How to Be Popular: Tips for Teens, Adults, and More

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Effective ways to start boosting your popularity at school
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What do all the popular kids in school have in common? Do they all wear the same clothes? Have the same hair? Say the same things? Of course not. There are popular people all over the world enjoying their social status at school, work, and wherever they go. There's no magical quality that can make you popular, but if you work on getting noticed, being social, and getting involved, you will improve your chances of turning heads and getting smiles everywhere you go. To help with your journey to popularity, we spoke with an expert life coach and middle school counselor about becoming popular in school.

How can you be more popular?

  1. Be authentically yourself.
  2. Be confident and self-assured.
  3. Be friendly and kind toward others.
  4. Be a good listener.
  5. Be charismatic and engage in small talk with people.
Section 1 of 3:

How to Become Popular

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  1. You don't have to be perfect to be popular, just be confident. Even if you feel like you have to improve as a person, the first step to gaining confidence is to believe in yourself. Even if you don't feel confident, just acting confident can make you feel good. [1]
    • Knowing yourself is another important aspect of confidence. According to life coach Leah Morris, you need to know about all the different parts of yourself—not just the parts that you want people to see. [2]
    • Affirmations are a great way to boost your confidence. Morris suggests looking in the mirror and saying whatever you need to get pumped up, whether that's "I'm going to nail this" or "You're going to be fine at the end of all this." [3]
    • Don't hide in the corner. If you spend all of your time worrying about what other people think of you, you’ll be stuck in your head. Instead, work on loving yourself and what you do. If you love yourself, everyone will want to join in.
    • Confidence has a lot to do with body language. Walk with your head high and your arms at your sides instead of crossed over your chest. Don't hunch.
  2. You don’t have to buy what everyone else is wearing. Instead, experiment and find your own style to show people that you're comfortable being yourself. Whatever you wear, have confidence in it. Checking yourself out in the mirror or asking everyone in your path if you look okay will show that you doubt yourself.
    • Just find a look that makes you comfortable. Whether you look preppy, hipster chic, or grungy, own it.
    • Don’t buy the trendiest clothes just because everyone else is wearing them. Only buy them if you think you can really look good and comfortable in them. If you're buying popular shoes but they look wrong on your feet, people will notice.
    • It's good to pay attention to your looks, but looking like you're trying too hard to be popular is worse than looking like you don't care. So, if you're not really into something, don't force it just because that's what everyone else is doing.
    • For trendy, affordable clothes, check out Aeropostale, American Eagle, or Forever 21. Try thrifting or Depop , too, as vintage clothes are all the rage right now.
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  3. To be popular, you're going to need to take a few social risks . This means reaching out to people you want to know better. This may feel uncomfortable to you, but that’s okay. Be prepared to be bold . [4]
    • Take risks by introducing yourself to someone you haven't met, going to a party you were invited to (even if you don't know many other guests), or by making statements that make you stand out in a crowd.
    • If you get used to taking risks (without putting yourself in danger, of course) you will definitely get noticed more.
  4. If you act like you're too cool for school, people may not want to talk. They may notice you, but they probably won’t approach you. You may not want to be the teacher's pet and answer every question right, but participating in class and making an effort will get you more positive attention than shrugging or being rude.
    • Part of looking like you're ready for whatever life throws at you is to smile more. Smile when people greet you or even be the one to smile first. This way, people want to get to know you.
    • A smile goes a long way, as it activates the part of our brain that’s involved with rewards. [5]
    • If you're in high school, then you may be at the point in your life where most people around you think it's cool to look bored or totally uninterested. However, you'll get noticed even more if you go against the grain here.
  5. People like to feel heard, so show interest by actively listening . Give them your full focus, maintain eye contact, and chime in when it’s appropriate. Ask how school’s going, how their family’s doing, and what else is new. Then, relate by talking about a similar situation you or someone you know went through. [6]
    • Stop thinking of ways to impress others. Of all the people skills popular people have, the one they can’t do without is empathy. Don’t worry about how you look, sound, or compare to others. Think about how others are doing instead.
    • Practice active listening by acknowledging the other person with verbal cues and head nods and avoiding distractions like your phone.
    • Clinical therapist Rebecca Tenzer says to “show interest in what others have to say, ask follow-up questions, and be empathetic. Make sure you make eye contact, smile, and then allow time for you to add information about yourself. [7]
    • Remember important details about your friends, like their birthday, favorite TV show, and biggest fear.
  6. In a conversation, the person you’re speaking with will hopefully be interested in what you have to say. If you’re someone who scrolls through social media on the couch all day, you won’t really have much to talk about, and others won’t really be interested in you.
    • Take up a new hobby, listen to new music, and expand your interests so that you have more things to talk about.
  7. People don’t often enjoy being around a complainer. It can be discouraging and harmful to their mental health. Instead, be tolerant and understanding by keeping an open mind. Not everyone has the same beliefs as you, so try to see where they’re coming from so you can still build a friendship.
    • Practice tolerance by finding the fun in a given situation, lightening the mood, and giving others grace when they aren’t immediately up for something. [8]
