Q&A for How to Spot a Pathological Liar

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  • Question
    Will they cycle back thru with friends if a lie gets exposed so they go with another friend until that blows up then come back around to see if it's safe again hoping we're no longer mad?
    Tasha Rube, LMSW
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    If you have a friend that keeps lying and coming back around, ask yourself why it's important that you be friends with this person. What do you feel that you are getting out of the relationship, and what are you worried about losing? This will help you decide what to do about your friendship.
  • Question
    If you are caught in a friendship quad and can't remove the pathological liar from your life while they are telling fake lies about you so that everyone thinks you are the bad guy, what should you do?
    Tasha Rube, LMSW
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    If your “friends” are believing only one person without hearing the truth from you or your side of the story, then they probably were not the best type of friends to have around in the first place. Make an honest attempt to reach out to your friends and tell them how you feel. Explain to them from your own perspective what the truth is. You will quickly learn the true colors of those people who choose to believe you and stick around on your behalf, and those who you may just need to let go.
  • Question
    What do you do if the pathological liar is your grown child and you can't "end" that relationship? He is the only one like that, my other three children are not like that.
    Tasha Rube, LMSW
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    Just like any other person who may be a pathological liar, you personally cannot change who they are. However, as a parent you can speak to your adult child in as respectful way as possible and express your concerns. Plant the seed for self awareness, and offer up helpful mental health resources in your area. As a grown child of yours, it is up to them to be fully responsible and accountable for their actions. If it is to the point where it is disrupting you and others in the family, and other relationships are derailing, then perhaps you need to set clear boundaries with them as to what is and is not acceptable
  • Question
    What's the difference between a Pathological liar/Sociopath and a "Psychopath"? I think most of this is correct/wrong. Pathological symptoms maybe more Psychopathic.
    Tasha Rube, LMSW
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    These mental health disorders are all part of the same group of disorders according to the manual that mental health professionals use to diagnose people. This book is called the DSM-5. This group of mental health disorders includes narcissistic, antisocial, histrionic, and borderline personality disorders. Sociopathic behaviors fall under antisocial disorders. If you'd like to compare the symptoms needed for a diagnosis, you can look up the different disorders in the DSM-5 and compare them.
  • Question
    What to do if you loved a pathological liar, and you already know that he is lying? Should I address it?
    Tasha Rube, LMSW
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    Confront the person honestly, respectfully, and openly about your suspicions of his/her lying. Ultimately it is their responsibility to change their ways. However, you can be of support to guide them to healthy appropriate mental health resources if they are ready to accept and make a change for the better.
  • Question
    I have a colleague ( male) who is loud, narcissistic and a compulsive liar bordering on the ridiculous. He is causing problems for me and affecting my mental health. He is untouchable.
    Tasha Rube, LMSW
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    I'd advise you to reach out to your human resources department or a counselor. If your workplace has an Employee Assistance Program, they will likely be able to provide you with some counsel and resources to reach out to a qualified mental health professional who could help you. In the meantime, try to avoid this individual as much as you can. Out of sight, out of mind.
  • Question
    How can you manipulate a pathological liar to tell the truth?
    Tasha Rube, LMSW
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    Any type of manipulation toward another person is not the best of approach and should be avoided. You cannot MAKE another person change or do something at your will.
  • Question
    How do you stop being a pathological liar?
    Tasha Rube, LMSW
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    The best way to stop being a pathological liar is to work with a qualified mental health professional. Try to find a counselor or therapist to help you learn the right coping skills to overcome this behavior.
  • Question
    My niece is a drug addict who is now on methadone. She just gave birth, and the state is placing the baby. She's blaming methadone! She lies to cover other lies. She refuses another rehab placement. Do I cut off all contact?
    Tasha Rube, LMSW
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    You need to look out for your best interest. It is understandable that this is a distressing situation since she is currently not at the ready state to even make a change, or taking responsibility for her own actions. At times we have to let people go, and experience the challenges of life on their own, and until she is accepting of her issues with drug addiction and taking accountability for it, she will not make any change. You will need to learn the difference between truly helping someone and enabling (which will only encourage them to spiral down into the rabbit hole). Seek out the assistance of a support group, or a mental health and addictions counselor to get appropriate coping skills for your current situation.
  • Question
    How do I prove someone is a pathological liar in court?
    Tasha Rube, LMSW
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    Let the courts decide that based on the evidence.
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