Q&A for How to Get Your Long Term Boyfriend to Propose You

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  • Question
    What do you do when your boyfriend won't propose?
    Luis Congdon
    Relationship Coach
    Luis is a Relationship Coach, specializing in helping couples who want a long and happy relationship together. Luis has worked in one of the United States' largest research studies on marital longevity using the framework of Drs. John & Julie Gottman. As a researcher on marital happiness and a relationship coach, Luis has worked with over 1,000 couples, written for the Gottman Institute, spoken at colleges and universities across the United States, been featured in Forbes magazine, and has led over 150 relationship-building classes.
    Relationship Coach
    Expert Answer
    Let your partner know what you'd like to get out of the relationship. Explain why marriage is so important to you, and let him explain his thoughts on commitment as well.
  • Question
    What do I do if my partner doesn't want to get married?
    Luis Congdon
    Relationship Coach
    Luis is a Relationship Coach, specializing in helping couples who want a long and happy relationship together. Luis has worked in one of the United States' largest research studies on marital longevity using the framework of Drs. John & Julie Gottman. As a researcher on marital happiness and a relationship coach, Luis has worked with over 1,000 couples, written for the Gottman Institute, spoken at colleges and universities across the United States, been featured in Forbes magazine, and has led over 150 relationship-building classes.
    Relationship Coach
    Expert Answer
    Have an honest conversation about what you both want. A lot of times, a person isn't looking for marriage as much as they're looking for a committed relationship with someone who makes them feel safe. See if there's a way your partner can satisfy those needs even if marriage is off the table.
  • Question
    My boyfriend and I are really happy together, and he told me to plan a wedding, but there was no proposal. He said he just needs to do a few things first, but the wedding is already arranged, what do I do?
    Community Answer
    There's no reason to be subtle in this situation. Tell him directly that your plans for the wedding are nearly to the stage of being finalized, and you need to set a date or know what his plans are.
  • Question
    What do you do when you have discussed marriage but his answer is always that he needs to be more financially stable?
    Community Answer
    He's worried about not having enough money to provide for a family, and that's perfectly understandable. If you don't want to work, then you need to be patient. If you work and plan to continue to do so, talk to him about your willingness to help him with the financial burden.
  • Question
    I want to get married, but my partner of 12 years is not keen. Should I give up waiting? Both of us have jobs and live together.
    Community Answer
    It depends on why he doesn't want to get married and how you feel about his reasons. For example, if he says he just isn't ready yet, and he's been telling you that for years, that might be an indication that he is not very serious about the relationship. If he doesn't believe in marriage, but he otherwise treats you like his wife, think about whether a marriage certificate is really that important.
  • Question
    Should I still marry him if he has cheated on me with his best friend?
    Community Answer
    No.
  • Question
    I'm 18, so is my boyfriend. He asked me what I'd say if he has proposed next year. Is it too early for that?
    Community Answer
    That's very young, and if you have to question if it is too early, it is probably too early. There's no reason to rush, so take your time and only get engaged when you are 100% ready.
  • Question
    When we discuss marriage, my boyfriend always focuses on having enough money. What do you think he is trying to tell me?
    Community Answer
    Either he wants to make sure you're financially stable and able to afford a wedding before proposing (which is reasonable), or he's making an excuse because he's not sure about marrying you yet. Try sitting down and talking to him about this. Tell him you want to discuss finances and come up with some kind of reasonable plan about when you will get married.
  • Question
    What do I do if I discuss marriage with someone and they bring up money?
    Community Answer
    It's important to be able to discuss money in a marriage. Talk to them about their financial situation and long-term goals to make sure you are on the same page. It is really helpful if you can both set up a financial roadmap so you know how long it'll take you to get where you both want to be.
  • Question
    I'm 19, is that the proper age to get married?
    Community Answer
    There is no "proper" age to get married. You should get married when you're in love and you're with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. However, many people would tell you that 19 is pretty young to get married. You still have a lot to experience in life.
  • Question
    What do I do if my long-term boyfriend is married, but we've been together for years?
    Community Answer
    First he'd have to divorce his wife, then you'd have to trust that he'd propose to you once he's single. If he cheated with you, though, he will cheat on you. Be smart. You aren't the only one he is cheating on his wife with.
  • Question
    is it okay to request for an engagement ring as your birthday present from your boyfriend?
    Community Answer
    No, as doing so would come across as desperate. Maybe he will get you one but how could you be certain that he was willing to get one without you pushing in this manner? You can randomly mention a celebrity who just got engaged and pause a little to see if he he thinking about proposing. If it concerns you, continue and ask him that directly.
  • Question
    What is the earliest age to get married at?
    Community Answer
    The legal age to get married is the earliest you can get married at. Different countries have different age limits for males and females. Religion is a deciding factor in setting the age of couples in some countries, but most countries have secular laws.
  • Question
    I have been with my partner for six years and have been living together for nearly two years. Whenever I ask about marriage he says he wants to but he can’t afford a ring.
    Community Answer
    Maybe he wants to live a more lavish life with you. If you are confident of being okay with the slow and steady progress that you both have been making all these years, help him understand that. Also, ask him what's his budget for the ring, tell him a cheap ring is just fine for now. Let him buy other things later. Balance it and have fun doing it. If he dodges the entire deal, he may be enjoying the unmarried/dating relationship with you as it is.
  • Question
    My boyfriend of seven years has not proposed, but tells me he sees a future with me and kids. He says he has not proposed because he thinks I am not mature enough. I am 25, he is 26. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    Leave. If he does not see how good he has it with you, and claims you are immature with only 1 year apart, he is either stalling, or trying to deflect his immaturity on you. If you feel suspicious about his recent whereabouts, ask his friends to see what he is up to, and do not check their phone without their permission. But relationships are about compromise and trust. If he thinks you "are not mature enough," he might be getting his ideal "mature woman," elsewhere. Confront him and be firm and stern without fear, as men lose the meat of the message you are trying to convey when you are nervous, afraid, hesitant, or beat around the bush.
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