    • If you find yourself focusing on life’s negatives, try to shift your perspective by writing down good things that have happened to you. [9]
    • Don’t practice toxic positivity. It can worsen your mental health and make it harder to connect with others. [10]
    • According to middle school counselor, Evanne Torrecillas, “If you are kind to every single person that you come across, if you are overly nice, it might actually come across as fake, and then people will be wondering who you are.” [11]
  8. Popular people are on friendly terms with pretty much everyone. Not just their peers, but the teachers, supervisors, parents, and lunch lady, too! To make friends with others, practice being friendly . Start a conversation or say hi to them in the hall to show them that you’re friendly; it’ll make a difference. [12]
    • The key to being kind is to do it when nobody else is looking. Strive to be a person who cares about others, strikes up conversations, and helps people out when they need it. People will notice, and they’ll begin to admire you.
  9. Not only does small talk enhance your health and happiness, but it can also give you a sense of belonging by introducing you to new people and expanding your world views. Even just a quick chat is enough to get you in someone’s good graces; just keep it casual. [13]
    • Small talk is all about sticking to safe topics. Stay away from anything controversial, like religion or politics. If you don't, people who disagree may not take kindly to them.
    • Ask thought-provoking questions and give authentic compliments.
    • Practice different charismatic games, like introducing yourself to someone within 60 seconds of walking into an establishment, or going up to random people and giving them a genuine compliment.
  10. There's a difference between being friendly and going where you're not wanted. Learn to read body language so you can see when others are uncomfortable. If a person is backing away from you, checking their phone every five minutes, or talking quietly to another friend before you approach, it may not be the best time to talk.
    • Don't invite yourself anywhere, don't stalk, don't brag, and don't interrupt. If you do, you may come across as annoying .
  11. Popular people don't just know everyone—they're on good terms with everyone. This is because they help people out , and they don't do it in particularly noticeable ways. They do little things, like offering someone a pencil when they need it, holding the door open for others, and listening to people when they talk .
    • If you truly empathize with people, you'll want things to work out for them. If there's nothing you can do to help, then, at the very least, let them know that you're hoping for the best for them.
    • Take up volunteering if you’re looking for a bigger way to help others.
  12. Popular people don’t worry about fitting in because they’re comfortable with who they are. You may think you need to be attractive & talented to be popular—and while that will make you a hit with people, it’s best to be yourself . By going against your values for popularity, you’ll meet people who don’t align with you.
    • By staying true to your values and beliefs, you’ll attract similar people and become popular among them. [14]
    • Remember, the only thing you need in order to be popular is a good set of people skills. The remainder is all yours to mold as you see fit, regardless of what others think.
    • Part of being yourself is knowing yourself well enough to laugh at yourself. Show people that you recognize your quirks and don’t take yourself too seriously, and they’ll be impressed.
    • According to Tenzer, “Authenticity is key to forming lasting friendships. Be true to yourself and let your genuine personality shine. People are more likely to connect with you when you’re authentic.” [15]
  13. Many popular people don't put much effort into it. They’re simply themselves. If you're desperate to be popular, it’ll show in your actions, and people may think you're a poser . One way to make friends is by finding a group of people who share your interests who you can be yourself around.
    • As you become more and more accustomed to hanging out with people, you can start talking to different people.
  14. It’s good to be kind, but don’t let people take your kindness for weakness. If you’re confident enough to speak the truth, people tend to trust and respect you more. This is helpful for building meaningful friendships based on truth, which can help boost your reputation and make you popular. [16]
    • Don’t confuse being real with being a jerk. There’s a time and place for everything, so make sure you aren’t saying something in a way that will embarrass someone else.
  15. Study a subject you’re passionate about and become an expert in it. Or aim to be the best runner on the track by going on frequent runs. By focusing on things that you enjoy and can improve on, you’ll have a personal journey to go on. During this journey, you’ll be able to meet new people who share your interests.
    • By being dedicated to something, you’ll begin to attract others with your determination to succeed.
    • By being confident and passionate about what you do, you will begin to draw others and find the popularity you seek.
    • Asking for advice, seeking mentors, and being passionate about learning can help you excel in the things you enjoy.
  16. Volunteer at your local soup kitchen. Be friendly to your classmates, answer questions, and have a lot of interests. That way, you’ll get involved in your community and learn how to interact with all types of people. On top of that, you’ll stand out amongst your peers, learn new skills, and begin to build new friendships.
    • If you’re into debates, join the debate club. If you’re dramatic and have always wanted to act, join theatre.
    • If you’re passionate about animals and want to help the ones in your community, volunteer at the animal shelter.
    • If you’re more active in class, more people will know your name and recognize you if you come up in conversation.
    • Hobbies have been shown to reduce stress levels, so take one up! [17]
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“Am I cool?” It’s a question we all ask eventually, and it’s not always easy to judge for ourselves. Not to worry! With the help of this quiz, you can finally find out just how cool you really are, plus see how you stack up against your friends. Ready to know if you’re cool or not? Take this quiz to find out!
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Section 2 of 3:

