whatever the situation was go. Give them time and space.

Ignore them. They do this because they want to get you upset. If you remain calm and don't argue back, you'll have the upper hand. Keep in mind that a person who always argues with you and makes you feel bad probably isn't the best type of person to surround yourself with, so it would be best to avoid this person if possible.

You can try being a mediator by facilitating the conversation. For example, you can ask both sides to tell their opinions while the other listens.

Act like an adult. That is, listen to them regularly if it isn't a big deal and tell them your opinion when you think something is wrong. Tell them that you "understand" what they are saying and agree. Then, when they are done talking, explain your feelings in a non-confrontational way. This may cause them to listen more to what you're saying.

Ask them politely to stop. Tell them that their language is inappropriate/hateful. If they don't stop, walk away, and/or report the situation to an authority figure.

The best thing to do is stay away from his home for a while. He is probably pretty angry, and it's best to give him some space before trying to re-approach him.

Remind yourself that they're people. Sometimes dumb, hormone-filled, cavalier people, but precious people in God's eyes all the same. Just start with, "Hey, can we talk?" And be honest. Speak to them like you would a peer, and they'll respect you. Everything they do is based on tone and body language. Be open, straightforward, and speak as equals.

You're right; I'm sorry. Works every time.

Live to fight another day. If the other person won't calm down, end the conversation and the proximity. If you say one thing and I have a really good argument against it, I have a choice: I can either present my argument, or get angry. How many people get angry if they still have a good argument? Exactly zero. Conclusion: whoever gets angry first concedes the debate. Just leave; the debate is over and there is nothing left to be learned here.

If he has signed for something, there is a legal contract in place. Make sure you tell the contractor that if the work is not carried out accordingly, you will get your lawyer involved. Do not hesitate to follow through if he does not fulfill his contract.

Tell them you're done with the argument and you're done talking to them.

If there are issues between you and your parents, attempt to resolve them in a levelheaded way. Use a calm voice and mindfulness to help you. If you feel anger or any other negative emotions, observe them, count to three, and let them go. Be sure to do this before things get out of control. And if your parents begin to argue, stop, use mindfulness, and respond calmly. Only you can decide how you'll deal with the situation; if you yell back at them, it will only add fuel to the fire.

Explain in a calm and quiet manner why it is not your fault. Remember to try to understand why the person is feeling the way they're feeling about the situation. It is important to find common ground so fights are not continued.

Think back over what you said and make sure it wasn't rude or offensive. It was, apologize. If it wasn't, calmly approach them and explain why you said what you said, that you were just trying to help them and offer them advice, etc.. Try to throw in a compliment or two if you can, this way they'll be less likely to get offended again.

You stop talking. A debate is meant to be learned from, not to simply convince everyone else that you're right. If someone starts a conversation with simply that in mind, there is no point in talking at all, even if the other person is right and you're wrong and they have good arguments to convince you. People must at all times stay convinced that they could be wrong, and stay open to be proven wrong. So even if you're wrong, but you have a few good arguments, the other person must listen to you and actually consider them. In general, people who are not willing to listen to reason cannot be reasoned with; they are a waste of breath.

See How to Ask for Forgiveness . There is no degrading yourself involved unless you are being hateful/insulting to yourself or are unable to accept the person's response and keep begging them.

You can use I statements and politely but honestly tell your parents how you feel. Avoid the blame game so instead of saying 'all my friends get to do _______ you're so strict and mean' you could say 'I feel left out when all my friends do ________. Please could you consider it?' Use NVC (nonviolent communication) techniques and you'll sound and be mature.