Q&A for How to Not Make Jokes That Are Highly Offensive to Others

You have good intentions, you're trying to ease the tension, but your jokes obviously don't help. When she brings this subject up, just try to empathize, even if it's annoying that she's constantly talking about it. Instead of making a joke, say something like, "I'm sorry you're going through that, it must be hard." You can see that the jokes aren't working, so just stop making them.

Pause before speaking. Count to 10 and ask yourself three questions: 1) Is it useful? 2) Is it kind? 3) Is it necessary? If all three are yes, proceed! If the answer is no, or you're not sure, STOP and listen. Not everything needs a joke or even a response. Most people want to be heard. Try it out and be kind to yourself. We all make mistakes.

Yes, as long as you're among friends and not, say, in a professional environment where such jokes would be inappropriate regardless of mitigating factors.

If someone tells you that your jokes offend them, and they're being genuine when they say it, that would be considered crossing the line. If you already are aware something is offensive, that would also be crossing the line.

It really depends on your family; if everyone understands that humor was an important part of your Dad's life and this is something he would probably have found amusing, then likely they'll get why you made the joke. However, it's usually not appropriate to crack jokes at a funeral. If you make a joke about the person who's passed away, the person themselves won't be offended, but someone else might be, so usually it's important to avoid jokes.

He can help it, he just chooses not to do anything about it. For now, gently explain to him that his jokes are offending you and potentially others. He may not even be aware of it. If he keeps it up after you've clarified what he is doing, then consider having other friends and influential people intervene and ask that he stop too. More people stating they're offended will help him to realize the errors of his ways. Also, consider he is well aware of the effect and enjoys it; if so, this is all the more reason to have more people ask him to stop.

If you don't understand why the person was offended, then just ask them. Once they explain it to you, try to apologize and find something else to joke about. Also reassure them that you won't make such jokes again now that you better understand.

You are possibly enjoying the tiny power kick you're getting just a bit too much and instead of facing your unkind actions, you are ramping them up because you think it's funny. First step is to accept that your behavior has an impact on someone else. Second, accept it's not funny. And third, try not to make those kind of jokes around her anymore. She has made it clear that she doesn't like it, so stop doing it. Instead, try to crack jokes about things you know she finds humor in or talk to her about what she would rather discuss than cracking bad taste jokes.