Developing a Popular Friend Group

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  1. Checking in on your friends and showing up to any events they might be a part of is crucial for maintaining your friendship. When they’re upset, reach out to them and support them if they need it. This will show that you’re a good friend and someone to be trusted.
    • Cheer your friends on when they succeed. Tell them congrats if they get an A on a test or make the basketball team.
    • Offer them support and advice when they need it, like during a breakup or an embarrassing moment in class.
  2. This usually means being willing to step out of your comfort zone. If you're not popular, it may be because you're not comfortable doing the things that popular people tend to do, such as:
    • Making conversation , cracking jokes , flirting , and really engaging with people. Remember that popular kids are only popular because they are known by (and get the attention of) others.
    • Remember, if it isn't yet working out, don't wait for someone to come talk to you, you might as well talk to others you never did before.
    • You may be introspective, shy, or quiet, but in order to get what you want, you need to change how you interact with people.
    • At first, that might feel like you're being shallow or fake, but remember that being yourself is, at its core, all about knowing what you truly want out of life.
  3. You may not meet the same kind of people at the school newspaper that you'd meet on your soccer team, so it's a great idea to join a club you’re interested in. Find something you're curious about and try it out to build popularity and meet people like you.
    • Try to put yourself in a leadership role in the club once you've gained enough experience, that way you're more comfortable being a leader and know more people.
    • Don't worry about a club being "too nerdy" for you. Doing something that you love and meeting more people will help make you more popular.
    • When it comes to joining a club, Tenzer says "Joining one that aligns with your interests is a great way to meet like-minded individuals." [18]
  4. Joining a team is a great way to exercise, feel good about yourself, broaden your horizons, and make friends. If you're even a little athletic, try out for one of your school's sports teams or join a casual sports league in your neighborhood.
    • Joining a team will expose you to more people and will help you learn how to get along with a variety of people that you might not otherwise encounter in your classes or daily life.
    • Joining a team will also improve your social life. You'll be more likely to make plans for what to do after the game, or to go to pre-game dinners and other activities with your team.
    • Joining a team is also a great way to put yourself out there and to let more people know who you are.
  5. The main reason people are popular is because they are able to bring others together. They host parties, introduce people to each other, and make plans with others. Being social is crucial for popularity, and being social means talking to others and making them feel comfortable in new settings.
    • Host a dinner and invite people from different social circles. This will give others the idea that you’re a people person and expand your circle of friends.
    • Popular people love to bring others together. Even if you’re busy, make an effort to invite people to events and show that you care about building friendships.
  6. A lot of school friendships are because of proximity. If you see someone everyday, you’re more likely to be friends with them. If you’re in college, the same is true for people you party with. While it’s true that you’ll meet a lot of people because of this, you won’t necessarily cultivate deep friendships.
    • Instead of casually being friends with people because you’re around them so much, focus on making friends with people in your study groups, after-school clubs, and other extracurriculars.
    • You’re more likely to have level-headed conversations about your interests with people you study with rather than people you party with.
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Section 3 of 3:

Frequently Asked Questions

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  1. Become popular by reaching out to new people, joining clubs, being kind, and having an open mind. By being yourself and showing genuine interest in others, you will begin to attract like-minded people who like you for you.
  2. People become popular by being kind to others and being mindful of how they make them feel. By having common ground with others and asking them questions to find shared values, experiences, and interests, people connect with others and become popular. [19]
  3. To go from unpopular to popular, focus on building genuine connections with others. This means being kind and open-minded, actively listening when you’re having a conversation with someone, and learning how to initiate conversations and include others in them.
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  • Question
    I've moved to a new school and everyone is already in cliques. Which one should I try to join? What are some good qualities to look for in a group? How do I approach them and start a conversation?
    Community Answer
    Cliques of a few close friends are usually hard to join, and can even be nasty to people who try. You've got a better chance at joining a group with a common interest, whether they're officially a club or just a large bunch of friends. This also gives you a topic of conversation, since you know the group likes talking about sports, or art, or video games. Try to avoid groups that seem dominated by one person, or that try to manipulate you or make you pass "tests" to join them.
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    But what if this doesn't work? Isn't it worse to try and fail than not to try at all?
    Community Answer
    You're probably worried about feeling embarrassed or made fun of. If you think the popular kids would be extra mean or bully you, don't even try to join them. They're probably just as cruel to each other. If you haven't seem them act that way, it's probably not as bad as you imagine.
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    I have a crush at school that is very handsome and popular. What do I do to get him to like me?
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    First of all, don't act desperate. Start to hang out with his/her friends and eventually, your crush. Make him/her a usual friend and eventually get each other's numbers and meet up! After that, it's up to you. Just remember to be yourself!
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      Tips

      • Be friendly to those you know. Smile , say hello , and if they greet you back, ask them how they're doing. No matter where you go, make it a habit to chat with strangers and acquaintances alike, even if it's just for a few minutes.
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      • If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. That might sound like something you would hear from your grandmother, but it is good advice. Even if people around you are denigrating someone, avoid being drawn into negative gossip. If pressed for an opinion just say something neutral like "Well, she's always been nice to me, so I don't know" or "Maybe he has personal issues that we don't know about. Who knows?"
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      • Look approachable. Pleasant people are a joy to be around. People who always walk around looking like their dog just died aren't. Give people a chance to warm up to you.
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      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • Avoid hanging out with people who are disrespectful and rude, even if they're part of the “popular group." Choose your friends wisely, and don’t be friends with someone just to be popular.
      • Remember that popularity comes with being yourself. You don't have to follow trends to be popular. Just be yourself and kind to others.
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      Warnings

      • Don’t think too hard. Being popular is as much a state of mind as anything else. If people see you trying too hard to be popular, they will usually dismiss your efforts. Popularity, in the end, is only partly about how others see you. Your reputation may fade and change over time, and the only thing you can control is how you treat others.
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        Helpful 27 Not Helpful 1
      • Guard your privacy. When everyone knows you, it means that there's a greater likelihood of nosiness and gossip. Think of how famous celebrities have someone prying into their personal lives at all times. You'll also need to be prepared for people starting conversations with you while you're running errands or sitting down reading a book at the park. It comes with the package. Handle it gracefully.
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        Helpful 14 Not Helpful 3
      • Don't be upset if you're not the most popular person in school. Sometimes it's better to have good friends that care about you and are fun to hang out with, than being a cool kid. Because after all you need some good buddies.
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      • Realize that popularity has its ups and downs and may fade very quickly when you start at a new school or job. Every situation is different, and sometimes you need to start over.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3073367/
      2. ↑ Leah Morris. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 19 June 2020.
      3. ↑ Leah Morris. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 19 June 2020.
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200011/are-you-risk-taker
      5. ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0028393202001458
      6. ↑ http://www.columbia.edu/~da358/publications/listening_influence.pdf
      7. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview.Monday, October 9, 2023
      8. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-be-patient
      9. ↑ https://centerhealthyminds.org/join-the-movement/9-ways-to-stop-being-negative
      1. ↑ https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01415/full#h6
      2. ↑ Evanne Torrecillas. School Counselor. Expert Interview. 14 April 2022.
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beautiful-minds/201012/popularity-first-sight
      4. ↑ https://time.com/6280607/small-talk-tips-benefits/
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201810/how-be-yourself-in-five-simple-steps
      6. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview.Monday, October 9, 2023
      7. ↑ ​​ https://mindfulhealthsolutions.com/is-honesty-the-best-policy/#
      8. ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/mentalhealth/articles/how-hobbies-improve-mental-health
      9. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview.Monday, October 9, 2023
      10. ↑ https://blog.coursera.org/what-makes-someone-popular-or-unpopular-psychology/

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